I recently read a poem saying
Why can't the world be rid of emotions?
And I thought,
*Well, that would be boring.

Love,
Lust,
Lies.

Still yet to decide
Which one defines
Everything we left behind.

Then again,
Perhaps it goes a little something like this;

Love?
Lust lies.

If cursing you
or crying rivers
or breaking pens and
pencils
or marring the sculpture
I had so lovingly made
of your face
or taking pills
or cutting skin
or drinking blood
or pinning eyes
or pinching shoulders
or pulling hair
or lashing legs
or inflicting pain
however
could erase the pain,

I would.

I thought
that my light
stopped you from wanting to bleed
But maybe
all along
I was scorching your mind with the heat
I thought
that by now
I could fix all the pieces I broke
But maybe
hearts don't fix
And the shards are now slitting your throat

And you know what's funny?

After men in shining armor blew past me
leaving nothing but a lesson to be learned
you'd think my selfish eyes would perhaps see
that my light does not shine
it burns

I have a dream, no not that of Martin Luther king,
but that which is beautifully flawed, making you perfect.

I am no writer so bear with me as I try to put into words
That which my heart cries out. I pray that I will one day find you
And not because I was searching but because it is written.
I pray that our friendship will not be a toxic one
Where one gives and the other takes it all.

Oh dear future friend,
I pray that you won’t spend so much time self-
Proclaiming your worth that you forget mine,
When in matter of fact we are all worth life to the one
Whose opinion only matters.

I pray that you will love me enough to not have to
Play the victim always, nor I for that matter.
I pray you won’t have to raise your voice,
Just so your opinion matters for no one knows it all.
I pray you won’t abuse my nature so much that even
The lashes I’ve taken have no hold on your words.
I pray I won’t go to bed hurt because you failed to care

Oh dear future friend,
I pray you will show me my wrongdoings without condemning me,
Or proving again how much more righteous you are than I am.
I pray you won’t count the grains of rice I lend from you
To one day reclaim them all.

Oh dear future friend, I have a dream.
A dream where I will wake up everyday wanting
to try and be a better friend to you
Than I was the day before.
I pray that you will not only remember that you have a friend in me
Only when storms surround you, but that you will remember me too
While you dance in the summer rains lit with rainbows.
Dear future friend, I pray that we will write our own meaning
Of friendship, one that has no laws or subtle terms
And conditions applied.

But mostly oh dear friend
I pray that we will become friends
Not ‘because of’ but because
Just because

Dear future friend
I think I’m already in love with the thought of meeting you……..

The wires sing on and each song is a poem of loss or belonging, the heartbeat and blood of a man in one line or two of a telegram, the dotting and dashing where each message is smashing a life or is not and the wires get hot with the high frequency flow, long ago in another flow when the World was at war, the wires saw and heard things of which they still sing about in another time far removed from the web and the internet ebb.

Across the wide open spaces where the wires tightly laced the Cities together and the songs that they sang rang out loud and clear there is nothing left to see, not even the sockets they pocketed the posts in and as broadband expands there'll be even less to see and no songs sung, the bell has rung for the end of a day.
and Sam goes on his way.

bold* what is wrong? Why can't you just be happy? Just let it all go!

Do you not understand that I am trying to be happy and I'm trying to let it all go, but I can't. I'm just going through life pretending to be okay.

bold Why are you such an attention seeker who cannot possibly help yourself? Why do you cut when it's stupid and pointless?

If I do this for attention why do I hide it? Why do I smile and laugh in front of you pretending nothing is wrong? To me it's to help me cope, so I can feel in control of some aspect of my life...

Don't come and accuse me of doing this for attention. There is so much going on in my head that you would never understand. Please do not question or judge me... you may know my name but you do not know my story.

One to describe the light and how it illuminates the room
Two to capture the desperation to change a flickering bulb
Three to show the torment lived by the first three
Four who debated the philosophy of light
But in the end?
In the end no one cared to change the flickering light

Can we just talk about nothing?
Don't know if I'm ready
To go yet

Don't know how to keep you
here
around me

Can't we just talk about nothing?

Silently
Speaking

Silently
Screaming

Life without a meaning
But with a meaning
Meaning nothing

Can we just talk about nothing?
Don't go yet
What does it mean
to say nothing
I don't know yet

But the feeling in my head
Makes me wish I wasn't dead
But I wanna be dead
But I don't
Wanna be dead yet

I wanna talk about nothing.
I wanna feel nothing.
I don't want nothing.
Nothing wants me.

I can't ask for nothing,
What does it mean?
It can't mean nothing.
It has to be something.
Anything is everything.
Why does everything
feel like nothing
to me.

I'm drowning
In everything
School
Friends
Family
Life
It's like everything's trying to suffocate me
Cut off my air
Until i sink
So far down
That I can't be saved
Even if someone bothered trying
Which they don't
My vision clouds over
My head pounds
I try to breathe
Inhaling water repeatedly
Until I stop struggling
And just let myself go
Let myself sink beneath the waves
Never to return to the surface