The, Oh I just can’t stand this pain
The, I will never get him out of my head
The, Why me, why me
The, this is my fault
The, I’m forever ****** up now
The, I hate you so much
The, don’t touch me
The, I jump at the sound of leaves
The, I head footsteps coming to my door
The, How did I manage to get into this
The, Every movement you make will  cause me to flinch
The, Don’t give me metaphors to heal my heart
The, Don’t touch me
The, I said don’t touch me
The, A hug is touching me so please stop
The, your walking to close behind me
The, this is my fault
The, If I smell him I will burst into tears
The, every face in a dark room is his
The, Why do I still think its my fault
The, If you grab my shoulder I might start crying
The, No I don’t want to talk about it
The, I don’t have to tell you if I don’t want to
The, please stop asking me
The, Yes I knew Him
The, no, you don’t have to be walking home alone in a dark ally for this to happen
The, I said no
The, he didn’t listen
The, why wouldn’t he listen
The, I still think its my fault
The, No man can ever heal me
The, Yes there are good men out there, but I don’t want you  to “heal me”
The, no, not every poem I write is inspired by him
The, no I don’t hate ***
The, no I don’t hate me
The, Your touching me again
The, No I will not talk about this
The, It’s not my fault poem

shattered hands,
          and bleeding glass
                      darkened skin,
                 an unfixable mess

                   useless thoughts,
           your misguided words
                                 breaking mentality
                          until it hurts

        dampened clothes
                               a shattered mind
                    bloodstained red
what once was white,

                                                     no it isn’t
                                   it’s not your fault
                  yes, it hurts,
you’ve been through hell.

I have a flower
Blooming
It started blue
But as it grows
It's petals are yellow
Brightly framing
The purple
And pink core

The gardener
He planted it there
On my thigh

HOW DARE YOU YOU *******
WHO ARE YOU TO HAVE FEELINGS

He likes to pull out his heart from time time to time
He looks at it and weeps as it beats silent and the world turns
He kicks me when I'm down leaving calico purple patches
He tries to rip apart the one who brought him here
But for us both he mostly settles for the words
He doesn't care until we wrestle his heart out of him
Then he ******* cries like he's sensitive

GROW THE HELL UP
THE REST OF US HAVE

The Trial Run is trying to separate herself from the intoxications
brought by men but stumbles down the sidewalk home...
I stopped pounding my words into his back because
he doesn't have time to be broken by me anymore...
The Elder creates his faux world because
everyone but me has exiled him out of the real one...
The Proper splits and I watch it happen to him as it happened to me,
still happens, angels and demons we hide inside...
The Child runs after the **** ups seeing rainbows
but devoid of color because he think's that's what age means...

Burn my throat as I swallow the same air
Here we are choking on laughter that's grown stale
Don't let me cry out -- no -- don't let me cry out
Apart from this madness perhaps we'll find clarity
Rip off my arms and keep them for your lonesome self
How much good do empty words do us anyway
When you wake up remember I'm done waiting
Poison I've injected into your eyes and hands
Hopefully you can stay subdued and ignorant
You'll miss the parts where I'm on the floor
Gasping for air and nearly lifeless as I'm convulsing
We can smile about the times we bled into each other

Mother, you were good to me. You loved me in your own way that I didn't always understand. Don't blame yourself.
Father, you loved me, I suppose. I can't say that you cared though, at least, not about me.
Brother, don't turn out like me, make something of yourself. Don't try to become anyone else, to impress people, to fit in, just be yourself. Stop being so violent, it will get you into trouble.
KB, I know you never really picked me and I didn't quite pick you, but I think maybe God did, picked us for each other. You were the best friend I could have ever hoped for. Thank you for everything. I wish I could have shown you what you meant to me.
EK and EC, you were the best friends who could be depended on even though you weren't properly appreciated. I'm sorry.
AJ, God, you re-instilled in me the hope that people can change, that people can be beautiful. Thank you for Fridays, for my birthday, for Brazil, and for picking up at 2 a.m.
AK and DF, you were the most inspiring and genuine friends I've ever known. Thank you for showing me friendship.
JW, don't stop singing, playing, and laughing- you are music people should dance to.
KJ and MG, my oldest friends, thank you for never leaving me long. You are both so lovely, only accept what you truly deserve, please, okay?
MO, try not to be too naive or too much of a smart ***, alright? And thank you, for being part of my 'theme' and proving a point.
Finally, AM, I haven't known you long, but thank you for letting me need you.

Don't miss me, but don't forget me.
I love you all.

How long is a day?
It's a second and forever.
Just say the word,
And I'd die for you.

How am I capable of love?
I don't know anymore.
I look like old, tattered rags,
Inside and out.

My heart is missing pieces
I gave away,
And no one ever returned
Or replaced.
Riddled with holes,
It's not even recognizable.

I honestly don't know
Why you would want
Something so broken;
Why you would want me.

I feel so inexplicably vulnerable
I'm naked behind the fogged glass
The water running off my skin
Off in drips, in streams
I can see his silhouette on the other side
But can only imagine what he sees
I am so much more than naked, bare

He mutters shush, hissing like the snake he is
Through the water, steam, and fogged glass
I swear I see his lips curve into a distorted, manic grin
On the other side of the breakable barrier
I am just as equally breakable
I'm too afraid to move
Why are locked doors forbidden in this house
His hands lift and his fingers graze the glass
On the barrier he traces crooked lines
That bend and curve like I do
I can feel myself shaking
As lines create clear windows between us

And he stops
I feel faint, nauseous
His eyes are staring
And mine are tearing

When he leaves
I sink to the floor
The water running off my skin
Off in drips, in streams

Don't tell me to stop apologizing when everything is my fault.

                                        *everything is my fault

                                        everything is my fault

                                        everything is my fault

                                        everything is my fault

                                        everything is my fault