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 Jan 2019 Cassian
Kasey
I have my up's
I have my down's
Lately it seems as though I'm drowning
I had one amazing thing happen
But now I'm falling
Into the deep dark abyss of nothingness
I can't feel
All I can do now is search for the rope
The rope that can pull me out
Out of this deep dark abyss
I need the hand to save me from drowning
I'll keep searching for my up
 Jan 2019 Cassian
ljr
i love you
 Jan 2019 Cassian
ljr
They’d waited too long to say

“I love you”.

3 words. 3 syllables.

Yet they held millions of emotions unspoken.

and now that they’d done it, they wouldn’t,
couldn’t, stop

they told each other all the time, at the end of the argument
and before the good news.

In the middle of the storm, even though it was hard to see, and after, when the raging winds had settled on a breeze

before the rising sun turned the sky pretty colors and after it flickered out and faded away into the dark

Underneath the stars that their love had been etched into

There was no love until death for them, because it would never stop

I love you beyond
One day you’ll look back.
And on that day
You’ll regret everything you’ve ever
Said or done
To me.
You’ll regret being the man
That broke my heart
Harder than I thought possible.
Maybe I didn’t think it was possible,
Because out of all the stories I’ve ever read,
It was always the boy who broke the girl.
Not the dad.
my dad is an *******
This light in me is like no other.
It pushes against my heart until
I let it flow through my veins,
One drop at a time.
It goes to my fingertips,
Takes me on a journey through every crack and bend of your body.
It goes to my tongue,
Where I can say your name over and over
Until it’s all I want to say.
All I know how to say,
It goes to my brain,
Taking up every single spot of emptiness
Left by others before you,
Making you the only thing I ever think about.
But most importantly,
The light stays in my heart,
Making sure my veins never run out of this light called
Happiness
This is about my current boyfriend. Thank god I found him.
This numb feeling
Isn’t the kind you get before surgery.
No, not at all.
This is the kind of numbness where
Every emotion
Is ripped away from you.
Nobody warns you about this.
There is no “You’ll feel a little pinch… Ready?”
There is only a sudden punch in the gut,
Rip in your chest,
Knife in your heart, pulling out every emotion slowly.
At first you don’t even realize what’s happening.
But then you know.
You know how it feels to
Feel nothing at all.
What happens when the good girl goes bad
like the spoiled milk she left out?
Because I couldn't seem to get up.
I think it was something about acknowledging that I'm alive, I'm here.
Wouldn't it all be easier if I wasn't?

When the good girl goes bad
because she worked her *** off on that paper and only got a C.

When the good girl goes bad
because the world doesn't treat her right,
but I guess it must because that's
how come I'm the good girl.
Not my depressed sister sitting in her room;
not my other sister running around, destroying everything I had to work for;
most definitely
not my other sister who always seemed to be your favorite but is now smashing plates in our backyard,
'cause I guess that's what happens if you get too close to you.

When the good girl goes bad,
you get angry because
I'm supposed to be your perfect child
not supposed to be
your ***** up child
your lonely child
your lazy child
your anxious child
not supposed to be
your good for nothing child
your dysfunctional child
your doesn't give a **** about anything anymore child.
why don't I ******* give a **** about anything anymore?

When the good girl goes bad
your life falls apart,
because clearly
you had enough to deal with already,
because clearly
this is all my fault,
because clearly
you don't have the time to face your good girl
and
because clearly
that's all on me.

When the good girl goes bad
because you left her out on the counter all those years, sitting there to rot.
And though I know that you can't waste your time putting it away, 'cause you never cared for it anyway,
maybe you shouldn't have bought the milk if you didn't want to drink it.
And I know the milk should take care of itself
but I tried and that only works for a couple of years
before the good girl gone bad falls far off the counter, spills across the floor,
and the only thing left is to throw that nasty old milk away
because your bread, eggs, oil, etc. need your attention
and it's just too late for the good girl.

When the good girl goes bad
because she never asked to be the good girl
or maybe I did, I don't really remember,
but not like this.
I just wanted to be loved
but little did I know that
the good girl just sits there
keeping herself afloat,
but the boat can't guide itself if it wasn't given eyes.
The boat can't patch itself if you keep telling it its still brand new
when its really old, broken, and covered in holes.
You shouldn't put a boat in the water if you know its going to sink,
but I guess you only really need a couple good boats
so you can just toss the good girl.

When mama's little good girl goes bad,
she feels guilty
because she was told she'd always be
the good girl.
Though, its hard being the good girl when you don't have any windshield wipers for your tears at night.
But the tears at night aren't supposed to exist
because
I'm still mama's mother ******' good girl,
just...
please pretend I haven't gone bad.
I added to what was originally posted. I was having some technical issues and decided to just post what I had before, but this is the full poem (5/16/18)
I'm actually wondering
Why poems are mostly sad

Contains our loneliness,

Reveals our pained and broken hearts

Unfolds our depression and anxieties

Tells the story of how you are left behind

Says the words and feelings unspoken

Shows are darkest thoughts and emotions



Maybe poems are mostly sad
Because happiness is easy to show
But our sadness is for our heart's ink and papers alone


Maybe poems are mostly sad
Because this is the only way how to make
A messy mind and soul into a beautiful work of art


While poems are mostly sad
At least it doesn't make us feel lonely
There's that comforting side that makes us go on with life

When you're reading other people's work and you're thinking

That you exactly feel the same

That, finally, someone put your thoughts into words

That someone also goes through what you're going through


That, at least, you are not alone


So maybe sad poems aren't always totally sad poems
Maybe sad poems got that tiny bit of happiness in it

*Maybe sad poems aren't just sad
Maybe sad poems are actually a silent type of a happy poem
For most of my poems are sad poems or love poems...

(January 9-June 21)

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