i betray myself every night,
when i sneak off
and see you in my dreams.

My mum said that when you’re around
I stop taking care of myself
because I’m too busy taking care of you
Before you left last night you put one last cigarette between my lips
covering the wind
you put your hand against my cheek
to light a small fire between us
I thanked you
as if you hadn’t killed me enough already
My mum was right

For the longest time I was unsure on how to pronounce words
When you weren't the person listening
It’s just we’ve been playing tag longer than the sun has been chasing the moon
Searching the universe for her partner to sooth her to sleep
I’ve been sitting under the grapefruit trees carving our initials into chipped wood
Waiting for your return
Thinking maybe this time
you’ll choose me to swallow up
Instead of composting me
Knowing I’ll bloom for you all over again
I’ve been flopped on my back underneath you
exposing my soft feminine underbelly
For far too long
Pet me and tell me I’m a good girl
Like a dog basking in the sun
Waiting on the porch for you to come home
Howling to the moon
All the lights have gone out
Yet I stayed put for all that time
Regurgitating grapefruit  
I embodied that unconditional kind of love
But I don’t love you anymore

I’ve decided to quit smoking
So I stop searching for fire from strangers
When I’m craving the taste of your lips


R.M

Lately I have been unapologetically killing every spider that I can find
I do this because I know that you love it when it rains
I thought I was never really one to believe in wives tales
But you spent the last four years whispering tales
That one day you were going to make me your wife
And I believed every ******* word
So I keep killing these spiders
Hoping that when it rains you sit outside and you listen when it tells you that you made mistake
Prying that when it drips on your shoulders and rolls down the back of your arms
that the universe will return and tell me all about it

We laughed
Scrolling through the new arrivals.
Bird Box, The Little Hours.
The last movie gone off.
Your head against my shoulder.
My head sunk in the curve of your hair.
The couch beneath us,
Critically acclaimed movies seen through one eye.
Peeking through spaces of hair.
To be honest.
None of the movies mattered.
Agreeing to disagree.
Our binge put on hold.
The attention put on you.
Being in your presence.
The way you say my name,
The way you stop and stare.
Our connection to movies
Old & new.
Easing into comfort,
Readjusting my body to see you better.
My head in your lap.
Conversation progressing.
All the favorite parts to my favorite movie in view

i wrote you
a letter every day
letters to tell you
just how i feel

written in neat, curved
writing i told you
just how sweet
i thought you were
how you made my heart
glow

letters in which i wrote
with various colors of ink
pouring out my whole being
to you

i wrote you
a letter every day.

i wrote you letters in which
i told you how you made me
bloom.

eventually
i found myself
pressing harder on
the paper
than i had before.

creating tears in them
similar in shape
and size
as the ones
inside of me.

i began to send
letters
with creases
and bumps
and stains
splattered with tears

pouring
from my eyes

as i wrote
the anger
bubbling within me.

my last letter
addressed to you
contained
no words

but was blank.
because
i had none that

could reach
as far

and deep

into the cracks
of my
heart

to describe
just
what you

had left
of me.

Love isn't blind,
blind are those,
who never loved.