I can't sleep
Everytime I remember your words
They snap and recoil
And hurt me awake
Next time when someone
Promises me forever
I'll just smile
Look them in the eyes and ask
How long is forever to you.

i didn’t leave you because i didn’t love you anymore,
i left you because i didn’t think i was good enough to take any more of your time.
i left you because i felt like a burden to you.
something that was holding you back instead of pushing you forward.
at first, you disagreed with me.
you told me that you were only you when you were with me,
you told me that i was all you had.
baby,
don’t you realize?
i left you because i knew you could be better without me.

now, you have started to realize that that is true.
notice all of the things you can achieve without me in your life?
it’s beautiful, really.

beautiful in the way that everyday that passes the only thing i have on my mind is regret.
the fact that i gave you up kills me, because
i know now

i have grown
and i know now

that you have too

to me it makes sense that we try again,
because it is almost like we are completely different people now!
but you don’t see it that way...

you see it like you don’t want to get hurt by me again,
which i understand,
i don’t want to have the power to hurt you like i used to.
i don’t need that power anymore;
because i know me,
and you know you,
so how about we just allow ourselves to know each other all over again?
wouldn’t that be fun, baby?

but you don’t want that
you like the way your life is without me,
which i understand,
but i just want to be held again...
not by just anyone, but by you.
only you.
only you have been on my mind these past few months,
i am sick to my stomach from how much i miss you
but i guess i deserve it,
i am the one who pulled the trigger, after all...
which is to say, i am the one who let the balloon go

and i guess i’ve learned now that once it starts floating
it won’t want to come down again.

"And her eyes were
made of dreams
that don't let you
sleep at night."

you will never be forgotten.
ever.
your name twisted into metaphors and colors and distractions will forever
be painted across pages and pages of her favorite brand of notebook,
no matter how many she burns
there will always be one she forgot,
and she will only find it once she had almost forgotten you.
she will find the one Papyrus notebook
and all of your metaphors and colors and disractions will come flooding back,
just like how the ocean in your eyes
flooded her heart all those years ago.

At first,
I thought you
were special
because you made
my heart play
beautiful melodies,
it turns out that
my heart is the
special one
because it plays
beautiful melodies.

he may have broken her
but her eyes will still glow golden in soft sunlight
even if her cheeks are stained with tears

s.s

He told me I was all types of wonderful.

He said I found something melancholic in everything;
That I saw meaning in all things I perceived.
And that it was so, so beautiful.

But no, it was just what I saw.
I didn't understand.
Everything felt so disheartening to me.
I didn't understand him,
who found beauty
in my own sadness.

He said he loved me for who I was,
but he didn't really know me.
For who I am.
Who I became.
Who I turned out to be.

He told me he understood,
but I know he didn't.
I could see it in his eyes,
and his smile.
In his words,
that speak of such sweetness,
but with simplicity.

Maybe it was me who couldn't understand him.

I found bleakness in the way he loved me,
and that was when I decided:
there was definitely something deeply wrong with me.

Maybe I was broken.

And perhaps broken people,
were only meant for broken people.

— Y.H.

desolation,
gentle fervor.

12 months
12 months of self love
no more self deprivation.
12 months to spread love
no more hatred.
12 months of pure bliss
for myself and no one else.
12 months of pain
to help me grow, not to scar me.
12 months.
all it takes is 12 months to have a fresh start once again.
12 months to forget about you.
i hope it's enough.
12 months all to myself
for my own bliss, not yours.
                                                                                                        i loved you
                                                                                  now its time for myself.