I'm not sure
if I love you
If I ever did
If it was ever real

Because you see
our days were so short
so long ago
sweet

sweet yes
and when I lost you
I wanted you more
so much that

I dived into a world of
you
and only
you

and for years
years
years
years of my short life

I loved

or did I?
Did I love you?
or just the thought of you?
?

Despite what it means to admit
that there was real passion
and real want
for you

I want it to be true
because then my life
would be
bearable

Maybe even



pleasant

I used to think back
to get my fix
of giggly
love

But now the memories
are faded and worn
pieces of my mind
that are slowly
being
forgotten

I love you

I loved you

But now remembering your voice it too hard
on my mind
and too consuming
for my tight schedule.

You hurt me
but with me being who I am
I love it
because that was the small price to pay
to feel the wonders
of love

And with the fading pain
the fading passion
I am petrified
that I will never




ever love again

I fell asleep for the first time last night
His words
They were the phantom arms
that held me as I slept

That held me together
as I tore at the seams
Unintentionally he healed
a small part

Very small
oh so very little
but there
nonetheless

You think I laugh at everything
but I'm laughing at myself
For loving you so blindingly
and so much

Your smile becomes mine
Your hugs are gifts from the Gods
that heal me
just for a moment

A moment that I crave every second I breathe

When I see you
I want to walk the other way
When I hear your voice
I panic

When I feel your hands
anywhere near me
I freeze
Just go away

Stop smiling
like its all good

Stop laughing
like I'm a comedian
stop liking me
as though you love me

Because you don't
and knowing that kills me

*Every
*******
Day