He wasn’t a boy,
He was forty years old
But they called him boy;
A habit born of old
Bigotries and behaviors
Difficult to defend
But that doesn’t mean
They came to an end

The shoeshine boy
Mostly shined the shoes
And if anyone listened, he had
Good advice they could use.
But most read their papers
On the busy city street
And paid no attention
To the wisdom by their feet.

The people read the news
And ******* about things
And gave their confusion
Talkative wings.
One day a guy asked
Why do people do
The horrendously crazy
Things they seem to do?

The shoeshine boy looked up
And gave the man a smile
And said a pithy sentence
After a decent while.
He said it often,
Sometimes audibly,
“Most people die
Of plain stupidity.”

The fellow thought this wise
And shared it with his friends
And that’s how a catchphrase
Or idea ultimately begins.
It’s something that is simple
But makes a lot of sense
For those looking for answers
If they are not too dense.

Sometimes it’s the only answer
That seems to apply at all
When madness is afoot
And morality seems to fall;
When people waste money
On toys instead of their kids.
That is often how they take
A ride down to the skids.

If only they heeded the things
The shoeshine boy said,
They might have grown wiser
Fewer rocks inside their heads.
But instead they sided with
Maddening mediocrity
Never realizing most folks
Die of plain stupidity.

I’d like to make a wish.
Do I get a wish or is
Society taking a pish?
I wish some people used mouthwash
By the gallon every week
Because they reek.
And, I am not talking bad
No, I am sad to say
They take my breath away
And make me **** in
Like I am hitting good ****.

They really need to brush
Then floss, then swoosh.
Or, I could kick them in the toosh
And scream in their face
“You’re a disgrace!
Surely you don’t kiss your mother
With that breath that could smother
And render her gasping
Grasping for one more breath
Before her death from asphyxiation.
So, for the betterment of the nation,
Your state, county, city and block
I give your forehead a knock
Saying ‘Hello! Something died in there!”

So, when you go in there, to the john
Don’t make yourself gone
Until you have poured something in
That fetid **** above your chin;
Something that will **** the bugs
You got from too many drugs,
Too much crap and too little good.
I’m sure if you tried, you could
Free us from this stench.
Take the mouthwash off the bench
And put it into play
For the sake of the team.

No, this isn’t a dream.
I’m really saying it.
No sense downplaying it.
It’s not outrageous at all.
It’s a wake-up call.

Today, I was scolded
Was told that I was a boor;
That I had, inadvertently
Rendered some holy cattle
Of theirs a death rattle
A battle I won, without knowing
I had even fought, thought
I was just being amusing,
Somehow confusing my path
Down through the tulips
As a meander down the apse
Of some secret church.
Unfair! I was unaware.
And even now, I fear I care
Far less than they do
About their holy cows.
I didn’t then, I don’t now.

But, I have accepted, long ago
That, with social networking
I simply has to be so
That people will be offended;
Starting open-ended rancor,
Scoring slash after ****** slash
Across my Mr. Perfection sash
Granted me by nobody but me,
And that they will put a smudge
By bearing a grudge
About what I see
As a trifling inconsequentiality.
But is their cathedral,
Their Mecca to bow to
And thus I will be the target
Of slings and arrows.

Shall I be sure to only speak
If I speak plenty of inanities
Muttering banalities about love
And the weather and books
Shall I fear the looks, the scorn
Born of misunderstandings
Taken as mishandling
The hearts of the tender
And render myself informationless,
Opinion free, without personality
Speaking when spoken to eternally
So I don’t trip over hidden wires,
Don’t **** on burning fires
Of pet peeves, rip off the sleeves
Of hair shirts, do idols dirt?
Is that the way it should go?
I don’t think so.
But, what do I know?
I am the scurrilous, stumbling fool
Who ****** in someone’s pool
And told them it was raining.

You enticed me, your neighbor,
Newly moved in right upstairs
With aromas of your cooking.
And you invited me to share.
We started then to get close
Like brother and sister were we
That had different parents
But still becoming family.

I ******* about all and sundry
You smiled and said let it go.
I complained about the heat
You laughed and told me “Go
Down to the beach and play;
Get wet and come on back
Then remember Missouri
And see what little you lack.”

And, nobody laughed so,
Delighted with my every jest.
Never remembered punch lines
Yet swore mine were the best.
If I passed near her doorway
I was urged to come inside.
This was the very doorway
Where camaraderie did abide.

So, for a decade we took
Samples of what we cooked
Up and down the stairs
To each other and each took
That deep and abiding pleasure
Of having someone upstairs
Who had that cup of sugar
Or that butter we could share.

I live today with gratitude;
I was blessed, for however long
To listen to the lovely music
Of friendship’s gentle song.
I will miss the coffee shops
And boulevard people watching.
I need to stop this for now as
My throat seems to be catching.

I want to sit and eat ice cream
Until I can’t eat any more.
I want wake up late each day
Until I can’t sleep any more.
I want to take people out to eat
At the most expensive places
And watch the joy spread out
All over each of their faces.

I don’t want to seem greedy
So don’t go off in a huff.
I don’t want an excess of things.
Really, I want just enough.
Just enough to buy presents
For the people I really like.
The rest of the salesmen
Can take a royal hike.

I want to go swimming in
A peaceful hidden lake.
I want to ride the bumper cars
And never hit the brake.
I’ll gladly clean up backstage
At a hit Broadway show.
I want to drive a fast car
As quickly as it will go.

I want to be in a big movie;
Have some speaking lines.
Be invited to the Academy awards;
The name on the card mine.
I want to perform at Carnegie Hall
So they hear me in the back row,
When I sing songs that I wrote
And receive a standing ‘O’.

I want some of my own poetry
To be printed in the NY Times
With plaudits and huzzahs
And a 12 point printed byline.
I want to have to sign autographs
When I got out to eat somewhere.
And, have lots of money in the bank.
And still have plenty to share.

As long as I am wishing here
I may as well tell the truth.
After all it would do no good
To wish for good looks and youth.
It’s not all that much different than
Making a list for Santa Claus.
So saying exactly what I want
Won’t give me a moment’s pause.

But if I get my fondest wishes
Everything I’d like the most
I want something huge and fun
And I am not trying to boast.
I wish everybody could get
At least a few of their list.
So, write your own list out today
And make sure nothing is missed.

I tell you, he was elsewhere
While you were somewhere
And I was nowhere at all.
He didn’t stop to call you;
Your hysteria was all you,
And I wasn’t involved at all.

I was standing next to you
When he didn’t text you.
And you sorta lost your mind.
I didn’t neener neener you,
Though I really wanted to;
That would not have been kind.

Knock, knock,
Hello, hello!
Is there anybody in there?
Do you hear or do you care?
Knock, knock,
Hello, hello!
Get on and ride along with us.
Quit making such a silly fuss.

You have missed a cog or two
On your bicycle built for two
That he didn’t want to ride.
I hinted and I joked about it
We even smoked about it
But you couldn’t let it all slide.

So, now you are just tragic
The victim of black magic
And your sadness is legendary.
But, I’m here to remind you
He didn’t even know you.
The entire thing was imaginary.

Knock, knock,
Hello, hello!
Is there anybody in there?
Do you hear or do you care?
Knock, knock,
Hello, hello!
Get on and ride along with us.
Quit making such a silly fuss.

I know you tried to tell me
That he didn’t really love me;
That it was all a figment
Of my mind.
You said you had to tell me
You were only being friendly
That you were really only
Being kind.

I can do without the drama
Go gossip with your Mama.
Maybe she will like to hear
What you invent.
I guess you’re really jealous of
The love we have between us.
It’s the logical to think that’s what
You meant.

Since you don’t really know us
Just because you’re feeling jealous
You didn’t think we’d feel this way
For reals.
But we know what we are doing
And ignore your double-dealing
And we even feel sorry for how
You feel.

We both wish you will have someday
The love like we have found together
And get over wishing others
Will be sad.
Love is something beautiful
And not something to cry about.
And we know when you find it
You’ll be glad.