of one thing
i am sure
and that is
that i am
unsure of
myself
and it’s funny
how i can’t
sleep but my
chest closes its
eyes and hums
with a heartbeat
that is unsure of
itself, too.
i try to morph
into a body
i don’t feel
belongs to me
just so i can
fit somewhere
fit in somewhere
and i tell so
many stories
about the
universe, it
forever feels
like i am trying
to remain lost.
i am unsure
of myself;
connecting the
moles on my
skin as if they
will spell out
something bigger
so i can feel
like i matter,
at least for
a little while.
i sleep beside
myself, stare at
a reflection
so unfamiliar
i couldn’t even
identify it in
a crowd of
strangers, but
i am trying.
and one day
i’m sure i’ll
be sure
of myself but
until then,
i’ll morph into
someone i can
be proud of
and hope that
the universe
sends me back
to myself.

sunflower,
i love the way your
body dances with mine
the way your tongue
whispers “i love you”
like it is the world’s
best kept secret but
you’re sharing it with
me under blankets
under stars
a room dimly lit by
candles we forget to
blow out before we
fall lazily asleep,
your hand still holding
mine but so limp
it mimics vulnerability
and here i am
dreaming of you,
sunflower
we wake to the candles
still burning
we wake to the scent
of last nights
confessions, we wake
on a planet we have
built in our minds for
us two and we dance.
you hold the heart
of my heart in the palm
of your hand limply,
i am swallowing my
vulnerability and
feeling it glide through
my body as i breathe
out promise instead -
i love you but i do not
need to say it aloud
because it is there in
the way i smile
when you enter
the room;
it is there in the way
i try to string
words together
to create a poem
worthy enough of
always being yours.
my future doesn’t
exist without you
and i feel that in this
parallel universe
the sun follows the
sunflower instead,
because you hold
the heart of my heart
in the palm of your
hand and i will follow
you wherever you go;
to dance,
to light candles and
see the flame flicker
upon your face in
a room full of secrets,
knowing “i love you”
is ours.

my chest ripples whilst my eyes bleed ocean waves
and i cannot make you stay
        i cannot make you stay
i have padlocked my heartbeat and your smile together
please save me
            save me

her parcel heart was the best gift i had ever received, it was like gold in a world dripping in silver.

sometimes i lose direction and end up in a different dimension,
it is one where cats dance the ballet and riots erupt in the form of kaleidoscopes and all glaciers turn to glitter and dust;
it is one where lasers burn happiness into our skyline and it cascades down as rainfall and we can never be sad;
and it is one where she still loves me.

i remember when our energy fields collided and we become a force greater than gravity itself. we were floating.

and now all i want is simplicity: her rawest form, bare and naked in my bed in this dimension, so we can get lost together.

the sun exposes its smile for you every morning. it breaks through the gaps in your curtains, it breaks through the gaps in the trees and it rises above every building to find you, to show you light will follow you everywhere you go as long as you let it in.

2. you sip hot chocolate on a park bench and look outwards. you are a tiny dot in the vast space sea and yet you are the whole sea at the same time. you are important.

3. you realise life is made up of moments, and each moment is entirely in your control. you are the tour guide of your own life and you always have the potential to make it one worth viewing.

4. these moments string together to create your journey, and your journey is as grand as space itself, because your entire body is thriving with atoms and molecules that all came from a big bang and you are carrying that energy within you.

5. you came from the stars and they are what made you and you keep them alive just by being here.

6. you have an entire universe within you.

7. you are an entire universe; how you choose to perceive it is entirely up to you.

8. the past and the future are neit
nor there, they are as illusionary as the time we schedule our lives by. all, all that is ever important, is now.

9. and now, i hope you are happy.

i am grateful for solitude
i am grateful for every person who says thank you when i'm driving and i let them pass
i am grateful for every opportunity i have been given in my life, although i may not have taken advantage of them;
i am on my own path
i am here to create my own route
and i am not in a hurry
time is fleeting but i have paused all the clocks on the supermarket shelves
i do not rush
i can taste moments
i inhale them like the smell of fresh bed sheets
i am grateful for my body
it is articulate, it is flawless by design; it is bespoke
i learned to love myself when i stopped expecting other people to love me,
and i am grateful for all those who didn't
because now, i am grateful for me
and i travel like a lone wolf so freely under moonlight
my howl is there to invite you,
to show you that you, too, are worthy of loving you

i have never watched a single sunset with you in mind
lie
i have watched one;
the clouds that belonged to the sky had been kissed by the sun itself and they had melted into gold dust, spreading lemon chiffon, papaya whip and apricot; a sunset so beautiful you could taste it
and as vermilion started to seep through, there was all the fire but there was no smoke;
the sky was aflame, enriched and doused in dripping watercolour; i loved it
i loved seeing something so ferociously enticing be so innocent and composed, i questioned
how can this, this that evokes such burning emotion make me feel so at ease?
i stood and i watched the sun set;
there was nothing conceited about the way it moved, slowly;
knowing you'd come back the next day to watch it all over again.
and i did.
but i didn't think of you.