I look at the moon and think of you.

a love lost,
is a love found.

a love for art
a love for earth
a love for literature
a love for life
a love for me

a love lost,
is a love found.

so thanks,
for allowing me
to find love
in myself.

there are so many things i want to say to you.

yet,
here i stand,
before you in silence.
watching your hair blow softly in the wind,
and your eyelashes kiss your freckled cheeks.

i had so many things i wanted to say.

yet,
i am frozen.
like a boat in the middle of winter,
drowning in your stormy blue eyes.

i can’t remember,
a word of which i wanted to say to you.

so i just say
“thanks.”
and walk away
with a head full of thoughts
and a mouth full of words

it’s 2am and i’m dreaming about you
it’s 2am and i’m drowning
it’s 2am and i can’t fall to sleep
because all i can think about is you you and you
...
it’s 2am and
i’m
tired

eyes as blue as the sea
i drown every time
you look at me
slowly i can feel myself
fall
     ing

“till death do us part.”
little did i know,
i died the day i said
“i do.”

Some people
bask in the sunshine,
soak up the rays
within their skin
and feel the warmth
swimming through their veins.
Others find happiness
in the rain.
Water droplets falling around them,
hand outstretched
into the storm,
feeling the rain hitting bare skin.

Some people
find sadness
in the rain,
umbrellas facing the cloudy sky,
rain boots splashing
in depthless puddles.
Others find sorrow
within the sun rays,
restless hands waving fans
in sweaty faces.

You can’t appreciate the sunshine
if you have never experienced the storm,
they say.

gradually,
the sea became separate from the sky.
casting a golden glaze upon a million shades of soft blue.
the burning flame grew ferociously,
fanning it’s yellow fibres
between the round, fluffy clouds.
one breath,
comes and goes unconsciously,
as does the translucent ocean,
lapping upon the sparkling sand.

if i could get
my feelings about you
written down on paper
i’m sure i’d be
a famous poet
but no matter how hard i try
or how long i think
no words come to mind
just a tight feeling in my chest
and a warm fire inside my heart

why do you like him?
he asked
he inspires me
she answered
simple as that.

even flowers wilt in the sun.

and that's how you left me.

drenched,
in rain water,
and heartache.
surrounded by a pool
of emptiness.
the cold was unbearable
yet,
i couldn't bare to move.
knowing once I did
it would be
the end,

of everything.

she shined so bright
that he was surprised
he couldn’t taste the stars
dancing on her skin.
surprised he couldn’t smell
the wood burning
and hear the fire crackling.
but most of all
he was surprised
she didn’t know
that she was more spectacular
than the skies on the fourth of july.

I like to watch the world from above,
the bustle of the busy city below me.
People going about their everyday lives.
Maybe someone is going on their first date,
clammy palms and racing heart.
Maybe someone received bad new recently,
"sorry you're fired",
"sorry your grandmother didn't make it".
But yet,
here they are.
Meeting their friends for lunch,
laughing about something that happened moments ago.
Here they are,
still breathing,
heart still beating,
blood still pumping...
still living.

not everything can be black and white.
some things were made to be viewed in full colour,
blinded by pretty pinks,
and engulfed by a sea of shades.

it may be easier to view the world with eyes shut tight.
ignore the things you despise,
and refuse to read between the lines.

but imagine how much beauty,
how much colour,
how much life.

wasted.

you make me see the world
through brighter eyes.
with a prettier mind,
and a softer voice.
i’m dreaming in technicolor
and i’ll never go back to black and white.

what makes you sure
you’re all i need?
what makes you sure
you’re the air i breathe
or the words i bleed?

if you’re really that sure
leave
and let’s see
if you’re really
all i need

the stars aligned when I met you
     sky
          was
                empty
                          when
                                   you
                                         left

your smile could light up
an entire sky
yet you choose to brighten
only my day.
and maybe it’s selfish
that i want to bottle it up
and save it for the rain
but
then again
you don’t seem to mind

there are some things
words can simply not describe
certain feelings that when spoken
sound like a foreign language
tucked away in the ridges of our gums
and clinging desperately to the back of our teeth

there are some feelings
buried deep within our stomachs
like the butterflies we find on first dates
sealed away in first kisses and whispered words

yet these butterflies are more sinister
battering themselves against our ribcages
“i need to be free”
“let me fly”

but
when they finally spread their wings
and are released from their cage
the sky is silent
still
quiet

because there are some things
words can simply not describe

like the feeling of being completely alone
in a room full of butterflies

29.10.22
the night the moon fell from the sky.
weeping stars scattering their gold dust below
and covering the streets with a deafening silence.

we look to the mourning sky,
and ask why,
they were chosen so soon.

one less plate at the dinner table,
two fewer shoes stationed at the front door.
three last
“i love you’s”
“I’ll be home soon”
“see you in five.”

grief eventually fades,
they say.
so
while we wait for the “eventually”

we’ll look for you in the rainbows
search for you in the stars
find you stashed away in our back pockets
like a lucky penny
we hold on to forever.

together we’ll see this through
together,
we will remember you.

I want to laugh,
cry.
Experience heart break
and experience love.
I want to experience the sun and the rain
and the company and the loneliness.
I want to experience life,
every aspect of it.
One thing we should always remember,
there's always a tomorrow.
The sun will always rise
and the sun will always set.
Do what you love,
surround yourself with people who are good for you.
The type of people who talk too much
and make you feel every type of emotion.
People who ask if you're okay
or if you got home safely.
Take pictures of everything.
Record videos of late nights
and early mornings.
Collect memories,
write them on ink spilled pages.
Your thoughts are your most important aspect.
Scribble them down on the back of a napkin
of the restaurant you stumbled into
at 4am
with the love of your life.
Next year you'll smile
when you read
"tonight, I'm happy."