When do you turn to the gift at hand
the antique beat
******, no pain
the ache is gone
mind won't drift
heavy breathing cat
work was wonderful
friends connections
she wants a new lover
i don't want anything
who draws lines
who counts the hands i hold
who dares restrict me
who can tell me not to live for another
i can be in love
make love
give love
share love
they don't have to be the same person
that doesn't make me promiscuous

I could leave it all behind
pack my bags and overnight
redeye
goodbye

wind up in your arms
try to start a new
life
love a little
become greater

everything is uncertain
i could stay and grow stability
or leave and gain you
i should stay
i'm only just starting my new job
you care about my future

but what if I ignore you and
come to you
and never leave your side?

Body

Clarity:

Aether remnant
Shard in lung
Heavy breathing, caught on a laugh
echoes through the empty room
sensual whisper
footprint of ash
crumpled can
Smell of warmth, laden with stale longing
Burnt into the skin
The cycle begins again

they both require so much ******* effort and I cant

I screamed loudly
they measured each scream
it seemed to fit
they nodded, and clicked on my heart
following my descent
into
madness
and I replay sad violin music, and try to slow down the harmful strokes.
you
you you you
you ALL
sit by
and nod
and hem
and haw
and enjoy
the raw beauty
that are
to you
just
*******
words

It may seem frivolous
It may seem cruel
It may appear false
It could appear so true
All I am
All I am
All I am
All I ever was
All I am
This is all that I am
I could say I was lying
I could pass it off as youthful ignorance
I could take it all back
I should leave it in the box of ideas
But once it's left my lips
I feel the need to cope
I feel the urge to explain
I feel driven to show you how
I feel left to my own devices
I feel the words on my tongue
I feel the passion drain
I cannot change this future
I cannot change this path
I cannot change my past
I cannot melt this steel beam
It's the core of my being
It's all that I am

The past is a present I've already opened
The future is glass
Between the cracks I see non-lighted structures
Do you understand that I'm not real sometimes?
Today I feel whole but not together
Today I feel heavy, relatively
Today I feel like soft dirt spread across a lump of fire
add water, mix and set to spinning in a void
Whatever springs up will forget that you exist
Today I feel like a forgotten goddess
Today I am a beach, in rhythm with myself
I don't need anything else but my rhythm and my sky
I am my heartbeat
Between the cracks in my eyes you'll feel unimaginable things
It may take forever to remind you that you're real sometimes
Today you seem mechanical again, magazine and success in your eyes
Twitch to find your muscles
Is it so strange to speak to the body you wear your whole life?
Who is my skin?
Left pieces of me everywhere today
But tomorrow I'll eat them for energy and feel ripe again.
Don't listen to me, this is just artistic expression.

I don't believe it's terrible
that I'm always this detached

I want to feel alive
I can't control my apathy

Sweet sorrow engulf me, please
it would mean I feel

take everything
from the inside
and throw it all
away
- linkin park

i want a cigarette
i can't decide how much i want to be
happy
i want this
i want this
i will breathe
because i want to
and because this depression is
just a moment of pain

in new zealand
water runs inside of
someone
stalking sheep
and feeling the closest thing to
sane

All of my Facebook "friends"
are asleep
I honestly have nobody I can talk to
Will someone please talk to me

The decline begins with me aching
It started in my back
How has it reached my heart so quickly?
I see nothing useful in these scarred hands
Jeez