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if they say a one-word poem,
i'll write your name...
I'm the ride
or die type
i put your life
before my life
"I'm an open book"
She says

Written in
code.
 Oct 2018 Carterrae aunders
leah
you terrify me
because i know that in years to come
when i am finally happy and settled down,
you will come along,
and i wont even second guess walking
away from that life to be with you.

to be broken all over again.

- Leah
Internal convulsions occur when I
stare
    stare
        stare
at that body that people tell me is beautiful,
but all I can comprehend is that slab of undesired waste
piled up on that heap of toxic reoccurences
that I am too cowardly to face.
My body confidence is at rock bottom.
You're hurting. You're hurting bad.
I can see it in your bloodshot eyes
And how you shy away from smiles
Directed at you. Now your once-had
Gleaming spirit dwindles as it tries
To cut its pain with bleak exile.

But blood is pumping through your veins -
Don't change its course with nails or steel.
Our love for you will never fade, though
You ask me what I'd do if somone else took hold your reins
And replaced you, thinking that would make us feel
Happier - without you? Never. No.

I feel anger and frustration because I'm only human,
But nothing on this planet makes me happy like you can.
I love you, you know that. Believe that in yourself.
So stay with me - you'll be with me,
a heart within myself.
I love you. We all love you. Don't beat yourself up so much, or guess what we are thinking. We don't know what we'd do without you.
when i'm with you
i don't write anymore.
i can't write
because it's quiet in my head.

but then you leave
and it's a riot
but i still can't begin to write.

it takes a while , you know
to channel every one of the voices
and pick the ones
to tune in to.
      
    -why i don't write anymore.
I would probably forgive you
For anything
And I know I should be afraid of that
But instead I’m just glad.
 Oct 2018 Carterrae aunders
A
I am not okay today

I've been underwater
about five beats longer
than I would like
Starving for air
yet my lungs
are already full

My vision blurry
Fragments and flashes
of life
and light
and darkness

I am not okay today
For no reason at all
I am not okay

But I will be.
October 27, 2018
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