The time of your passing etched in my mind
Like a branding iron
It Sears through my heart
As the pain of your loss
Encompasses my soul in limbic state
I search for parts of you to keep
That death may not steal
In a box I place your ring with a lock of your hair
A receipt from the last place we went
Where we exchanged smiles
sharing the closest bond of love

Then ~~your touch was warm
As comforting as the sun
Your energy ~was always gentle and light
As a distant breeze
Oh how I hanker after your essence
Each passing day
The gap widens between us
As I grapple to find ways to not let you go
I stand alone in deep solitude
Finding comfort only in the refuge of the bed
Where you last lay

Breathing your last breath
As I comforted you
Watching the clock
knowing
No other could ever love me
As you did so beautifully
Thanking you gratefully

My inspirational mother

We're all looking for something
To spend our something on
Like a leaf looks for a breeze
A singer looks for a song

Some look for what matters
Some don't care at all
Some are looking for a lift out of this
While others look for a fall

Some flowers like people are looking for Spring
So they can begin again
Some look for the Winter to spill its chill
Putting this all to an end

Some are looking for this and that
Some only looking for this
Sweet 16 by any means
Are out there looking for their first kiss

Some are looking for answers
As problems in life abound
Some are looking for their inner voice
But have yet to hear the sound

Some are looking at a broken heart
In hopes that it will heal
Some have lost the fact of who they are
And only show up for meals

Some are looking to join the crowd
Some to be left alone
Some know where it's at but have yet to grasp the fact
Like when a poet looks for a poem

i remember weeks
of nights i couldn't sleep
on air mattresses and
pull out couches

clutching a brand new
little black mp3 player
earbuds wrapped
around my neck

years and
years later

i'm still lying in bed
but it's broken now
and the music doesn't
play right anymore

(the tracks all
split and break
apart between the
cords and my ears)

and i remember the
night before my
graduation it just
wouldn't play in one ear

and the sounds weren't
coming through right and
i heard a brand new side of a
song i'd known my whole life

(a more raw and real
background track of
harmonization and
something sadder)

and it made me feel
better to know that
there are still unheard
layers to the familiar

that can only be
accessed through
time and the
broken parts.

Most days I find it hard to look in the mirror.
St times, I convince myself that no one would miss me if I were gone.
My scars tell stories that I wish I could keep to myself
I cry for no reason, and I have trouble figuring out the way i'm supposed to function, when my mind is such a scary place.
But-
I got out of bed this morning, and that's a start to getting better.
:)