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Ashley Rodden Mar 2015
My baby just cares for me
But he's never there for me
And its killing me, that I may have to leave
See, he has an artist inside him
And it can't be controlled
No matter his choices its going to show
And if anyone tries to limit that
He'll have to let them go
And now we're having trouble finding a happy medium
Between you chasing your dreams
And providing me with my needs
There's a fine line between it
Love that's colliding in a battle over the use of its meaning
You like to label this as my fault when you talk with your friends
Like you've been living with the ghost of the woman you go to bed with
But you need me to understand that what you've been blessed with is more than just an investment
And isn't here to test me
This is so not what I expected, always feeling so neglected
Our love is a death wish, but I only know one way to say it
I love you and wish for you to stay with me
Miss feeling like im the only one
There's nothing more painful than failing at love
Pack your whole life up and cover it in dust
Baby I feel the tension between us growing and your faith in me is diminishing into nothing at all
And that's so disappointing because I've sacrificed a lot to be with you
Never did I lie to you or stray from you
Yet still you look at me like im the bad guy
And me giving you these sad eyes everytime you ask why
And if that's our past why do you put up with it
And why are you in love with me
If you can't hardly stomach it
Its so fragile and I know im distant
You've dreamt of this for years
So you take it by the handful
But now you have to try and choose
Between the two of us
Ashley Rodden Apr 2015
Someone once told me, in life yur always left holding the same amount of cards
I never really thought of life as a game of cards until now,
Its true in all things in life you get dealt a hand and its always the same amount of cards its just
Up to you how you decide to play your hand
You can go all in,
Go out,
Check,
Or draw,
U can trade some or trade them all,
But in the end  you're still left with the same amount of cards....
This really hit me the other night. I've heard you say it a million times but never really knew what it meant to me, now I know. You are right about "always the same amount of cards."
Ashley Rodden Jan 2015
Show me what I'm worth
When you're facedown, thinking
You're so ******* when you're running your mouth
Got a few things bottled up
Jump on a couple bottles like double dutch
Jager's got your faded when society has me jaded
How do you expect for us to grow
When all you want to do is break
It's time to let **** go
Don't be tough
Just make sure I see you cry enough
Don't bottle this up
The way I make you feel when I'm around
You got to wake up this is the real world
And you're only hurting yourself
When you spend every waking moment
With your fingers crossed
I don't think you can afford to set karma further in motion
Go ahead
Talk **** it means nothing
Ask me what I see in you
I see nothing, I see right through
You're transparent, I know you don't want to hear it
And I don't want to be the one to hurt your feelings
But, I'm not afraid to freak out
Because deep down it ***** to be you
Making small stabs in passing
But the pain is bigger than it seems so,
Stop holding me under and just breathe
Ashley Rodden Jul 2014
Forgiveness, hard to give
  Pride, easy to have
   Hurt, not easy to let go of
Hope, hard to find
Faith, hard to keep
    True Love, the hardest to give, have, let go of, find, and keep...
Ashley Rodden Nov 2013
Anger, bitterness, sadness, and regret
What strong emotions these are to be felt.
What horrible things for someone to feel.
Makes me picture the colors blue and black
Makes me think of bruises and tears.
Loss, lonliness, confusion and hurt.
I want to just make them all go away
I want to make your heart stop bleeding
I want to stop your mind from aching
I want to dry your falling tears and make the world a better place for you to be in.
Lies, deceit, pain, and termoil
These make up the world now days
Everyone hurts everyone without a second thought
No one cares they are evil and selfish.
Sin, loss, darkness, and sorrow
What sad things
What lonely things
What frightening and dark things
How do I go on living with these
How do I not perish into the night.
Money, ***, *****, and drugs
Thats what you do to cope
That's what you long for
It's an unquenchable thirst that can't be slaked
Alternates the way you think.
Abuse, neglect, hurtful words, and agony
The yelling and screaming
The hitting and beating
I know these aches
I have felt these things.
I detest them so much
What agonizing pains.
Stupidity, hatred, carelessness, and shame.
What things to feel
What heavy burdens to bear
What thoughtless things
What hurtful things
How does one live with these things
What a better place this world may be without all these things in it
They will eat you alive and swallow you whole
Make you black and cold
Bitter and scaved
I know about all these things
I have felt all these things....
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Ashley Rodden Jul 2014
Our lives are so different but
I was lonely when we first met
You don't have to speak
Because I can hear your heart beat
You don't have to hide
How you feel when you're in love
I'll always know I'm not enough
I miss you now in this
Self afflicted coma
Days drag on like rolling thunder
When I feel all the stress
I'm lonely and depressed
I know it hurts to feel alone
Because I'm all* by myself* more
than you could know....
Ashley Rodden Sep 2015
As we make mistakes I can see the light come around
And strange as it seems I’m bursting at the seams
For things to turn around
My photos don’t turn you on anymore
My stone washed jeans are darker than they seemed
It all tastes the same though, so you say
But there’s something different about my mouth
You try chasing dreams but it’s harder than it seems
I can’t express my mixed emotions
About thoughtlessness
But I’ll be forever in your debt
And I try to understand the little boy inside the man
As I lay my heart in your hands
All I ask is you please just hold me close to your heart
Don’t let distance keep us apart
After all this is written in the stars
So lets teach each other again and again
I love you now and forever
Never meant to cause you sorrow or pain
Just let me explain
My heart aches
Trying to find it’s place

Sometimes I don’t know why I care
I sit down and take all my makeup off
I lay down but you don’t wake up
Sometimes I wonder if you even know I’m here
I can’t remember the last time we had a real heart to heart
But I’m a woman
And I deserve your all
I’m not some girl who doesn’t know what she wants
I need to be touched
And I need to be loved
Because being just your girl isn’t enough
I hope you wake up before it’s too late to make up
No one will ever replace me
And I miss what we had
All I really need to hear is I’m your only one
Instead I find so many more
I’m not a friend who only needs you sometimes
And if I’m truly your lady
You got to treat me like it
I’m a woman with a heart
One part love, one part wild
Skin, hair and eyes
That are only mine
Why don’t you appreciate all that
I thought you adored?
I don’t just want to be a part of your world
I want to be what your universe is made of
Don’t leave me in all this pain
Come take these tears away
Un-break my heart
Time is so unkind
And life can be so cruel
So why do you have to lie to me
Just be a man about it

For I so love you I give you all of me
But you no longer appreciate a single thing
I’ve tried to tell you a thousand times
But you don’t listen baby
I think you want other women
I think you play around on me
Maybe I drew first blood
But if you want to keep this real
You were the first to hurt my soul
You told me everything was cool
So how come I feel like such a wreck
How come I’m all alone
You say everything will be fine
Why am I losing my mind
How come I feel like a fool
Why do I keep loosing you
Why do I love in despair
When you’re not there
There’s no me without you
I try baby
Really I do
But I’m only a woman

So before we have a bigger problem
Let me take it from here
You should think about the time you waste
Because my last name isn’t going to change this way
So can we just take it all back
Back to all the moonlit nights of making love
I just need to know I’m all you want and more
The odds are clearly stacked against us
We’ve been in this storm way too long
There are many things that test us
But the only way to win is to pick up a sword and stay storng
So I need to know
Do you want to take this back…?
We can’t stay in each other’s lives without making some sacrifice
And you don’t take this serious
Because I give my all
And that’s never good enough
For better or worse I’ve kept all my promises intact
I honored love
But it becomes so hard when my hands are tied
Everything you could want or need lies within me
It’s staring you in the face
I love despite the heartbreaks and being left out
You’re not the only one who’s been around
Of all the others you’re thinking of
I’m the one who’s showing you all about love
I don’t need my hands to feel the things I feel inside
I know that which is inside my heart is right
And they won’t hold you like me
They won’t touch you like me
And I manage to love you with hands tied behind my back

There’s cracks in our hearts and heads
But your smile sticks a kiss that could stop it
I just want to be better than all that came before me
Do you need to go and find everyone who cared for you
To know this
Because that will be nothing more tomorrow
You say you couldn’t do the things you did before
You won’t leave me ever again
Because you can’t stand to be alone for long
There’s always something missing in the after glow
But I’m always here to save you from the dark
Even after you take away my halo
Ashley Rodden Jun 2018
Taking my pill
Sometimes I forget
That's okay I guess
Getting wasted on wine
Another day
And it won't ever change
And it hurts all the same
Losing my way
Feeling afraid.
Ashley Rodden Sep 16
They say,
People don't change unless they have a reason,
And I wanted so badly to be your reason.
Ashley Rodden Nov 2014
Let it burn slow
As my heart becomes numb
And it's okay if it's bitter, I found out
So is the taste of love
Clear, transparent, and 80 proof
Just like my soul was to you
Feeling lost and confused
Like I always am without you
And I catch myself wishing
You were whispering my name
Every star, every scar
Every mark upon my heart just up and fades away
And I feel myself missing everything we threw away
Every dream, every scene
Every song we'd ever sing
Was lost in yesterday and
Now I'm trying to do without you
But I can't seem to give up this fight
And I know everything would be alright
If I could just kiss you tonight so,
Should you find yourself wondering if I still think about you
I want you to know that
Every thought, every step with
Every tear, and every breath
I swear I do
This backwards leaving, game we're beating
Stupid reasons, useless feelings
I'm not surprised
It's all a part of our failed attempts to say
Goodbye
Now I'm bleeding where I bled
You're hiding where you hid
Burning out instead
Of trying again
And the softer side of unbearable makes for complicated feelings
My minds been mistreated, I wasn't prepared for this
Now I just want to disappear
Drink until I'm unaware
But instead I stay awake
Feeling cold and tired
Right back where I started
Drinking myself blind
Trying to forget all the reasons why
You're no longer....
Mine
Ashley Rodden Nov 2013
You try and tear me down
but your words don't even matter
All they are is a bunch of jibber jabber
We are the ones who you discarded
That's okay because within me is where this all started
You treat me like I'm dirt
when I'm the one who gave birth
I brought into the world a little human being
all you did was shoot a little ***** up inside of me
I'm making all the sacrifices and
You ain't giving up ****
I have no freedom
You still come and go as you please
I go to work
I make ends meet
I have no life except for the one that we made
You gave that up and I'm the one who stayed
So you want to try and run me down?!
To you I will never bow!
I'm still lying in the bed that we made together  
And I'll be cleaning up the mess from here on after
I've done it all
Our son is okay
And it's all thanks to me
You have no part in this little boys life
Your only purpose is to try and cause pain and strife
You're missing out
I'm here for it all
I get the ****** diapers and pick him up when he falls
I get his first smile and the light in his eyes
all you get is severed ties
I get the bumps and bruises
the giggles and sighs
While you're out getting on your high
I see the adoration and love in his eyes
I'm here wiping away all the tears when he cries
I get his affection and kisses too
And you're getting what's been coming to you
So  you want to issue idle threats
and talk a big game
I know it's all ******* you never follow through
with anything that you say
You think being a parent is a convenience
well maybe you should get a clue
Everything that's being done is all because of you
So go ahead and blame everyone you see
because it's nobodies fault but your very own
that you're not the man you outta be
You think you're angry
well how do you think I feel
I'm the one here on a daily basis having to deal
My life is harder than it ever should of been
I don't even know if I can ever love again
These emotions that within me dwell
are like a broken bone they ache and swell
You think you're a father
Honey, you don't know a thing
You're just a baby daddy
Who doesn't have a name.

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden
Ashley Rodden Apr 2014
Baby's heart maybe black and blue
But this beaten heart remains tried and true
It will never hurt or lie to you,
Because you are the one who opened her,
And I still don't know if that was doing me a favor...
It most likely made things harder.
Was making love to you wise,
When it's your kind that I despise...?
Was me opening up and saying what's on my mind a smart move,
Or am I just being naive and crude?
Are you going to hurt me?
Who the hell knows..?
Baby will love you though,
She can't help it you see,
Because, baby's heart only knows how to love with everything.
Had this one saved to the drafts on my phone and ran across it today so thought I'd post it so I could delete it from my phone. It needs all the space it can get :) lol
Ashley Rodden Nov 2014
What a ride this has been
I'm exhausted and I know you are too
I feel so drained, like I have made no difference whatsoever
I want to get you out of the dark place you're in so bad
It hurts to watch you sleep and have to wonder where you're at
Baby come back to me, please, just come back to me
Don't go to that place where I cannot be
Don't leave baby I need you here with me
I'm so tired
I ache from all the mental and physical stress
My emotions are a mess
I just want to fall into a deep slumber of peace and quiet
I want to lay in your arms and feel safe and secure
Why can't I just save you
Why can't I help you through all of this
Why can't I be where you are
I feel so unfunctionable
I'm so tired
I want things back the way they were
I want the old you back
It's like you're half alive but mostly dead
Even in my dreams lately I can't reach you
The thought of losing you scares me so bad
I have started this love thing with you
What good is it going to do me if you're not here to see it through to the end
This is why I was so hesitant with my heart
This is so tough and I don't know if I'm strong enough
I didn't want to need you this much
I didn't expect to want you or miss your touch
I have to get you through this
I have to muster all my own strength and pull you out of this place
Let me help you
I can't watch you unravel in front of me like this
It's like you're falling and I can't catch you
You've been barely hanging on and letting go with all of your might
When I fall you are there to pick me up so why can't I do the same for you
I am just so confused right now and I need to talk to my best friend about it
Feels as if I'm spinning out of control
I feel **** faced drunk
I want to feel pain.
I want to hurt like you are
I want to understand your pain.
Feeling you inside me in my veins is the only cure for this ache
You have become such a part of me and I a part of you
When you hurt it hurts me too
When you smile my soul lights up
When you cry my heart weeps with you
I don't know how this connection between us happened
How is this all possible
Obviously I'm not good at explaining this in words
But, God, I just miss you so much!
Manic attacks are devastating not just to the person they happen to but also to the ones who love them so much....just my perspective though.
Ashley Rodden Mar 2014
I'm a ship that's been tossed
A bridge that's burned
But you brought me back from the point of no return
Now you're not here to catch me anymore, and
I'm gonna have to fall anyway
Because I have so much weight on me
And anything goes when everything's gone
So I say "bring it on"
Because right now I don't feel a thing
And if you would of just left me a single thread to hold onto
I'd have one good reason not to feel the way I do
But can't nothing save me now
I was the fool and
I'm paying for it now because you're no longer around...
And I know you feel like I don't care at all
Because still life goes on,
And it's always not enough or it's way to much
So, how are you when I'm gone?
Because I'm struggling now to make it on my own
And I just want to fall asleep or die
Because this is killing me inside
And it won't stop until my final breath is gone
So spare me those three last words
"I love you"
Because, I'll wait for you but know that I can't wait forever
Now you've made your stand
And I know you have your reasons
Like I have mine
I just hope pride is good company at night
And that we both can find some light in this dark
I still want to be the one you want
But I can't stay here for long,
And I hope you don't learn to love me once I'm gone....
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
All I can think about is you and me.
Ashley Rodden May 2014
I took my time
While I was making up reasons in my mind
To justify all this pain I've kept inside
From fake smiles to lieing eyes
I wanted the bitterness in me to just die

My mama never loved me much
I've never felt honesty in a touch
I shy away from human affection
Until the day you came to me, baby
And I soon found out
Love is blinding, there's no surviving

We had been tried for treason
And crimes we never committed
Love was such a barren place
Seemed there was no hope for the human race
So I started hanging all my hopes on stars
Until they would burn out and be forever gone

My heart was in pieces
Left for the scavengers
To come and pick it apart
I was imprisoned inside my own mind
Hiding behind a convincing smile
All the while thinking
There must be some serenity left in this life

The demons of my own design
Followed me down
My failures engulfed me
And stole my will to fly
But I survived and now
The taste of love will never leave my lips again

I hated all the broken pieces of myself
Until you loved them with a passion
Now I'm feeling completely unbroken
And the brightest parts of me
Are only shades of you
The line is drawn
I pledge my devotion will remain true
This heart is yours everlasting
Your words are forever my inspiration
And my heart beats your name only

It's easy to lose faith in things unseen,
Unsure of what to believe,
Just dying to be loved
Giving up on hopes and dreams,
And letting doubt take everything
But my belief in you will always remain

For so long
I tried to save myself
All the while in sorrow I was drowning
My heart crying out
Then there you were
An image of sheer perfection
You saw the beauty in my flaws;
you pick me up when I fall,
show me the way when I am lost
In the eye of the storm
I know now I'm not alone
Because you give me the strength
I need to carry on

I find my purpose when I look at you
I'll be transparent with my heart
Letting my true colors shine through
I'm a poet without words
Speechless cause you love me at my worst
What did I do to deserve
Someone like you?

You were a starving artist
But you let your walls come down
And found that love is limitless
When you find what's meant to be
It's Supernatural,
It's more than what can be seen
A trust that couldn't be broken
Always seemed impossible to me
But now I've tasted true love and I believe
We're eternal
                             You and me
always i love you to the moon and back
Ashley Rodden May 2014
All the things I want to say
They just don't always come out right
I trip on my words
Because you got my head spinning for sure
There's something about you
I can't quite figure out
Everything you do is beautiful
Everything you do is so ******* cool
I don't know why but, I can't take my eyes off of you
When I'm lost please come find me
And speak sweet words of love in my ear
Your voice is all I long to hear
You are the strength that keeps me marching up hill
The hope that keeps me trusting
My purpose to live
The light to my soul
How could I ever stand in your presence
And not be moved?
You calm the storms when I need rest
You steal my heart and take away my breath
You are all I want
You're all I need
You're everything to me

It was easier to be broken
It was much easier to hide
But looking at you now I have to catch my breath
Because I am still scared to death
I've let you inside
Under my skin
My world now,
Is the reality I see in your eyes
We are walking together a path unknown
We're lost but it feels like home
There's no one around but you and me
That's how I want it to always be
Together
Riding beside you
Off into the sunset
Chasing gold mines
Crossing the fine lines we once drew

I've spent so long in the storm
Been so overwhelmed by it's shapeless form
It was getting harder and harder to tread
With waves always crashing over my head
But when I saw you
I knew everything would be alright
Because you turned the dark into light
For you I will walk on water
And I will catch you
When you get lost in my eyes and fall
Barely surviving was becoming my purpose
Until you came along
Now I'd be so alone without you
And maybe you would be too
But just remember when it feels you have nothing left
My heart will always belong to you...
Ashley Rodden Mar 2014
You stood before me
My eternity within your hands
You spoke my heart into motion
My soul now to stand

You see my failure
Witnessed all my shame
My bitterness weighed upon your shoulders
My faith now to stand

So what can I say?
And what can I do?
But offer this heart
Completely to You

I'll walk upon your salvation
Your Hope alive within
I will believe in us
Like you believe in me

I'll fall to my knees, my heart abandoned
In awe of you who gives your all
I'll stand by your side, my heart to you surrendered
For all I am is Yours

© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
I do believe in us. Baby loves you.
Ashley Rodden Apr 2014
When I met you
All the dreams in my heart
Suddenly came true
You knocked me over
When I was stone cold sober
Not a thing I could do
Maybe when your soul and heart starts burning you will see
That every time I'm talking to you it's always over too soon
And everyday feels so incomplete when I'm not with you
Say the word and I'll jump the moon
When you got a love so strong
How could it ever be wrong
Mercy me, just be mine please
I've already lost all my sanity
Just let your heart belong to me
If I just lay here
Will you lie with me
And just forget the world?
I need your grace
To remind me to find my own
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is in your eyes
Please say you'll always be mine..
Ashley Rodden Apr 2014
The day you got out of our bed you died to me
The drugs guided your footsteps out the doorway
And my heart shattered in a million pieces on the floor.
From this mess a seed was made and born.
Now he will grow up finding out what it means to leave.
You're going to miss all his firsts,
Because you're his last.
The one he'll never need.
When he sleeps,
I'll lie awake watching over those closed eyes,
And I'll pray he's alright.
He won't walk the same path as you.
He won't take the easy way out like you always do.
He'll be stubborn like me and always have to fight.
He will have a strong, but always broken mind.
Just look what we have done.
All that we destroyed he will have to build again,
Because, he was born into an evil world thanks to you and me.
I'd give my soul for his protection.
My life to save his.
I'll give up my dreams to make sure he lives out his.
I'll suffer depression to make sure he's happy and good.
So now tell me,
What will you ever do...?
Just like I thought.
Not a **** thing!
Because that's all you are or ever will be.
I guess having no dad is better than having a bad dad....:/ Right?
Ashley Rodden Jan 2014
How bitter I feel sometimes
It consumes me when it takes a hold
I struggle with this all the time
I'm bitter that you didn't stay
Bitter that I can't let go

I hate what you have done to me
I despise your voice and your phony disguise
I detest your personality
It's the ******* one I've ever seen and
Your attitude ***** even worse
You're just so **** mean!

I'm bitter that I can't even talk to you,
Because all you do is lie
I loath your innate ability to always make me cry
I would love to just break your stupid jaw!
I can't stand how raw you are!

Why did we ever have to meet?
You are definitely my biggest and worse mistake
And that's something I'll always kick my own *** for
I wear the pain and shame like a mask to the ball

I'm jealous of the innocent so
I've tried it all from
cheap *** to *******
Anything to try and disguise this pain.
God, what's it going to take to let this bitterness go?!

If all this pain would just dissipate
maybe I'd quit crying all these black tears
But they just keep falling down one at a time
And my heart feels so serrate

I hate how you can still get to me somewhere deep inside
It's amazing I still have any tears left to cry,
But I can't give into this darkness that consumes me.
I won't let you win!
I will not accept this defeat,
And because of that I will never let anyone really know me again.
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Ashley Rodden Jun 2018
Sometimes i think the bitter in me is the quitter in you
Sometimes I think the bitter in you is the quitter in me
And it's bigger than the both of us could ever be.
Ashley Rodden Apr 2016
I saw you alone in the garden, I wanted you so much
You were different and rare, I couldn't get enough
I tried to save you from yourself,
I felt every high and low
But now the lows have drowned out the highs,
And there's nowhere else for me to go
your thorns are cutting into me as
I watch your petals wilt away,
And I can't bring you back to life
Black Rose
You were always where the sun could never go,
I never wanted you to have to be alone
But I couldn't find a way to help you grow because
You never tell me how you feel and your moods, they always change
I really tried to make it real but you never had the faith
I tried to give you something good to take away your pain
I tried to make you understand that it don't have to be this way
Black Rose
You are who you are
All that you've been put through couldn't be repaired
I couldn't break through, too far apart now
I'm the one who's hurt, but I'm the only one who cares
You need someone to turn to
And I'm no longer there
I can't bring you back to life
Black Rose
Every time I held you I knew that it would hurt but
Only through the pain could I find a way to learn
So wilt away, I can't bring you back to me now,
Because you've never seen the garden of Eden
Only the garden of bleeding,
Where your roots maybe ***** but your petals remain pretty
Black Rose
Ashley Rodden Sep 2019
And I loved you through all of your chaos
More than once I've ****** out the poison
in your veins, all the manic
I loved you crazy, I loved you mad
Your darkness doesn't scare me anymore
I learned from the best to not be afraid of the monsters under the bed
And to shine my light no matter how dim into your minds dark corners
My darling black rose, with your razor blade thorns
See how torn
You make me
But I endured the beatings as a means for your healing
Tragic romance in the end, because a black rose doesn't stand for happiness
Ashley Rodden Mar 2018
Your whole life's been spent staring out the cracks
Slipping words to the people that ever get close enough to grasp
And you're looking at me like another broken glass
Getting closer to the edge without any emotional attachment.
And maybe you don't see that all of this around you is a simple web of lies that was designed to make you soundproof
That's exactly why you scream like all the proud do
And I slam against the gates with my poems until I plow through.
I see the smiles and your frowns, how you feel like everything in your life is nailed to the ground
And I see you speak with so much distaste in your mouth
While letting everything break you down to the bottle, trying to drown yourself
I guess there's no hope left, all the ships are leaving the port and the wine is smelling like death and
You can smoke holes in your chest, until you're left breathing out your last cold breath
I've tried to tell you
All your demons are waiting to get you
And the room's full of them, from the bar to the booth
Leave the music in the corner and stray far from your roots
You never thanked your mother for infecting your youth
With a healthy taste for violence and a hundred fifty proof
And all you ever learned from life, is an icepack
It's good to stop the swelling and for chilling down your pint glass
Now every evening as you open your nightcap
You drink yourself away like it's the only way to fight back
And I can show you how I feel and what it does to me
And how when I look you in the face I only see what has become of me
The product of your liquid courage company
That drowned away your sorrows before you knew that they were running free
So breathe in, and breathe out
Blur the space between us and constrict me everytime I reach out
Break the mirror so you never have to see out
And know that you are left talking to yourself now
I wish I could of saved you but
At the bottom of the bottle
You won't find me waiting now
Ashley Rodden Nov 2013
I miss you tonight

the same way I did last night

Your voice

Your laugh

The jokes we tell

I just miss you

and I can't help but wonder... Do you miss me too?

I had a long day

And I don't even know if yours was ok

I don't know why you haven't called me at work

I go out of my way to be with you

and sometimes it feels I don't get the same in return

I'm kind of upset right now

I know I shouldn't be

I was just hoping you would come stay the night with me

I didn't want to get to this point

The point of no return

But obviously I have so now I don't want to get burned

Little things hurt me

And I'm sure you don't understand

Just like I don't get what it's like to be a man

I try to see things from your point of view

Why don't you do the same for me too?

I don't like to be disappointed with the things that you do

I don't like being down and confused

I just want to talk, I want to talk to you

But sometimes I don't know how

So I lock it all up and don't make a sound

I've tried to be numb

and not feel a thing

I try to ignore all the little things that sting

Sometimes I guess my emotions just take over

I don't try to rag on you

Or make you feel bad

I just don't always know how to make you understand

I don't know how to be ok with certain things

I just want you here not in my dreams

Maybe I'm selfish and don't want to share

I don't want to lose you

But scared to death I will

I don't really know what I'm trying to say

I probably won't even send this

So it don't matter anyway....

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden
Ashley Rodden Mar 2014
What happens to a man when
he spills his heart on a page and
his feelings just lie there lonely,
waiting...
for someone who cares enough to read them,
to see if they can make his thoughts their own
to find out that maybe his life's not perfect and
maybe it's not worth all that he gives away...

You can see his broken soul is bleeding
So concede your feelings inside yourself,
As you wander through his lonely heart,
Letting you see through him
Now consumes all his thoughts
So forget your pain, as you watch him fall apart

What happens now to his broken mind when
It's trapped inside all these emotions
And all of the words he has ever spoken
They bind him to the life he's left behind
And every new step he takes
He knows that he might not make it
To all of the dreams that he has yet to find

You can see inner torment is tearing his mind apart,
He seems so helpless and broken
Where does someone like you begin to fix that?
How do you tie the knot tight enough when he's at the end of his rope
No hope left in his troubled eyes

What becomes of his tortured soul
when it can't be free from the bars that hold it
from ever leaving the hell it's trapped in?
Am I the wanderer brave enough to conquer
all these demons that lie in hiding,
waiting....
for all his dreams to fail him.

© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Ashley Rodden Jun 2015
Violent breathing keeps the oxygen flowing through these torn up lungs and
My hearts beating but it can’t save you so it seems
And I still have messages to send to the one I love
So I sing into the night
And try to break all the silence between our hearts
With one attempt to rise above this hurt
Avenge my soul and mend your soul
I can feel your heart through my hands
I feel your loneliness and I’m reaching out to you
Give this a chance to lift us up and out,
Bring us above this solid ground
I’ll do whatever it takes,
Whatever it takes to break the silence in our hearts...
Counting days since my love got lost to me
And every breath that I'm taking
Since I left feels like a waste of me
I've been holding onto hope
That you'll come back when you find some peace
Cause every word I've heard spoken
Since I left feels like a hole in me
But I hope I never lose the bruises you left behind
Oh my Lord, I need you by my side
There must be something in the water
Because every day it's getting colder
And if I could only hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
Maybe I'm just being blinded by the brighter side
of what we had because it's over
There must be something in the tide
Because I've been told to get you off my mind
But I hope I never lose the bruises you left behind
Because it's your love I'm lost in
And I'm tired of being so exhausted
Even though I'm nothing to you now
All I have left to remind me of our existence are the bruises you left behind
You ruined me.
Ashley Rodden Jan 2014
I have all these fears
that create doubt within me
I'm so sad it hurts and still
You ask me to trust.
You want me to give unconditionally
But for what?
I'm already down on my knees as
I beg and plead for someone to rescue me
Someone come save me from these demons
that are consuming me!
It's dark here where i am
and I don't know if I'll ever find a light again
I'm gasping to breathe
All this pain inside is destroying me
I just want so bad to be free
I'm tired of this life dragging me down
tired of listening to everyone around me shout
I want numbness to take a firm hold of me
I want to feel nothing, cold as can be
Because I will never trust anyone again completely
mostly because I don't even trust me
I don't know when I'm going to finally snap
Right now I'm just stuck in life's heavy trap
I've been rode hard and put up wet
and I am out of gambling chips to bet
I want to give up
and be done with it all
Let go and not fear the fall
Why do I keep pushing myself and the ones that I love?
Why can't I let well enough be and just rise above?
So much madness and hate in this world
what has it made me become?
I feel worthless as can be
when no one is ever there to help me
It's like reaching out for someone who is not there
and I'm always left alone and bare
Always playing this game of truth or dare
It's like a first time kiss,
The price you pay is so immense
So tell me why I keep on playing,
When the price is too high for me to keep on paying?
This dark cloud just keeps hanging above
and I'm standing here stuck in a rut
continually hearing "I love you, but...."
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Ashley Rodden Apr 2018
I find it funny how your heart doesn't work, and that tattoo on your chest spells hurt. And how predictable. You're just another shark who smells blood, trying to figure out where love sleeps and **** it like it has to be stopped. I don't see the reason in your logic, I just understand the plot, and if I don't find it out, I swear I'm going to pop. Just another meal for the vultures, picked into pieces and buried under the boulders. Until the last cracked bone is found, I'm just a victim with my soul torn out of me and shot to the ground, without the glory. Broken and that's the way that you like it with the war horns fired up, and I should have asked you what you wanted before you flashed me those fangs

What did you want from me? You're knocking on doors trying to wake the beast. Head full of thorns, you want to settle the score.

I've been living in this winter you've provided me. Eating all the pages of this history inside of you. For what? I've taken all the pain I can, and plan on jumping off this ship before I lose it and never know who I am. Before this vessel ever gets in sight of land, I'm going to dive into the waters underneath it and take my chances until it drowns out. You've got a perfect way of killing me, an angel in appearance with a smile like a guillotine and I don't think that you can ever change. Pain is your nicotine, fighting me is the flame and it stays that way. Cause everything is frozen in your steps, and this blade is a trophy for your unexpected ways, you're a monster, and I can smell it rotting in your teeth. Just hope that you can figure out what you've been looking for and finally be free.
Ashley Rodden Dec 2013
When you put me in front of everyone or anything
I will promise you love everlasting
But something will always feel like it's missing
When I give you the cold shoulder
And my mood swings drive you crazy
You will soon discover that I am not perfect
That my heart was aborted before it got to be reborn
I know my imperfections will harm you reflection when you look in the mirror of your own mind
But I'll ****** you so you will stay my knight in shining armor
And you will make me your bride
So it will be til death do us part
Playing poker only to find I'll be holding more than your heart
I'll be a reminder of what's behind you
No matter how your mind spins it there I'll be
We will fight to stay alive
But in the end our time will be spent trying to make amends
for things we could of done better
And I'll remain by your side
But only because there's no where left for me to hide
I'll give til there's nothing left
And you will take just like all the rest
I will suffocate you with my wants and needs
And in the end that's what will make you leave
I'll try and entice you to stay
But the intrigue won't be enough to keep you from walking away
You will crave my touch as you lie down at night
But you will feel so much spite
I'll become a mere illusion in your mind
I'll haunt your dreams until you unravel and bust at the seams
And the truth will come to you in waves of sheer perfection
And regret will be your first reaction
In the end we will end up perplexed and alone
We will be filled with bitterness, sadness, and hurt
Our souls will ache and starve
For our soulmate that is gone
With broken hearts we will barely survive
Our lust never slaked, alone
We will hunger and thirst for a love
That could never exist.

© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Ashley Rodden Jul 2014
As I'm falling down
My heart still beats the same
Even as the tears stream
From my blinded eyes
Shattered glass becomes
My reality
Burnt pictures and memories
Keep lying
There is less beauty in life
Than in dying
Blood always stains
The sun no longer touches my face
The road to hell is paved with good intentions they say
I tried so hard to heal the scars and touch your heart
But nothing's as it seems
Hurtful words ring so clearly
Sitting here playing Russian roulette
Gun loaded and pointing right at me
Withered past and a blurry future
Digging this pain inside my chest deeper
Just wish I could
Reverse the curse
Forget how others had your heart first
Like poetry to my ears
We take what has been given
And blow it away like dust
It's hard to be forgiven
When there's nothing left to say
Lying face down in so much pain
I refuse to see that my mind is anarchy
Worthless liar
I come on shameless
But I am ashamed
The sight of my own reflection
I cannot bear to see
Shadows shroud every step I take
Falling from grace the devil's laughing in my face
Fighting for a life that has beat me down
I stand and scream but hear no sound
Rise from the fire a phoenix
Alive and inspired
You cannot erase me
I'm a sinner conceived by the flames
Started broken hearted, busting at the seams
Standing back watching my world decay
I don't know why I'm falling apart but I
Need to find someone else to blame because,
You're not the reason I'm insane
I've tasted life's cold steel blade
Choices haunt me everywhere I go
It never goes away
Too busy with the lies they sold me
Open myself wide to all the **** they feed me once more
Are you satisfied?
I've given all I can
Are you now pacified,
Or do you still want more from me?
There is a thin line between pleasure and pain and I'm
Walking this tight rope while the ends slowly fray
This could be the death of me
Staring in the eyes of truth
The image is cracked but so is the view
Feeling so dominated
Issues pinning me to the floor
Like being rapped and left for nothing more
Hiding from the scars of my own reality
Sedate myself until I'm drowning
Got a pill for everyday
And a little black dress to mask the pain and
This monster inside that I'm feeding
Lacking perception in all that I do
Crying out in pain
But no one knows where to find me
Screaming out in vain but
No one can reach me
Ashley Rodden Jun 2014
Just when I had given up all hope
That true love existed...
You became the living proof that I needed.
You saved me in more ways than you may ever know. Thank you for loving me because I love you too. :)
Ashley Rodden Jul 2014
Upset
Bad day
Trying to drive
the pain away
All that remains,
Leftover tears
Anger running
down both cheeks
Feeling all alone
Left to deal
Drenched in sorrow
Wanting to find some
hope
for a better tomorrow
Bite my lip
forget the bleeding
Weeping as
you wrap me
in your arms of healing
The deeper I cut
the worse you hurt
Slowly I open wide
and
Find relief
in your life,
Finding the love
I've needed
in your eyes...
Ashley Rodden Jun 2015
I try so hard to hold onto a past
that's already let me go.
Ashley Rodden Jun 2014
You got exactly what I need
And
When you stop and stare
I still get weak in the knees
I can never afford the love you sell
But I sure as hell can't afford to watch you leave
How could I ever lose your heart to another?
Couldn't wear this smile for someone other than you
I may not be the easiest to love
But every ounce of me
I invest in you
You bring out the best in me
And you have all of my heart
I see my purpose when I look at you
I am transparent, vulnerable,
letting my true colors shine through
I'm a poet without words, speechless,
that you can love me at my worst
My love is limitless, it's where it should be
It's more than what can ever be seen
This life ain't the fairy tale we thought it would be
Sorry I can't always find the perfect words to say
But, I savor every minute I get
Through all the sleepless nights
That I never get used to
I still feel you
Every time I go I leave a part of myself in your arms
I hear your voice on the phone
And
God, I miss you
You hold up my world
Baby, I so need you and all
The little things you say always mean so much
You never back down, never shy away
Undeniably you inspire me
I have been kissed by destiny
No makeup or fancy clothes
Cover ups or push ups no need to put on a show
You love every freckle, every curve, every inch of who I am
Fulfilling me entirely when you take me all in
This is real
Your soul, your flow, your truth are simple proofs
We were meant to be
Because you're loving me for me
I love you B!
Ashley Rodden Nov 2014
I guess now would be a good time to tell the truth
But the honesty I carry will surely bury you
Like your lies I believed were true
I am not like you though, you're always right
Never wrong,
And you're a sad sight for these sore eyes of mine
A headache for my now weak and tired mind
But you still get me so tongue tied
And I know it's a waste of my time
Because you've become the smile I no longer force
You're the distance that's come between
And I just tried to be everything you'd need
Selfish minds think alike
And I'm wasting all your time
You were in love and so was I, but
Now you can keep your hands to yourself
I know those lips have been on everyone else
Save it for the bedroom when you're not alone
Keep all your lies to yourself,
I've already heard them all from someone else
You ******* me good, and
I became another mark on your shirt,
Just another night and another girl
But admit it I tasted good,
Go home now and wash my jeans
Because there's dirt on the knees
And jealousy consumes me
You loved me, well I loved you too
Especially below the waist
Because that's where players play the game
Those eyes of yours go to my head
But they're n longer enough to take you to my bed
You talk a good game that's for sure
Now look at the face you chose to play
Did you win what you were hoping for?
We will never be the same
Because this is war,
This is my heart,
And the stakes have been raised
It's your call,
So much has changed,
So, lets get this straight
Only you could of taken it away
And that was too high a price for you to pay
I played the lady, you played the gent
And we called it all time well spent now
Here we are standing in the calm before the storm we have been weathering for so long
Now it pours, and it's felt not heard
It washes off all our colors
No need to wear them anymore
Just remember all your lovers, and all the respect that was lost at their door
You had front row seats to me on my knees
Wasn't the show everything you hoped it would be?
We were onto something, you and me
Now you're just teaching me the game you play so well
So many things you said and I won't get over it
Because all the disappointment has caused me to move away
So I can train myself to maybe trust again someday
Just know I'm the best you'll ever get
And you've convinced me to never love again...
Ashley Rodden Jun 2014
I breathe you in
And laugh as I choke on wasted nights
They were the best times of my life
But somehow I'm sleeping alone
And I don't want anyone to wake me up
Because now the thrill is gone
The sunset is turning red
Behind all the smoke
Forever and alone
I have been strapped to this bed
Where the taste of you and me
Will never leave my lips again
I want to hold your hand so tight
That my own bones break inside
And when the drunken moon sings tonight
I'll sing right along
Because I know not the words to any other song
Don't you dare blame me
My love for you was shameless
Now I can barely whisper your name
So, I'll try to write it in my own blood's ink
And if that doesn't work
I'll sing it
Because the song will be yours forever to keep
And when the sun sinks down into the ground
I'll scream over the sound
I know what it's like to feel burned out
But please just put it down
You're just wasted and dwelling on the past now
Baby, it will all be okay somehow
I know you think you can't take anymore
As you draw the shades and close the door
I know you would rather die than sleep one more night alone
So if you need to be free
Why don't you just say something?
You're made of poison and it's killing me
You're leaving me just when I thought you were mine
And I can't see your face as
Failing dreams amass a hundred sleepless nights
And maybe I'm holding on a little too tight
Because nightmares no longer wait for my sleep they
Leave me crawling on my hands and knees
Do you still love me?
Is what I'm dying to know
Have you forgot what we shared?
Were you ever really there at all?
Thoughts in your head that will never leave
Is that a price you're willing to pay?
Constant recovery
When you choke it takes my breath away
Just promise you won't leave
I know you're tortured within
I see the hunger in your eyes once again
Am I the only one who thinks you should stay alive?
Calm on the surface but the bottoms where you lie
Telling yourself just one more taste will get you by
I'll hold you down
While you destroy the world
I hear you breathing on the phone
I'm not your type
I'll just leave you hurting every night
Screaming into a pillow alone
Drawing hearts on a steamed up bathroom window
Should I love you back or just leave you alone?
What you love is what you have
And you would die right now for
Something beautiful to take you somewhere else
Just break down the better side of me
Forget regret and
Taste this lust like a hammer to the teeth
I can show you what being in love really means
This is all for you
To the end
I'll never leave without you buried next to me
They will never take us alive
Lets just chase away the darkness
So we can live in love and die
This is all just a test
Stone cold sober and scaring us to death
And I don't care if you're sick
I would kiss you no matter the consequence
You are something to me beyond beautiful
And I am perfect with you
They say our love will never mean a thing
But as long as your heart still beats
I'll love you with all of me
Ashley Rodden Mar 2015
I want to untie this noose
Break free from the chains that my heart is bound to
Rip away this flesh that still feels you
Destroy the bond that holds me to you
Extinguish our first kiss, dissolve the first time we made love, Ignore the first lie,  negate the first fight, revoke all the bad words we ever spoke,  I just want to stop believing in you,
All of this I wish to abrogate
The sleepless nights, the worrying, the spite, the distance, the heartache that won't subside
I want to put an end to this game we began
Become unaccustomed to your ways
Bust free of this cage I'm in
Longing to undo me and you...
Letting go is the hardest thing ever
Ashley Rodden Dec 2013
Wake up
Get dressed
Off to work
wanting to be making love to you instead
Out making money
Punching a clock
Put up with ******* until your day is done
Pick up the baby
Run to the store
Figure out what's for dinner
Now your day's almost done for
Cook and clean
Do the dishes that are ***** in the sink
Put in a load of laundry
Then finally we get to speak
"How was your day baby?"
"Mine was fine." I reply
Now it's late
Put on our pj's
hop into bed
But wait someone wants you to tuck them in
Exhausted now
Just want to sleep
Didn't get to make love to you again
It's been a week
We will try for that tomorrow
Tonight lets just sleep
Just dose off it seems
The alarm clock rings
Make breakfast
Get dressed
Off to work again
Drop off your kid at daycare
Same ole thing day after day
Caught up in a rat race that never seems to end
The same ole job
Same old dull routine
Why keep doing this to us?
Give it your all just to try and make ends meet
A two bedroom house for your family of three
The common things in life are what you have to do you see
I guess that's why most people's dreams don't ever come true
Why is life so cliche'
How does happiness ever get to exist
When so much gets in the way of this
What does it take for love to conquer all?
Is it rising every time you fall?
It's no wonder most relationships don't make it now days
Call me a hopeless romantic but I don't think it has to be that way
I may not know a lot about life
But I know one thing to be true
the everyday things in life won't ever change the way I feel
in my heart for you
and that my darling is a love that will remain nothing but true
I'll withstand the force of the blow and I will shelter you.
I won't let the common things take away the magic we discovered
in our first kiss
We are epic and our ending is set
the way the universe says it will be
So don't worry about the everyday common routines
because those don't define what love is
and that is you and me.
Ashley Rodden Jun 2016
I've been here so many times
Doing all the time while you are
Committing the crimes
Of passion and lust
Watching you work
Yourself ashes to ashes and
Dust to dust
Your love might be my damnation
And ill cry to my grave
Holding on to someone I hardly really know
Cool as they come one day and a hot mess the next
All the late nights and phenomenal ***
All the ***** and cigarettes
Haunting my thoughts consuming all my days
Always craving more, giving until I have  nothing left to give away
You cry out for me to save you and I always try my best
Holding you up until I collapse

You Bleed me dry of every ounce of strength and
Leave me with no absolutes only hurt
This chip on your shoulder we call bipolar
Feels like the weight of the world
Only way to face it is to muster up all your courage  

The tone in your voice always changes
Sometimes you sound just like a stranger
You load up your questions and pick up all your sticks and your stones so
I can be your shelter for heartaches that don't have a home
Use the words that cut to the bone
Im no longer afraid when you rare back and take aim
I'll be the target for all your hearts pain

Wish I could say I've never been here before but we both know
I'll always come back for more
I must find comfort in all the hurting
You **** me dry then leave me wondering
Did I really even save you at all or am I just a bandage for the worst that's yet to come
You act like a fool but I am the fool in this game called doing what lovers do
Im your enemy and your ally,
You're everything until something more important comes your way

But let me tell you something,
No true love ever came from money and power
No family was ever built on working so many hours
Friendship doesn't blossom from one sided conversations
Trust isn't earned from faking a happy face
Respect isn't given when you only take away

The aftermath leaves my soul broken on the floor with no where to escape
In this broken home
Ashley Rodden Dec 2013
Straight from the womb
You must have been marked
as a beast of some kind
And there's so many reasons
why I am not crazy for leaving
Just crazy for staying so long
It's amazing how I'm still breathing
and that I can feel anything at all
For all the pain you've caused me
You're the crazy one after all
There's no need for words
When my crying eyes have said it all
I've done my time
for the wrongs that I tried
but couldn't make right
So I'm not crazy for leaving
Just crazy for hanging on
You're so far gone
You've found your way back to the bottom somehow
And I'm moving on
Now you can't find your way out
I'm sure you thought it would be easy
But a love that is sent from above is the killing kind
So put your mind to rest and try to sleep it off
Watch me as I dance in your dreams
Time can't erase all the things you've seen
Crazy when she comes
And crazy as she goes but,
You're the one crazy after all...

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden
Ashley Rodden Jul 2014
don't worry baby, it's all going to be fine because
your hands not letting go of mine
when worse comes to worse
i'll hold on tight even when it hurts
the ground is shaking trying to tear us down
but we won't be forsaken we know what we've found
our love saves us
the river may run deep but our hopes grow tall
our love saves us now
as we jump from stone to stone
just got to believe we won't fall
do you remember the promise?
remember when this was all brand new
how deep into you I fell
I believed in us then and I still do
with shivering hearts we wait
sometimes we even hesitate
but we're  still holding on
now that we're here we've come so far
so just hold on
there's nothing to fear I am right beside you
for all my life I am yours forever
love is not always easy but when it's true it sure is worth it
Ashley Rodden Apr 2014
You were the boy my mother never wanted me to meet
I was left broken and torn lying at your feet,
And the purest light couldn't shine bright enough upon us.
I could of been your angel,
But you were too dumb to speak,
And as we got nearer, the visions became clearer.
Now I'm kneeling and weeping,
Please just hold me, even if your eyes may water
Because it's a crying shame
What we became.
Words ****** your throat,
And I scream ****** ******,
As the arches crumble,
And up the hill we stumble.
We are golden no more, smiling in our own blood,
Caught in a whirlwind, reaching towards heaven.
Standing on trial like a painted canvas,
An eternal testament to how we are so animistic,
And I bow my head in the morning light,
I hold your hand and kiss your eyes one last time,
Before our love is left to die.
Ashley Rodden Jan 2015
Colors fade from gold to gray
Now broken my foolishness is displayed
This violent loving embrace
Lying restful safe in your arms
Steady rhythm trusts I'll come to no harm
Feel your tremble as the nightmare begins
Sleep with horror until it ends
Whispering a sweet sound fanning the flames
Thoughts consume me and leave me wallowing
My fingers tremble your lips move silently
One last I love you crushes my resolve again.
Ashley Rodden Mar 2014
I let you in, close enough to hurt me
Knowing you could but hoping you would never.
I dropped my guard,
Took my finger off the trigger,
Let myself be completely vulnerable,
Made my love accessible to you only,
Trusted whole hardheartedly,
Believed every word you said,
Just for you to lie,
And break your promise in the end...

© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
I just don't get it.
Ashley Rodden Apr 2014
Lately I can see nothing in your eyes
Except for maybe the coming of a goodbye
I know not of your kind
And I'm longing to unveil your evil mind
You're like pouring salt into and open wound
Please tell me this hurt will be over soon
I'll sacrifice myself and give you what's left
It's become to me plain as day
Soon I'm gonna need a change in the worst way
Not getting to you is killing me
And eventually I will suffocate from lack of  breathing
All the lies need to stop
Because I'm running out of the stone is takes to be your rock
So watch the words you say
Because it's the ones you don't
That I take the wrong way.
Just getting through to you takes all my strength
And soon enough I will suffocate.
I'm dying inside
So is this is your idea of torture?
I'm asking you with my heart still barely beating
Why are you killing all the good left within me?
I could take every word you ever said
Throw it in your face and be done
Because I've gathered so many, and kept them so close
But all I want is to make this love real.
I can still remember how you looked at me
A scowl upon your face trying to be sincere
But you smothered me when you just lied and acted fake
I'm so far away from you now
We'll never be able to bring back yesterday
And I keep trying to forget you
But it leaves me less than zero,
Beat down and bruised
I try to take a breath but then I start choking
I try to remember to just forget you,
But all I ever achieve is pure agony
I have this empty hole now where a heart should be
And no words left to serenade me
I just keep slipping farther as I'm left to bleed out
I have no voice left to protest all that remains is doubt
There are no reasons left for me to be
Because your deceit just took the breath right out of me.
DEF
Ashley Rodden Jan 2014
DEF
You think no one sees this
Well I think it's time you knew the truth
All the diamonds have left your bones,
You're all flesh and no feelings so why don't you just
Throw it to the wolves!

You spit words like you're someone else.
I once was stuck in the promise you made but now,
I'm tapping out.
You chewed me up and spit me out and
the same mistakes are waiting on you to be made now.
You get what you feel, and what you wish to be,
And you paint yourself in a picture so perfectly,
As you deny the kind of person you really are.
You can't live sarcastic sincerity,
So keep sharpening your guilt temporarily,
And realize that,
I gave you everything and you threw it all away!
.
Love like a cancer, still you begged me to stay.
So kneel to pray,
Live life on your knees as you embrace your own disease.
Stop to breathe as you start to choke, and let your life begin.
It will just keep you on your knees begging for more!

You probably thought I wouldn't get this far
You thought I would never escape
You don't know how hard I've fought to survive
Waking up alone when I was left to die.
All these roads I've walked,
All these tears I've bled,
I am the dirt you once walked on and
I maybe a sinner,
But I'm not your *****!

So let me tell you something baby,
I know you love me for everything you hate me for
I'm the one you need and fear the most.
All the judgments you placed on me
Was a reflection of your own self discovery.
So maybe next time before you start casting stones,
You should crawl out of the shadows of the dark unknown,
And take a look in the mirror and try to see the truth in your own face.

I hate the way you dominated and violated me
I hate the way you looked when you would lie to me!
I don't know how we got here,
But now there's no way out!
I will never thank you for all this rage that within you dwelt.
You tore me apart and now you're feeding on my rotten heart!
You were the perfect disease
For the beast living within me!
You were the misery I used to crave!
A faithful enemy holding a sharp stave.

Nothing good has come of knowing you,
So now...
You're going to shut up and know that this life is mine to live alone!
I no longer live to uphold you!
Maybe once I was blind but,
Through your rage I could never be saved,
All you did was embrace my decay,
So shut your mouth and listen to the words I say!
I am nothing of yours
You no longer own me,
And I can't hear you anymore!
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Ashley Rodden Mar 2018
Can't move
Try to fight but it's no use
The more I do, the lower I sink
Into this black tar pit
Ashley Rodden Apr 2014
Most days I just want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else.
Sometimes I get so fed up I can't even
stand to look at myself.
I just want to start my life over
Because, I am slowly falling apart.
So won't you come take a walk in my shoes for a start
And you will soon discover that it's not so easy being me...
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