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Ashley Rodden Sep 16
They say,
People don't change unless they have a reason,
And I wanted so badly to be your reason.
Recalled your fears, now they become tears,
remember I once needed you
Sweet emptiness of love
It's a crime to take all the treasures that I've kept
The lock to my chest now is broken
A hypnotizing stain that drifted between our souls and melts away
An extraordinary color
Brought by cold metal on skin
It's the sweetest emptiness of love
A bitter poison is everything that I've become
And every single tear I owned has run dry on this face
Now that you are gone
I lived enough to know all the reasons why
I felt the end coming
Made a deal with death
And it gives me happy memories of you that turn into amazing horrors
Drains my strength and breath
There is nothing to find, nothing behind, only the ashes of me and you
And some cold rain drops wash us from the floor
Through these eyes the world gives me pain
Knowing the sadness, all the lies and the gain that we share
Something my touch gives to your soul, I know you're here, it's not that you love me but of what you fear
Without me you're nothing, you're just one in a million
Wait everyday inside this black cage
Hope doesn't seem to fade away
Tomorrow brings the same again
I'm a mirror reflecting your soul
The way you like to see it
It's not really there
As that little boy cries, I cry as well
Strange complexity of torture and madness my awareness brings to me
As i tried to reach you I could grab only air
I reached out for the end
Don't you ever go outside afraid of what is waiting
You said "the world is so cruel sweet baby and I'm the one you can call for help" but you know that's not the answer
'Cause you're lost and so afraid right now you feel the anger coming, and now who will you blame?
Who do you hurt now? Because you are always bleeding
Don't you ever wonder why the streets look dark and dangerous
And your room is getting smaller everyday, inch by inch its your daily torture, you don't seem to be able to live by yourself
From pervert eyes amazing sights, wipe your tears and light a smile
You are ready to come outside and breathe some life
Feel some flesh, and stop hiding, now you know how to deal with this and stop crying, these are the last tears you wept and now they run down another's face
Shattered by rain, shrouded by thoughts on a runaway train
Seeking shelter from the storm and from the pain
Another empty glass, another line, another friend, yet no sight or track, you can’t find your way back and your flame grows colder
as the night is over
Now you’re lost for following your heart
It guided you so far and you don’t know where you are, cause, baby, now you’re lost
Holding you head up high but the mirror can’t lie, it shows tears in your eyes
Sadness blurs your sight, like ether numbs your mind
If I only knew what you’d get yourself into... I wish I could
Wish I was able to save you
And your flame grows colder as the night is over, open the door to a dream
Ran the playground, found a maze you dared to enter, took a deep breath, we were just friends holding hands
Walk deeper into the green, ignore the colors as they fade
The world grows larger as you shrink, you turn around and no one’s there...
Ashley Rodden Jul 22
***** how i loved you
you were always my go to
now every time i take a sip
i just think of his lips
and how much they always adored you
and it burns my heart just like you burn my throat
***** you stole my love
you stole my sleep
you stole my peace
and my rest
Sick of staring up at the ceiling
How'd you change your mind just like that?
The only way to get past this feeling
Is to tell myself you're not coming back
I don't wanna love you anymore

From the start, I never thought, I'd say this before
But I don't wanna love you anymore

I can't forget, the way it felt, when you walked out the door
So I don't wanna love you anymore
Sometimes I just wanna talk for a minute
But I can't bring myself to call
Because I know that your heart's not really in it
And whatever we had is gone

There's no reason, there's no rhyme
I found myself blindsided by
A feeling that I've never known
I'm dealing with it on my own
Phone is quiet, walls are bare
I drink myself to sleep, who cares?

No one even has to know
I'm dealing with it on my own
I got way too much time to be this hurt
Somebody help, it's getting worse
What do you do with a broken heart?
Once the light fades, everything is dark
Way too much whiskey in my blood
I feel my body giving up
Can I hold on for another night?
What do I do with all this time?

Every thought comes when it gets late
Put me in a fragile state
I wish I wasn't going home
Dealing with it on my own
I'm praying but it's not enough
I'm done, I don't believe in love
Learning how to let it go

I drive circles under street lights
Nothing seems to clear my mind
I can't forget
It's inside my head, so
I drive, chasing passionate nights
Nothing seems to heal my mind
I can't forget, you
What do you do when a memory haunts you...? When feelings won't let you go?
You are the man we both couldn't stand
Can't wash off the dirt from your hands
Can't scrub off the black from your lungs
I can't get the taste off my tongue
I will never go backwards
I will never be free
You will never run faster
Will never be seen
In the wake of disaster
You are the house built upon sand
You are the thought I couldn't plan
The escape to something worse
The shadow driving the hearse
What was it like to feel in love?
Had to sink down just to be with you.
The pits of despair is where you drug me.
Counting days since my love got lost to me
And every breath that I'm taking
Since I left feels like a waste of me
I've been holding onto hope
That you'll come back when you find some peace
Cause every word I've heard spoken
Since I left feels like a hole in me
But I hope I never lose the bruises you left behind
Oh my Lord, I need you by my side
There must be something in the water
Because every day it's getting colder
And if I could only hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
Maybe I'm just being blinded by the brighter side
of what we had because it's over
There must be something in the tide
Because I've been told to get you off my mind
But I hope I never lose the bruises you left behind
Because it's your love I'm lost in
And I'm tired of being so exhausted
Even though I'm nothing to you now
All I have left to remind me of our existence are the bruises you left behind
You ruined me.
Ashley Rodden Apr 20
Wish I would have met you a long time ago
before all the bad things got bestowed
When I still had diamonds in my eyes and your heart was made of gold
Way before our innocence was lost
Back when I was a princess
and you were the dragon slayer I was waiting for
When I still wished upon falling stars
Before we got so many scars
Back when I was still soft and sweet
Before I became just another piece of meat
When I would pluck petals off any flower I saw
just to see if anyone would love me after all
Back when I still daydreamed and wished on falling starts...
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