the replacement was as good as any,
tiny cracks beneath clothing so pretty, hidden beneath frills.
she was enjoyed, and adored, and yet
still she was just that.
the replacement.

so the second the better one has returned to its shelf,
she who served as a backup was once again discarded,
because everybody has favourites, and she was never it.

the backup friend who's no longer needed takes a final bow.
the last choice takes a leap of faith into the arms of death, so tender.

Will you ever love me?
Will you ever come to me, and tell me how long you've waited to see me?
Likely not.
But I will dream.
I will dream of your words.

all i ever pray for
with waning courage,
and a cracking voice,
is for someone to save me.
someone to hold onto me
and not let me go
because i am so
so close
to falling off the edge
and at this point
darkness springs to envelop me
and my happiness is swallowed
and drag me away...
I hope he drags me away
because hurting others is the one thing I'd rather die than do.
please. ******* save me. someone.
im begging.

i had my heart broken
what felt like one too many times
in my short life on earth,
and although i resented those who broke it,
and resented myself more for allowing it all to happen,
over and over and over...
it was worth it
seeing as i have my love,
and he loves so hard,
and so fully,
and i feel it so deep within myself
it makes me cry.

it was all worth it to have you.

Today a man showed me a way to be happy
it was the path of flowers and birds sang,
but my hateful nature will not allow
for me to be swept away by lies...
what a funny man he was,
too bad his preachings fell on deaf ears,
too bad I chose war.

I am from an early morning
where's stars unknown have yet to be seen
in the lightening of the sky,
but I do so hope that you see me
and you look at me and say hello
for I am among stars unknown.

stars taken down from the heavens spun
spun in the darkened corners of my vision
as i told you
and you looked at me,
sick
sick
sickened
by my repulsivity and utter lack of love
for the girl that I had let waste away
in many a dream.
and still i work to frame a perfection i can doubt to have
in this lifetime and more
because if not perfect,
what left will i have to be?

Anger was my passion,
the pen I was given to show it was my voice,
but oh, the times when I used it irresponsibly,
an abuse to the power I was given...
though it could have been used for good despite it's rep,
I used my anger for a stereotype,
I used it to push away.

If i were to disappear, would you look for me?
If i let my wings spread across the sky, would you follow me?
If my wounds were deep, would you tend to them?
Or, perhaps, would you turn away?
Would it be too much to bear, to witness, to lay your eyes upon?
If i were to begin running to the sea, would you run with me?
If i screamed into the nothing as loud as i could, would you scream with me?
If i asked you to love me with all your heart, would you love me?
Or, perhaps, would i not be the girl you were looking for?
Would it be too much to care so deeply, so tenderly, so fully?
Would it break my heart?
Or, perhaps, it would break yours?

Dear White Lies I was told as a child,
though you came from the mouths of people I trusted the most,
still I was betrayed by you.
You came in the form of
“I love you,”
and “you’ll be okay,”
and “I’ll never leave.”
You were sharper than a knife and you twisted at my heart
until finally it bled out onto a paper that would never be read by anyone else but you and I.
I trashed a note that would make more of you enter into my brain
and grow until finally you looked down upon me
as if I were nothing more than a bug
compared to you.

I am the sky, a wide expanse above you.
I am the ocean, I whisk you away and dangers lie within.
I am the iris, I'm hope, and wisdom,
and my courage is waning but it's there.
I am comfort.
I am worth it.
I am blue,
but not the blue you're used to.
I am not sadness. I am not misery. I am not unfriendliness.
I am blue,
but you're not ready for this blue.

Because you shine so brightly
and I will follow you forever
I will likely get sunburn,
but this time I don't mind so much.

early morning
i drink
although all it will do
will tire me
i am bored in this class.

Je suis un vagabond insouciant
I was once a child and got whatever I did want.
Je suis un navire flottant **** de ton monde
You were my sail and to you I grew fond.

Un jour je mourrai. Tu ne pleureras pas pour moi.

You wrap your icy fingers around my petals,
around me,
and you squeeze squeeze squeeze,
until I escape and hide inside,
and warm myself by the fire,
safe in my flowerpot.

a friend you used to know and a girl you used to admire
one in the same clung to memories of time with you
where conversations weren't left dead,
talk for hours, laugh until stomachs pained and eyes teared up,
while now those tears are not joy,
but a deep sorrow that scars brought on,
scars from things too terrible to put into words.
a girl you used to love and a person you used to care for
one in the same drew breath from reserves not her own
on borrowed time, she held tightly to you,
and although it hurt you to be there for her,
there was nothing else you could do but cling to the past
and she hated it
you hated it
your shared comfort in each other under uncomfortable sheets
shaking hands to skin,
tears as you ravaged each other,
just to destroy each other some more.
a person you used to comfort and now only a shadow
one in the same disappeared at some point
and you can't even remember when,
but you let her go,
and she let you go,
it left you both uneasy, but at least now you're both free
from the shackles of using each other
using bodies that barely fit together
souls too big for your selves
hoping it would be enough to rock against each other
using it as a crutch, a means of escape
freedom, you clutch it in closed fist
the uneasy of her unknowns, in an open hand.

Had fire rained from the sky,
and had you asked me to save you from the heat,
I would have thrown you out in an instant.
I would have watched you burn.

I sat on the bench at night,
the street is much more lovely when illuminated by manmade shine,
but the darkness sat beside me.
I stared at the darkness, my new companion.
It stared back.

I miss him most at nighttime,
when I cannot see him,
when he sinks below the ground,
and I cannot see him.

During the daytime,
he shines bright,
and his warm embrace is thrown upon me.
despite his being so far away.

And I feel his love no matter the time of day.

i know im not actually a burden but -
do you hate me? am I annoying? do you want me to shut up?
i know its just my head being mean but -
you deserve better than me, you dont deserve this mess.
i know i can get better but -
i dont deserve help, I'm only going to get worse.
I know I should be medicated but -
i dont have the money, and do I really deserve it?
I know I could just escape the void, but -
it calls my name, it beckons me.
I know maybe people do care, but -
maybe I'll really do it.

i want to be the perfect, slim doll
so that way your agreeable warmth
envelops me so entirely
and so you can lift me
so that the things you do to me in a night full of physicals
look pretty on skin of glass
your shirt hanging off of me
like drapes to the window
and the aftermath of ruthless movements
still shows in the way my slender legs wobble
i want to be the kind of skinny
that look good after i've been ruined so completely.

tiny, she was 8 years old,
and she asked,
"do you hate me?
is the reason youre so cruel to yourself
because you hate me?
am i the reason youre so mean?
is this my fault?"
and i hugged her,
and i cried,
and i said "no.
i could never hate you.
it could never be your fault.
i didnt mean to make you think that it was."

You promise with a tongue of ***** and a brain of fuzz,
that you're not annoyed,
that you are busy...

I understand the business,
but a hate for me burns low,
a hate for me builds up to a roaring inferno,
a hell that escapes you at the worst of times.

Just tell me you don't want me.

Sitting out on the front step with you
Under stars in their last breath of this night
Coffee in hand
3 a.m.
We talk.

the hands on clocks,
they follow me endlessly,
and when i think i have the time to rest,
the hands, they catch up,
and i am on the run again.

but you take my hands into yours and we run,
and now time catching up feels not so scary,
because at least im running from time less alone.
at least im running away with you in dreams.

the hands on clocks,
they follow me endlessly,
and when i think i have the time to rest,
the hands, they catch up,
and i am on the run again.

but you take my hands into yours and we run,
and now time catching up feels not so scary,
because at least im running from time less alone.
at least im running away with you in dreams.

A Monster a day keeps my sleepiness at bay,
I am either sleeping 15 hours or am awake for 4 days,
I hate to sleep because nightmares plague my poor brain,
but if I stay awake too long then my body's in pain,
I'd much rather not have to sleep at all,
but it's human nature.
I am human. Unfortunately.

Last I checked the sink
Hadn't been full of water, overflowing
but now I see
the faucet is running because he left it on.

you left the faucet on,
and like a *** on a stove it boiled and boiled
and it overflowed,
and i hope it ******* scalds you
i hope it burns and burns and burns,

I would much prefer soft, for my petals are weak and fall easily.
I am overlooked.
The stars would shine bright above us.

If you speak gently and stay for a while, I promise I will not wilt.

he says,
with the passion of stars dying,
in their final breaths explode,
that i am his.

he says,
with the love nobody else felt so deeply for me,
in due time surely i'll marry this man,
that i am his.

and i say,
after all my talk of nothing being guaranteed,
with an absolute that i will never make for anyone else,
that i will stay always.

May my heart rest easy,
or shall it weep from yearning?
Will it's tears form puddles in the grass,
and grow flowers out of it's tears of want?

Burning tongue,
I lie.

The wrongs are my rights,
the control I had was my vice.

Maybe through my destruction,
people will learn to respect me,
and maybe I'll learn to care.

Maybe.

They push
ME
they pull
ME
but they belong to
HE
I wish
HE
would stop hurting
ME

I sat under a tree,
it felt like sunshine,
it felt like smiles from him.
I sat under that tree every day in the summer,
come fall it didn't feel the same,
come winter it was cut down,
and come spring I planted a new one.

maybe you just hate me,
giving my love like it's just nothing,
surface level loves making me go crazy,
please just say you hate me.

Too far apart to tell,
one sleeps.
Too soon to tell,
the other beats awake.

Hold me gently
In all the right places
Because I'm almost certain
That your touch would set my insides ablaze.

honestly i lost the joy
that comes from opening presents from a big bearded man
which - now that I think about it -
is creepy.
i grew up and situations became worse
to the point where christmas is full of horrible memories -
three christmases spent homeless,
one spent fearing for my life,
and many of them pretending things weren't as bad as they were.
basically,
i spent this one alone
because that way nothing can hurt me again.

at this rate it seems
almost impossible
to find a place to be, that I can call home,
because it's been so long,
since home was a place,
and it feels like it'll never be a place ever again.
so for now,
my home is you.

You make me feel like the world might be okay.
No matter what ashes burn my eyes,
No matter who does me wrong,
You give me that one thing I never I thought I would have,
in this crumbling world of hate and destruction.

You give me hope.

I am exhausted,
a growing rust
maybe i would turn to dust
the more i write the more i despair
at this point i wont even rhyme anymore
i hope you find the sadness in me
like the light i found in you
im too tired to capitalise anymore
im too tired to punctuate anymore
i bet my english teacher would hate me now

I am the duality of man,
I am a quiet voice and a loud roar.
I am hate and love in one person,
I am sadness, happiness,
I am two in one...

I am split down the middle but sewn together.

I am a smoldering rage.
I am something you cannot hold.
Touching me will only hurt you.
For I am fire.

If there were a way to write I love you
On everything
On every surface and every crack and anything else
I would
I would would would.