I hate you for the first time
Sixteen years and here it is
You ripped a hole in me so deep
First it burned so much
I could barely even stand
Then the burn turned into fury
And I dragged myself to my feet
But when I looked around,
You were absolutely nowhere
The world was completely empty
Of the first real love I’d ever known
And with no reasons
No answers
No nothing
And my rage bubbled inside me
And seared me with pain
In my shoulders, from the burden
In my stomach, from the sickness
In my legs, from the exhaustion
And I have nowhere to put it
And it boiled angrily until it turned black
And now hatred steams from my pores
When I let my guard down enough
To feel anything at all again
Because god, through all of this,
The hole in my chest still sears with pain
Because I can’t understand
And all I can do is hate you
And want to smack you in the face
And grab your shoulders and shake you
Until you finally gather enough respect
For yourself, for me, for our friendship
To tell me what the ****
Is going through your head
And to tell you in return
That I think you’re ******* horrible
For never considering, or never caring
What breaking away like this would do to me
If you ever loved me at all
And don’t you dare pretend that you didn’t
I deserve better than silence
I deserve better than emptiness
No words
No reasons
No answers
No nothing
But I can’t say this to you
Because you’ve completely, absolutely, and finally
Slammed the door so hard in my face
That I can’t wrench it open on my own
And it’s over
And I’m broken and in pain
And you never even looked back
To see if I was okay
So don’t you ever show your face to me again
Or I swear to god, I’ll love you like you never left.
The loss of your best friend is worse than any breakup.