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  Jan 2016 Ami Shae
SøułSurvivør
Does anyone know what happened
to The Victorian Cinderella? ???

She messaged me goodbye!
Cancelled her account.

I messaged her back begging her
to contact me. That was a few hours ago...
NO RESPONSE.

PLEASE PRAY/THINK ABOUT HER!!!
We'd better help each other...
some people here have
NO ONE ELSE TO TALK TO!!!
Same exact date but of different pace
Now reminiscing what happened in that place
That chilly night as we race
Through the situation of life and death.

I still clearly remember
As I was murmuring prayers
Which I poorly and randomly constructed
Even God can't quite understand clearly.

In the midst of the night, we rushed to the hospital
Advised that she must be confined
So my father left me behind
To tend her and to keep an eye.

She told me to take some rest but I disagree
Under her sweet voice I fell asleep unnoticeably
Wishing I never did
'cause that cost me a lifetime of guilt.

Waken up to see her in hysterical
Of the squeezing in her heart that could be fatal
Enough to make me frantic
Trying to think of the essentials.

As I watched her struggling for her breath
I tried to held back the tears that can't help but stream
Not wanting her to see me losing
Hope for her so she'll keep on fighting.

Hoping for a miracle as they recucitate her
I knew  it there but still in denial
And at the crack of the dawn
I lost her...without even saying "Goodbye."

That is one of those times
When you want to gather all those spared hours
And add every single second of it to that very moment
So you could change the course of fate but couldn't.

The feeling of  helplessness
Like a bird without its wings
Can't think of anything
But weep about everything.

Thoughts running in my mind
As unstoppable as the river flow
Tears running down my face
Streaming like the waterfalls.

The pain was unbearable
Especially when you got no one to lean on
Because the one you can always count on
Is the one you're  bleeding for.

It's been three years
But why do I feel devastated after all this time?
Then someone answered me,
" 'cause the memories of the past never go away.
They are with us till the end of our time
."

This may be a memory of the past now
But unlike any other, it will never be forgotten
A past that's always a part of my present
And will always play a big role in my future...

Krystal Marcelo
*01/22/16
I dedicate this poem to my one and only Mom.
I love you and I miss you so much!
Ami Shae Jan 2016
I think I'm starting to wake up now--
the nightmares have finally stopped
and memories of before
come flooding in--
I used to have a good life
(way back when)
before the monster came
and stole me away
from the one who loved me true
I didn't realize then
what all leaving would put us through--
I let lies and deceit
take the place of my love for you
and found out too late that I was being used
to fill his needs to spew out his hate
to be someone that he lived to abuse--
he had such charm in the beginning
making me feel like a queen, a divine love
but then when the slightest thing went wrong
he would hit, push and shove
and tear into me like an animal after his prey
and if I dared to leave afterwards
he'd always find a way
to lure me back in and beguile me again
til finally one day, beaten and bruised
I knew I couldn't let him win--
I ran far far away and started life anew
and I wanted so much to find you again
and beg forgiveness from you--
but when finally I did make that call
to let you know I was now free
you told me that it was too late--
you no longer want me.
So, I sit here now knowing above all
that this life lesson I've learned
is like the world's worst wake up call...
I guess it's time to let the past go and move on. I didn't think my heart could shatter into so many pieces, but it's obliterated. How could I have been so stupid? I let the monster charm me away from the one man who truly loved me. Sad. :(
Ami Shae Jan 2016
Someone once told me a secret.
It was supposed to help to set me free--
but this secret has yet to reveal
what I've been hoping I would see--
All I've gained so far
is the uncanny sense of awareness
that no matter what I say or do
this secret that someone once gave me
will never lead me back to you.
And thus, the realization hits me hard--
Secrets aren't always real or true...
Probably just as well...my baggage is too heavy to transport back and forth. I know somehow I have to let you go. Sorry I let the monster ruin me/us/what we had. :(
Ami Shae Jan 2016
The iciness of his words
couldn't have hurt more
had he taken the icicle from
the overhang of my roof
and stabbed me
clean through to
this heart of mine.

Rigid and unforgiving
his breath spewed from his tongued mouth
forcing me to step back and wince
for so often the stench he breathes
brings harm to my soul
and wrecks havoc on the pieces of me
that once were whole.

'Tis only a memory now--
but still,
late at night
it comes back,
haunting me
taunting my senses
making me feel
as though
I should flee--
but where to go?
who to turn to now?
he's locked away--
but still...
those words, his evil
has a grip on me
somehow...
will i ever see daylight again?
Ami Shae Jan 2016
Need: to feel to love to care to give to take
Want: to feel to love to care to give to take
Have: to feel to love to care to give to take
Gone: no feeling no love no caring no giving no taking
you see, my heart is literally breaking.
Love just plain is not real. It's NOT.
Sad :(
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