today is the day that i lost all respect for you;
the day i realized that i couldn't trust you and that the "you" i knew was never coming back
                                       l.r.

I have been
The cause
Of my own tears
For too long.

Like a bulimic
Forcing the contents
Of their stomach out,
I inflicted pain upon myself;
forcing my emotions out
In tears
That streaked my cheek.

Now,
When emotions come in waves
Like nausea
I hold back the hurls
As the tears rise
To the back of my throat.

I will no longer let
My own thoughts
Be the metaphorical finger
Down my throat.

You weren't my muse.

I wrote love poems to you,
Not about you,

And there's a difference.

I cradled my words alone,
They did not need your touch
To thrive

he chose alcohol and told me to go home
he slammed my body and told me to go home with my broken bones
he threw me out onto the mat and told me to go home
his eyes were bloodshot red and he had saliva dripping from his lips
yet he told me to go home as i begged and pleaded at the door
love was not strong enough when it is faced with a drug
he went to bed with his drug and told me to go home

You're pulling my threads apart,
Been pulling on one real hard,
Unravel my whole left arm,
I knew you would play that card,
You're cooler than ice cream carts,
You're melting the whole **** park,
Carving our names in bark,
You left your name in my heart,
I live on the same old street,
haven't been us in three whole weeks,
I haven't been up your sleeve,
And I don't have any excuses,
And if I can recall, you said in spite of it all,
We'd still be chill in the Fall and, no, it's not your fault,
For binding our hearts so tight, I think that maybe you're right,
We shouldn't have gotten so high, we should've just,
we should adjust.

I starved to look pretty
I purged to feel better
I cut to feel less
I smoked to feel more

Now I have no energy

And now

I just feel nothing.