I fell asleep at 6 a.m. and woke to find
that my bed smells like someone new-
I don't know where you are tonight

His lips kissed me like they were
looking for a light switch in the dark-
I don't know if you think of me at late hours

I pushed him back slightly and he asked
if everything was okay and I said yes-
I don't tell him where my thoughts are

Tired, I'm tired, that's my excuse for
losing myself when I'm with a stranger-
I don't always know how to find my way back

I'm trying, see I am, really but
there's a reason I kept coming to you so easily-
I don't know how to find familiar in someone new

The scent of my attempts to move on is
making me sick and I can't do much about it-
I don't know how to get you here again

I stayed up until 6 a.m. with him when really
you're the only one worth losing sleep over-
I don't know if that means you're winning

I don't know where you are tonight-
I don't know if I want to know

i would write you
a love letter
but i don’t know how
maybe i could start
with something cliché,
like ‘Dear you,’
and then I’d talk about
how your eyes gather sunlight
in the day
and shine golden
at night
but i was never
good with words

or maybe i could make you
a mixtape
and leave it
on your front door
there aren’t enough songs
about tuesday afternoons
and cuddles on the
kitchen floor
to get things
off the ground

so let me write you
a poem instead
a poem that rhymes
and the taste of
your strawberry lip gloss
the sound of
your name
but it wouldn’t make sense
anyway,
some are artists
( not me )
and some people
are art themselves
and my favorite poem
is you

she is a butterfly.
but they have clipped her wings,
and tore her apart limb from limb,
and now she doesn't even realize that she's butterfly anymore.

What is wrong with me
My mind thinks one thing and my body does another
I feel so broken and confuse
Why won't nothing ever go the way I want it to
I have so many great ideas for the future
I wanted to bring to the light parts of the sea that no other human has ever seen
But now as I look at myself in the mirror I second guess everything I do
Am I destined failure?
I know that I'm smart but for the life I can't show the rest of the world
I feel trapped and claustrophobic in my own mind
Bringing my worst nightmares to reality
I failed my own mother!
All I ever wanted to do was make her proud of me
And I promised I would as we faced all life's struggles together
But...
I can't but to think I can't do it
That my true future is life on the street begging for loose change
What if that really is my future
What if I really am a destined failure
I'm sorry...mother

I gazed at thy icy peak,
And something in you finally silenced this freak.
Powerless and stunned, I sat down,
Staring at your majestic white crown.

Something like you, I never saw before,
With your intensity you took me back to my core.
Looking at you I began to wonder,
How are you such a divine expression? And me, just a blunder.

You said to me that I am failing to realize,
What was being said by every man so wise.
That I too am just you, we are no different,
Me too, another divine expression, but with an ego and judgement.

I dropped them and looked at all your snow,
I realized to be one with you was to know.
I began to melt,
Like this, never before had I felt.

We are all here by divine will,
I missed it because unlike you, I was never still.
I was fooled by them people, into thinking I am not enough,
You drilled the truth into me, so beautiful, yet so tough.

I sat there unaware of what was me and what was you,
There was nothing left to know, nothing left to pursue.
In your majesty, I realized mine,
We were both equal expressions of the divine.

Finally you silenced this freak,
And I can never forget thy icy peak.