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Jan 2017 · 766
Honestly.
AFJ Jan 2017
You can sense the sincerity in my breathe when i speak of my tragedies..
i wonder how life would be if i was born living lavishly?..
born with riches, and jewels, a chandelier and marble floor...
curtains, and high ceilings and a kitchen with French decor..

human race;
some of us start off with torn sneakers.
others born with nutritionist, and fitness teachers,
no i'm no preacher..
and no i'm not bashing the privileged..
but why pillage the fallen village, ?
so let me finish.

the human experience.
go to school for 20 years, work for another Thirty.
at best you'll retire at 65 and thats early..
Barely paid your house, finally own your vehicle...
only to enjoy it for a couple years and you see it go??

*** then you get sick, and your dead at Seventy..
who can uncover lifes secrets who has the remedy?
I think its out there somewhere but nobody is telling me..
till then, ill stay humming this silly melody.



-afj.
Nov 2016 · 837
Do the White Thing.
AFJ Nov 2016
"All lives matter!"

...Yelled the Jew before he entered the burner..
Said the slaves, marching with Turner..
murmured, the young Aztec girl ***** by a pervert..
sobbed, the young Taliban, in the shop where they lured her.

All lives matter,

...Wrote, a Japanese man while he attended a camp..
preached a Muslim teacher when they made fun of her stamp..
sang a Haitian boy, starving..it was more of a chant..
funny how you can eat turkey, Native Americans CANT.

All Lives Matter..

said the Muslim grandfather, just catching a plane..
said the young white women, enlisted in the army for change..

I say all lives matter, with pride and have my fist out...
but with no papers..according to Trump ill be kicked out..

my life matters, all lives matter..
but isn't it sad...?
its not the white thing to say...but some lives never have.


-afj
Jun 2015 · 914
pre-poem blues.
AFJ Jun 2015
Inscribed, in my heart..
bible verses, in cursive i know my purpose..
cursed are those who lay curses, and purchase purses that cost more than the life of a person..

But its all Gucci..
New Jordans on my feet, so they might shoot me.
Ironic huh,? after all the shots Michael took...
seen so much misery i might write a book..
Name it: When Life is Shook...

battle depression, my blades sharper than my foe though..
Yet they wonder why i never tend to smile in my photo,
they wonder why i hate social media, and society..
they wonder why im so mysterious, maybe its the Mayan me,
maybe its the eye in me..
i used to think God himself was denying me..
now i know that God never lies, he just lies in me.

not religious though, this isn't my confession to faith..
I've sinned to much to get passed the heavenly gates,
Besides, i saw heaven once, splitting an 8th..
probably the reason why im up still, riddling late..

*** truly my lifes a riddle,
So i write what i live...
So glad at 22 i havent had me a kid..

*** i barely know myself, and i still have to grow up..
how dare i ever preach truth, and be a father that dont show up?

But now im just rambling, i vent so i could sleep..
i know this isnt poetry..but poems take me deep..
in my mind, and my emotional ocean i hate to dive in..
but currently im swimming, ill tell you when i've arrived in..


-afj
Venting as i work on my next "poem".
My favorite one yet so far.
May 2015 · 1.5k
venting part 1.
AFJ May 2015
Venting.
They never see the hollow me..
deleted twitter, but i want you guys to follow me..
Usually up late,
worrying about my luck, wait..
there's a starving child somewhere..
meanwhile i just ate..

******, *** my phone bills high, And my ex girl is taken...
meanwhile a small girl in Nepal still feels her world shakin...

Going 80 on the freeway, i just wanna bowl now..
While the folk down in Philly prayed the train would slow down...

Bothered by the shade of a new building...
while people in Haiti are still building..
still building...
while i buy building blocks for my nephew, hes 1.
while the people down in Baltimore burning buildings for fun...
really?
burning building for fun?
Whys the CVS big, but the school with no funds?
but they say the solution is, taking the guns...
they took the guns in Chicago, but left fatherless sons.

Eyebrows on fleek but societies bleak.
the devil takes a seat in a heavenly street..

now were all cursed, but im watching netflix on my sofa..
Chilling bumping Sosa, living by the park where they ***** my neighbor Rosa..

Gotta remind myself daily...that im blessed to a fault..
because theres stillborn babies, whose heads rest in a vault..

boys in Africa begging for bread, while i toast my *****..
on the beach enjoying summer the waters too cold to swim though..
while in New Orleans they had to jump in regardless..
but all my worry is, if my sister can pass her BAR test..

So next time i wanna vent under my AC vent...
i stop and think, **** i dont even have to pay rent..
I dont gotta work doubleshifts and im never hungry..
plus a got a couple people who really love me..
So..

Next time that i wanna complain..
Ill scale my struggle on a real measure of pain.



-afj
May 2015 · 1.8k
bando.
AFJ May 2015
we was in the bando,
trappin, we were trapped..
cook named Orlando,
moved across the track..

used to be my  neighbor, now hes got the paper,
owns a couple barbershops, got myself a taper,

owns a deli too, couple cleaners down the main street,
not long ago we were sitting in the same seat..

back when,

we was in the bando,
trappin, we were trapped..
kitchen hot too handle,
Found ourselves a rat..

polices, driving by increases...
Orlando had a thesis,
Moved in with his nieces..
He says...

"Theyll never catch me in here,
I live without fear,
only time i cry is with this tattoo tear"

A couple days later, cops broke the door in,
couple windows too, just to let more in,
they found a couple rifles, most of them foreign...
Cuffed Orlando, his niece, and his babymomma Lauryn...

multiple charges of distribution.
couple cases of ******...
money laundering, and weapons, his attorney would murmur...


They say my writing *****, this is no place for this crap..
i dont do poetry, i just write reality rap..
and truthfully, nowadays reality lacks.
So i dedicated this to his daughter Natalie Max.

25 to life..
no chance of parole, bottle....

of hennessy,

just *** he was my role model..

They say how can you defend him, when i yell free Orlando..
*** i still remember when..
we was in the bando...




-afj
May 2015 · 986
Heaven.
AFJ May 2015
like a desert, in the middle of July..
I wonder why..
Your arms stretch out, touching every grain of sand hidden...
keeping warm, even the most cold forbidden...

given a chance to,
be nurtured by the life the desert springs in summer...
an oasis, endless in its love, precious in its wonder..

warmth never felt this warm before,
even as a child under blankets when i feared..
and unlike the blankets, you would never disappear..

heaven is, the feeling of gentle protectiveness,
calmness and power..
ability to devour an hour..
simply spending time describing that one particular flower...

..that bloomed...

Because were not the huggy type, never one to show affection..
momma never kissed us but she gave us her protection..

never said i love you, but we never went hungry..
I got a job at 14 and she never asked for funding...

Quit a career, hopped the border left her favorite shoes behind..
all just so her seeds planted had a chance to see divine..
and even when theres happy times she never says its fine..
still she prays to God, in times of troubles every time...

what does heaven feel like? ......

Heaven is,
that moment once a year when we embrace...
its almost mothers day, i can see it in your face..

Warmth unmatched,
Love endless and pure...
She'll never know, but all the good i do is for her,
and of that im sure, of that im sure..

Momma, I believe in heaven,
heavens my cure.




-afj
You are appreciated.
May 2015 · 996
guardian angel.
AFJ May 2015
Excuse me, bae...
As i explain my vision...
I was drowsy probably drinking but i still recall the mission,
I had traveled in the future, saw you and I were married,
I know that we just met im not getting overcarried..

And lemme tell why its real..in case you dont believe it..
Back then i had a vision of our very first meetin...
And i remember it clear, the only difference was your outfit..
But the setting was the same, blue curtains, black couches..

I tell you,
im being more than honest when i say..
i see a future witchu,
i want more than just a bae..

You ask me how it is i have such visions of what will be...
But bae its such a secret, i just need your heart to feel me..
I know you dont want secrets, i wanna tell you, really...
but if i tell you how i know, you might just have to **** me..
......
You see im from the future..i just travel to the past...
so i can live it all again, and keep hoping this will last..
Truly just to feel your love all over again...
And thats the truth about our story i wont ever pretend...

She said..."but i thought we were together in the future..why is it that you gotta come back just to see me?"...

Bae, we were together in future...
but your contract ended early and God decided you should leave me..

so in the future, your my guardian angel..
Always had the heart of an angel..
so i came back for one last kiss and a thank you.
My Guardian angel♡



-afj
R.I.P
Apr 2015 · 855
The story of the Moon.
AFJ Apr 2015
Perhaps me and the moon are similar..
hollow inside secretly...
scratch the latter line..the powers that be are seeking me..
you manifest light..where darkness should overcome it..
Are you God,? Did you say let there be light? Or did you hum it?..

but i revel in your loneliness, with silence and stillness..
Psychologist say  anti-social but my gift is no illness...

i skip rocks, in the dark blue lake where the moon reflects..
every rock, prophetic, a prophecy doomed and blessed..

and as the rocks sink, so do the illusions of my mind...
that illustrate an infinite hologram of space and time..
And..

i create the ripple as i launch the small boulder...
if i create such a ripple, imagine if i had a shoulder..

I mean in a sense..i create the reality I see...
and thats the secret of the universe..you heard it here from me...

never throw a rock if you dont want it to sink,
never pick the rock up, first.. stop and think..
And everytime you launch one remember the lake takes the blow..
the lake is the universe.. so start skipping slow...

and if you feel lonely, look up at the ever lasting light, Moon...
you will soon realize that God's been staring at you since the womb...

when it shifted back and forth the water in your mothers body in accordance...
to the accordion played by the angels, as heaven whispers with importance..


-afj
Apr 2015 · 768
Sunset Ave.
AFJ Apr 2015
hey there, hey now, just hold on..
the road ain't bumpy if your dancing to the rhythm...
tell me, tell me, tell me how..
you still learned to smile, with the conditions that you live in..

granted, granted pain is foul...
you still made gold with the lemons you were given..
truly God himself is wow-ed...
in fact, I'm surprised you don't even have a ribbon..

Sunset Ave, has lots of sights,
perhaps you chose this corner for a reason..
its getting kind of cold, this night..
just our luck, there goes Cali with the seasons..
..
the cardboard box, a sweater and jeans.
a flashlight, a belt, a bible and dreams.

police said it was wrong..
couple nights out there, made us strong..
Momma said just tonight, tomorrow we'll be gone..
and if you fussed, she sang..
"hey there, hey now, just hold on.."

cold, isn't cold to me no more,
cold isn't cold..
one day we'll settle down, a porch and all..
but for now were on the road....


-afj
Written to be sung.
Apr 2015 · 521
writers block.
AFJ Apr 2015
Positive i possess the prowess to articulate a piece..
but will it bring me piece?
More probable that impossible is possible so it seems..
so my daily writing tends to cease.

I'm no writer, I just vent all my problems on this keyboard..
truthfully most of the times i erase it, because i need more...
Time to heal, mostly these paragraphs bring me sorrow..
While most of the writers i meet cant wait to write tomorrow..

I guess my sentiments differ,
If I'm not stuck at home venting, im a bartender tipper,
Far from pretender my reality came quicker,
So now i'm stuck with this liquor,

life is precious though, my mother told me that one cloudy morning..
and that was back when i was younger, hunger thoughts were barely forming.

So eventually,
These so called poems might be of service..
maybe one day i'll be better off and reminded of my curses..

And..
the people on the block of that writer will mumble..
And they'll call me humble,
They'll call me humble..
They'll know that standing is a choice, what's a tumble?

I'm positive i possess the prowess to write a piece,
And truthfully I hope in doing so I'm bringing peace.



-afj
Mar 2015 · 991
amy's theory.
AFJ Mar 2015
Goodbyes are never good.
And hellos are never hell...
Well..
Howcome its always hard to tell?

When i met Amy..
she waved, like the ocean in the horizon view.
i mean, picture a Goddess herself, locking her eyes on you,
hypnotizing you,
Telling you all infinity lies in you,
Her heart hides in you,
Her vocal tone rises you...
Like the tide..

under the horizon view..

but her theory was dark. Like the side of the moon we don't see..
Weird, *** most of the time she was joyous and joke-sy.

But she had a mental intent.
to rent, an individuals mind until her emotion was spent.

Pitched up her tent,
Now she lives in my head.
i cant get rid of her, feeling blue when shes wearing red.
i cant get ahead..

i need her,
I bleed her.
i read her.
i see her.
She runs thru my mind mind so much,
even my feet hurt.

but shes evil.
Reveling in my chaos and depression.
her sole mission is to leave me well wishin..
fishing for hope, with nothing in my view.
except the horizon.
i cant forget her eyes'n....
the way she caressed my hand in the midst of my anger.
but its sad to say her theory just brings me danger..

she says she cant be happy if im happy.

i cant believe she can say that,
I mean,
sure shes a Ten..
sure shes a friend..
sure when i ask her to come over she always says, when..
i mean i dont ever wanna put her down...
Amy's my PEN.
the pen that stood beside me when i wrote my lifestory.
the pen that stays truthful even if it gets gory.
the pen that keeps me sane and even takes over for me,
The pen that allows me the hope to reach glory..and see..
the same pen that forces me write daily im trapped,
Confined in this desk, Hennessy spilled on my lap,
lost in life, blank map im tryna fill in the gap,
Last thing i needs a fucken object that keeps giving me crap!

Still ill love her forever, and never ever leave, thatll never occur...
my pen, i named her amy and sometimes i feel that i write for her.



-afj
Mar 2015 · 821
my everything♡
AFJ Mar 2015
you are my ocean. my personal sea..
cant figure out if its the way that you look at me..
you are my sunset, because vision is free..
I thank the heavens up above for the things that i see..

you are my sunrise.. every morning you creep,
Through my curtains, now im certain that your taking a peek,
You are my moonlight..i dont take you in vain,
Without your guiding light my crazyass would up insane..

you are everything, everything, everything
but mine..
singing songs about you, i cant sing, and so they rhyme..

Everything but mine..
i drew a map to infinity &i; hoped that I would find,
I said i hoped that i would find..
..a way to make you realize that im better than this line..

is that really a crime?
I need more than 7 seconds, im not really good at vine.
and believe me if i love you im not really good at  lying..
your an angel, you were brought here by the heavens youll be fine...

Everything, but mine.

i found the worlds best treasure, and i didn't have to mine.
but i searched and i searched, i did..everything, but mine......*




-afj
Mar 2015 · 2.4k
PTSD.
AFJ Mar 2015
humble wills, with violent tasks.
forgotten souls with guns & masks..
noisy threats, awake at dawn,
how long will this commotion last?

No one cares,
that the cemeteries are running low on space.
the mothers bid their sons farewell upon leaving the gates.
worried, & scared to death i can see it in their face..
We shouldn't have to **** each other to win the human race...

the so called "leaders" dont care that the youngins are at war..
if only they knew the humility that was once in their core.
never setting foot in the battlefield unless its safe to explore..
Politicians never get to see the carnage and gore..

new jim crow.
minimum wage might grow..
but so will the price on the head of a foe.

So the young soldier puts his gat by the pencil box in his pouch..
he knows if he ever needs another magnum that its under the couch...

& as long as his colors stay Piru, he'll forever be blessed...
But no one seems to talk about the post traumatic stress.
.................
Cursed to not follow this order..
it ends up as a disorder..
Revenge turns to a diss, order.
till a bodies rotting in the sewers & you cant stand this odor.

(Tonys song.)



-afj
RIP TONY
Mar 2015 · 738
Spring.
AFJ Mar 2015
rainy showers,
pour down, on the poor.
the Sun, hasn't completed his chore..

giving more death than life, not enough blossoming..
flowers all wilted, tilted, but possibly...

the outcome of this garden is a metaphor for hope..
and that word alone can settle down the folk...

giving them potential, the potential to be born.
changing up their mental, a transition to a form..
till the realization hits, they can get through any storm...

rainbows exist.
hidden in the mist.
and every time, they appear the devil shall be ******.
...

therefore, one can say the devils gonna have a bad year, when he realizes the beauty this time period brings...
so, watch out for disharmony but know the bird that sings,
float like a butterfly, but know the bee that stings..
i assure you, this right here, will be the best of many springs...
So;
..until we meet again, in the land of Queens & Kings.



-afj.
Jan 2015 · 1.2k
Me, You & the Universe.
AFJ Jan 2015
forever expanding.
the stardust, grows like our sentiments..

alone in the middle of the sea of dark matter,
so intimate..

two galaxies.. colliding.
who would ever think the bang would create such wondrous views.?

they always say death comes in 3's...perhaps that means life and its meaning comes in 2's..

see I met her...
& she was my shining Sun..
late night talks about, what we'd name our future son..
before God created this, they say a word was sung.
so I stay singing..

I'm on my Jamie Foxx..blame it on the liquor..
perhaps a sip of this and we might fall a little quicker.
she says shes awfully cautious, thinking I might trick her..
I say, girl, I'm not just here because your prettier and thicker...

I'm here because the universe conspired a marvelous plan,
to allow our paths to cross..
ingenious, how coincidence in actuality is destiny, so at night I turn and toss...

what is to come,?
what will the heavens deliver next...?

me, you and the universe, & my trinity's blessed




-afj.
Jan 2015 · 1.1k
Ms. Adeline
AFJ Jan 2015
She's such a visionary,
she pictures art where peasants revel...
had a near death experience, said she even saw hell...
She sees potential in me, despite the times that i fell..
she convinced me to keep throwing pennies in wells..
not because she believes in myths and superstitions...
but because she sees homeless people dig in after all the wishin..
So on a good day, i throw in a few quarters, she sees i care.
But im no hero i just want Ms. Adeline to be aware..

Everything she sees, and envisions she blesses. & Everyone agrees...
So i tell her.
Never take your lovely eyes off the world, please.

She promised me she wouldn't, ever since she saw God.


What makes her see goodness?, what makes her so kind?.....
if only the world knew, Ms. Adeline was born blind.




-afj
Jan 2015 · 555
freedom, freedom.
AFJ Jan 2015
Purchased a new chain,
Just so i could feel liberated, but gold..

Isn't exactly accepted by this God fellow, or so I'm told..

so what is the cost of freedom?

I ask the sages of the block if they would be so kind...
they tell me freedom has no price tag, *** its a state of mind.

& i knew **** well these people of wisdom weren't lyin..
these same folks invented get rich or die tryin..

...& though most of them passed away, the message was heard.
& money cant buy happiness but just believe in the word.

Never settle for less.
don't obsess over chains...
Most have gardens to tend, all we grew was our pains...
& before Ferguson i knew an Officer James..
who shot an unarmed man, leaving permanent stains..

I wanna be.

free from woes.
free from foes.
free from grief.
free from beef.
free to give my momma peace.

free from lust.
free to trust.
free to speak my mind & cuss.

free to dream without boundaries or fear.....
i purchased a new chain yesterday..
Next to the pier.
&
As i stared into the distance, the sunset seemed to speak.
it said freedom, is also based on the memories you keep.

So i'll always remember that gold chain, cost me a little less than a grand.
but the purchase was worth it, *** i realized freedom & who i am.



-afj
Jan 2015 · 587
50 Shades of Grey.
AFJ Jan 2015
she says she's excited,
more excited than when she read..

i'm still tryna make a prequel, but the script is in my head,

like,
her beauty was that of natures, sacred & amorous..
such a fine, divine, kind.. couldn't be captured by a camera lens..
&my; sole dream was to lay on that land of bliss..
till her hands grip the sheets &she; pounds them like hammer fists.

her taste.
like a heaven-sent, angel scent wine..
laced,
with a hint of forbidden nectar from the fruit of divine..

&sav;; some for dessert may have been the past deal..
but in this prequel, im digging in like its my last meal,

&her; pronunciation of vowels, is elite..
in fact, she invents a new sound whenever i go deep.

deeper than the ocean, our emotions have no depth.
&like; the sea the aftermath made it seem like we had wept*.




-afj
Jan 2015 · 595
story behind the curse.
AFJ Jan 2015
biggest soul, yet soulless. trapped, & tortured.
no fortune teller can tell of my misfortunes.

no crystal ball, can anticipate my fall.
no known living sage, can fully explain my rage.

cursed..
by the universe to carry all its burdens,
the real problem of a writer, is simply his observance..

empathetic, to a fault. insightful,& bad verbally..
since every word jotted holds permanence, & eternity..

an obsessed pamphleteer,
philosophical, & weird.
and no that lone poet, hadn't ever shed a tear,
but routine, nightmares would persevere.
what a year,
truthfully most of it, i was hardly here,
Momma said come back, but it was hard to hear.

only those, who share my emotional connect,
understand, the universe& all of its intent.

whats the story behind the curse,?
an innate gift, given to a few chosen upon birth.

willing to beautifully articulate, a disharmony..
∈ the same breathe smile at the woes.
too many, muffled screams of tortured, soulless writers..
who have the biggest souls..




-afj
"The true alchemists do not change lead into gold,
they change the world into words"  
-William H. Gass
Dec 2014 · 749
Dear Santa.
AFJ Dec 2014
listen nick,

you've been at it for such a long time i often wonder,
do you ever need a break?..
Such a long endeavor, are you even sure its safe, this journey you undertake?..

I mean, no days off, and who knows if the sleigh is fixed,
Because i remember it broke one year back  in'96,

And what about Rudolph? that nose of his wont shine forever in that fog..
& your always stuck in that **** office of yours, didn't the doctor advise you, you should jog?.

Besides, lets be honest..
you kind of sold out. The corporations probably own your igloo and your factory..
&all; that **** gas you yearly require, is probably just another added tax to me...

Its been noted, your intent started off kind,

But the poor, get no gifts while your sponsors drink wine..

The message was shifted,
by a rich greedy ******* thinking hes gifted..
Who's children you deliver presents too, & the wife turns out forgettable because of a mistress..
That's the message of Christmas?
Shoppers speeding past skidrow to purchase a wishlist?

Probably label me Grinch,&
Change my pigment to green.

Post it on Instagram, & have all the teens make a meme.

Well Nick, maybe it isn't your fault.
maybe your trapped in the system like the rest of us are.

pardon me, i just know what these holidays do.
perhaps Santa's waiting on the 1st and the 15th too.






-afj
Dec 2014 · 1.6k
behind those hazel eyes.
AFJ Dec 2014
born poverty stricken, 
she lay her head on no mattress..
still she sung along to mary j. blige, like religious practice..

Stronger with each tear was the motto,
&so; she shed..
Because its hard to have dreams when you don't have a bed..

Its hard to have food for thought when you cant afford bread.
& the local Goodwill is dead..

Her speech was absurdly intact, & well spoken.
you would assume a girl trapped like that, wouldn't be open,
Yet.
Just 14, she showed potential of a graduate, beyond bachelors.
&& in our city record deals are the only time we owned Masters.

beneath those hazel eyes. there lies an old soul,
told, 
by her surroundings her future was a pole. 
bold, 
in her approach, how she stripped away the cold.
now dances in the daisies, dodging Hades, never sold.

&this; is no figment of imagination,
how her eyes hazel pigment, 
had the power to judge a nation.

Because she woke up daily, prepared as **** for that math test..
Though she was born poverty stricken, lay her head on no mattress..




-afj
Dec 2014 · 696
I Hear You.
AFJ Dec 2014
This isn't love, This isn't hate.
This is that sorta thing hard to relate.
This isn't luck, this isn't fate,
This is that sorta thing hard to escape.

This is the truth, this is a lie,
This is my reason for getting on by,
This is a low, this is a high,
This is the reason I ask myself, why?.

This is a story that shouldn't be wrote.
This is a saying that you shouldn't quote.
This is a struggle that I've never spoke,
This is the reason I'm rowing the boat.

Why am I rowing the boat?

Refusing to sink,
3 a.m and i think,
By 5 a.m &I; might be crouched over a sink,

What of this life,
So called living,
so called, i haven't felt full since thanksgiving.

So called, so called...
God did his roll call,

And for a second I hesitated.
And whispered, Here... You?
The reply i got was..

I Hear You.



-afj
Dec 2014 · 1.3k
drunk texts.
AFJ Dec 2014
When your ex,
Texts you on some..
"Babyyyy where you been?
I miss you and i need you, always feel you like the wind"....

**** you left me though?..
Why'd you even save my phone?..
I thought we went our separate ways i thought that we were grown?..

That's when she calls me up, && i smell it in her tone..
If only she knew, Alcohols a quick escape and not a home..

Shes like..
"Naaaa nah bruh,
ive only dranken just a lil.....
But in honesty,
like really we should go on dr.phil.."

Proceeds, on some..

"i need a ride, whats for dinner, why dont we go visit moms"
playing the Weeknd, on a weekend, its The Same Old Song.

i always pick her up, and drop her off at Katie's..
******, like **** you know **** well she can get this crazy!
Now Katie's mad like, "****, you be her roommate then!"
I'm like, that was the plan but that **** caved in..

Well, this will probably happen again next week, & the week after.
what a long, sad and repetitive chapter..
i mean to most drunk texting is a matter of laughter,
but it leads me to drunk text her back & attack her...

On some,
"Babeeee where you been...
I miss you and a need you, & i feel you like the wind.."

Shes like..we talked about this before..you never hit me up when your sober.

I'm like,
"nor do you, so so so when you coming over?"

She hangs up. .
Happens twice a month.
im sober when shes drunk..
& when shes sober im a chump.

relationship? Or relation-****?
Either way,
Far from a REALationship.

But i guess you can say, at least we speak it could be worse...
by the way, later today its my turn to text her first..




-afj
Dec 2014 · 909
When I Met The Devil
AFJ Dec 2014
it was a tuesday afternoon, in the middle of june,
this barternder and blue moon will surely be my demise..
Its become a routine, every week im a fiend but suddenly to my surprise...

A woman walked in standing at 5'4, seeemingly hungover and beat.
Eyeliner & lipstick fading..lookin as if she couldnt find sleeep,
her hair has half *****, half curly and partly braided.
she sat on the stool next to me partly *** what i stated...
I said "welcome! take a seat, this is the sober section, besides. all the good seats are taken".
She smiled, more like a smirk, then proceeded to sit, at first oddly looking a bit shaken..

i noticed she was young, pobably barely 21, and she had a tattoo on her back, as she reached for her purse...
Clearly i didnt kno her origin, but an idea i was formin, especially when her art read, 'beauty is a curse'...
Clearly she was gorgeous. Green eyes with a brown complexion..
I asked her in awe which town she was sent from?..

She said she was from the bay..
grew up in her mommas house but now shes living with her bae,
I said oh word, whos the lucky man who gets to keep you???.
She said God......
*** she doesnt need to mess with people.

what brings her here,?
in this bar by the pier,
where theres something in the beer, making normal people fear.

She said she came to spread the word of God....
immediately i figure shes a fraud.

Hows a 'martini, piercing on her lip, tattooed from her back to her hip,
looking like she wont tip....'
typa girl claiming to be holy?

She smiled, more like smirk, and whispered,........
you dont even know me.

And proceeded to say she came in this bar because there was a presence of a demon in disguise..

I laughed are u sure it isn't just u?
She held up a mirror. I saw a demon in my eyes.





-afj
Nov 2014 · 1.1k
cracks on the concrete.
AFJ Nov 2014
How scenic,
the view of the city from this rooftop.

But I've seen it all before.
I'm really looking for a new spot.

I've done it all yet i still need time,
Kind of like a new clock,

i even met the devil once,
Had Jimmy Choos and a blue top..

but just when i want to leave,
i remember why i stay.

I remember all the cracks on the concrete
i see by day.

And every crack has the potential to grow a stem.
Kind of like every person has the potential to grab a pen.

And the most inspiring of moments is when a rose blossoms.
the thorns might be thick, and the scent might be off some..
the petals might be thin, but its still looking awesome.

Do you follow my story?
Can you grasp my allegory?
Can you understand why I revel in this garden i see before me?.

You may just see cracks,
a street needing a fix...
But I'm in total bliss speaking life into exist-...ence
hence,
The reason my view will never get old..
long live the rose that grew, regardless of what it was told..


-afj.
Nov 2014 · 623
Define It. (Love)
AFJ Nov 2014
Same old poem, same old theme.
A love lost, heart broken, with dreams..
I said I love you. she said. define it.
she thought id fear her question, but really..I didn't mind it....

eloquence, heaven sent, from Aphrodite herself.
the allure of the angels, where afterhours are felt.

late night dreaming of the Goddess in you,
And my tongue isn't speaking from a partisan view.

the honor of honesty, your naked soul is what caught me.
scared to death of steep hills and this one was rocky.

but your blessings brought me courage, & your beauty is hope.
we live less than a park away, but your still thinking Knope.
ya we talk.. recreationally....
with all that love you posses, just a ration to me?
I know that rings cost money, but patience is free,
so let me tell you why I love you, then she turned to face me..

and I couldn't speak.
Inside, I could weep..
but how do I tell her she's the reason that for years I don't sleep..
a dreamer, turned dreamless...
the worst of diseases,
because others take your body..
but without your soul you need Jesus.

I told her every time I blink, I think.
and when I think,
I pray your blinking too.

weird way to describe it..
ya but I **** at speeches...
so she made me write it.

I wrote I love you, on a paper,
p.s once unfolded this statement will always be true.

with a rose in the middle, and a personal riddle,

a picture of the first time we met, and a drawing of a heart..
she said ...that's the best you got?

I said no, that's my worst, but if you don't love me as I'm cursed,
then you don't deserve the saying.
if you understand what I'm saying?

she said no....
Well, i **** at speeches.
I'm not good at writing too,
nor am I good at defining the word love from out the blue.

but I can tell you, I'll never cheat,
never flirt or take a peek,
ill delete,
every girl from my phone in just a week,
never one for deceit,
always pull back your seat,
on lonely days without contact I promise to go deep,
to understand your soul and the secrets you keep,
the blessings and curses and the reasons you weep,
hold you closer to the universe, caressing your cheek.
and if that's not enough ill even cook you some meat.

more importantly though,
I will forever grow,
and our hearts can mend together and resemble a glow.

she said.. but you can do all those things to any girl you meet..
I said but ill only do it for you...
she said why...?
I said, *** I love you...
she said Define it.




-afj
Nov 2014 · 1.4k
Winter.
AFJ Nov 2014
It's been so long, too long..
if only this breeze would prolong its stay...

thoughts like, man a year ago the weather during this time,
was colder than today..

65 degrees. a New Yorker may laugh...
but a Cali kid is out here freezing his ***.
bonfire in the backyard watching the time pass,
the fire flickering, whispering the secrets of the past.

you should listen.

maybe you too will fall in love with the wind.
fall in love with giving thanks and hugging your kin.
fall in love with gifts, Santa, candles and grins,
finally make a resolution to put behind all your sins.

60 degrees. it gets colder as the night progresses..
you capture the essence, of the night..
and realize its adolescence.
it hasn't yet began to even grasp adult lessons..

55 degrees, feeling weak in the knees,
its been a week, since the tree outside had any leaves.
no fireplace, no heater just a ******* and cheese,
and take your *** to bed early before you get the real breeze.

50 degrees, I'm freezing to death,
more depressed now knowing that my babygirl left,

so I'm here all alone.
me, chardonnay and a cup.
fog surrounding, branches howling waiting till winter is up.




-afj
Oct 2014 · 1.1k
If Only She Knew.
AFJ Oct 2014
You made me believe in past-lives..
because there's no way in heaven our connections this new...

The passion & the chemistry, &the; synchronicity of journeys, simply couldn't have been born out of the blue...


On such short notice you alleviated my grievances, believing in my flaws and accepting my thought patterns. .  .

I told her baby. I know you don't like rings. But if I had the power to give you the world,..i'd give you the whole, Saturn.


She said, "Silly, i don't want a world.. that isn't enough. I just a want a world with you in it, even if it comes with storms."

But the minutes turn to hours, the hours turn to minutes. Laws of physics say something started must finish, or transform."


Like the river, on a clear night when the moon tickles the surface, looking beautiful till somebody decides to skip rocks..

The universe itself on the tip of my lower lip was the exact sensation i felt when our lips locked..

Perhaps we were married in our past life.
Maybe we'll have children in the next one.
but in this time and space presently?...

She decided to call it quits,
Broken heart. But; I can never hate someone who makes me feel heavenly.

So, I'll await lifetimes...
For the day she comes back, and if she never returns I will never complain..

Because she was heaven sent, an angel, a blessing. I'm honored to have even known her by name.

Though she quit on us..
i must say if only she knew.

The realest words ill ever speak are,
I love you, too.



-afj.
AFJ Oct 2014
Suffering from keeping feelings bottled up inside.
Suffering from pride.
Suffering from drinking bottles and using them as guides.
Suffering from lies.

Suffering from failure, I've used one too many tries..
Suffering from cries.

A nomad in disguise..

Walking along the common folk hoping the tears dry.
On the edge of a steep cliff ..just hoping my fears fly..

hoping they spread wings, and glide over the plains..
pass thru all the Midwest and land somewhere in Maine..
Like....
Why doesn't my destiny manifest?.
I'm done living as an observer and analyst..

I often wondered why the dreams of mine seemed far..
Finally learning memories are more important than dreams are..

& thats word to the wise,
Though the wise will dispute my claim..
But you see, dreams come and go some never are seen again...

Yet memories, are stored, in the storage room of your mind,
Where you can see, your feelings played out though the brain is blind,
where you can nurture, and torture your own self at will,
where you know exactly where your skeletons are hidden and still....

Would you rather lose memories or dreams?
Perhaps i suffer from this dilemma, or so it seems...



Why not keep both? Asked Alexis one day...

A month later, the Fates music decided to play..
...
without warning, her life& dreams taken away..
now all i got is memories,
memories to suffer and pray.


-afj
Oct 2014 · 818
Hell-bound.
AFJ Oct 2014
Bound.
For hell,
Oh life is swell,
ain't it?
piece of art, tainted.
Convos with Satan,
Can you feel the cadence?.

Can you smell the melody?
Can you touch the tunes?
Can you taste the frequency, grab you some silver spoons.
Grab you a piece of advice, from the man on the moon.
Falling under the depths, ill have to handle it soon,.

Convos with Lucifer,
Lord of the Flies..
How'd he get my number?
probably family ties..
probably hearing the cries,
probably feeling surprised,
The light within me, forever will shine.

But for tonight,
i converse with The Anti-Christ..
Actually giving me some mad advice.

he said,
"I advise you, don't you ever find bliss..
If one day you do, you'll forever be ******.
Instead, stay in this chaos and revel,
Truthfully your bliss might become your hell."

How can you ask for sunshine if its always sunny?
How can you laugh at something if its always funny?
.......
suddenly i realized the ******* was right.
Only if hell bound, do you realize that heavens in sight.


-afj
Oct 2014 · 13.4k
Melanin Societies.
AFJ Oct 2014
Most schools have projects, in science classes and such.
Most of us, mastered the science of surviving in projects.

It's those at the bottom who need the most help, but cant even get proper school supplies.. where's the logic ?.

But oh, the rags to riches story is prevalent isn't it? Nope, the only rich I know is Professor Richard.

And that's not even something worth mentioning, he does more lessening than lessons lets paint the picture..

But these young kids don't understand, they try to curse them, place them in prisons, its a trap from birth..

Give them these Rick Rosses as role models, knowing they don't have fathers, instead of Tupac Shakur, showing them worth..

My bestfriend Tony once questioned his dark skin, just like i once questioned my brown.

how profound, a couple 4th graders at the time, having to prove that they were "down".

Crazy how Tony proved he was down, now i visit his site yearly on November the third.

And things aren't getting better, but nobody gives a ****, haven't you heard..

The prayers our mothers chant, ritually every night.

Praying to the Sun gods, perhaps one day we'll all unite.


-afj
Oct 2014 · 849
4:30 AM
AFJ Oct 2014
I cant sleep,
I'm afraid that I might dream..

For most,
dreaming's common, some even have themes,
Some even foresee the future, some even have schemes,
Some have a plot and ******, even opening scenes,
Some even might get frisky, have you opening jeans..

but my dreams differ.
my dreams, are dreams, of the Tigris river.
my dreams, are visions of an old poor giver.
Old, forgiver.
walking along the side of the Euphrates with Hades,
go figure.

my dreams differ.
at times i hear the angels in the heavens as they bicker.
At times i see the time of my own death on a ticker.
click click....

I always try to slow it down. Its become a regular thing..
But the Fates are constantly pulling my string.
using it as a guitar, Such a harmonious scene.
Especially for a man, not destined to dream.

My mind wonders, but more so it wanders,
Its plausible that lack of sleep will be my demise...
But till that day comes, i'll continue to daydream, because my only nightmare is closing my eyes...

-afj
Sep 2014 · 608
Natalya.
AFJ Sep 2014
She never met her father,
And barely knew her mom..
Double shifts and nights out made it seem like she was gone..
So Natalya became Mom&Dad; at sixteen.
This is the story of a child and a mother turned a fiend.

I met her, whilst I was out skipping rocks.
But we don't have a creek, it was the sewers by the park.

I was younger then, naive & a bit cowardly..
But the sense that this girl needed somebody just clouded me,

So i asked her why she came around these parts when it was midnight,
where danger tends to lurk....
She thought about it for a second. Then looked up at me confused yet gave out a little smirk.....

All she said was You. You.?

She said she saw me last week, I probably didn't recall.
She was begging for some change by a bus stop in the mall.

I remembered...

But this time she looked awfully pale, hadn't eaten for weeks,
At least I could treat her out for a feast.

or so I thought...

She suddenly asked me if I could spare some change..
On some she needed to get home before it started to rain.
I said Natalya its 1 am, there's no buses or trains?
But i certainly don't mind walking you to the apartments by Main.

she said she had moved, and i'd be frightened if she took me.
I told her, trust me I had been to hoods that hadn't shook me,

Then she asked me if I had been to a cemetery before?
Looked down towards her feet and they weren't touching the floor.



-afj
Sep 2014 · 736
We Are Gods.
AFJ Sep 2014
Raised by angels
with torn wings and tilted halos..
But we walk the heavens head high, your only fallen if you say so..
Life as an observer of reality like Plato..
& like Aristotle..
i tend to pass the bottle..
as if the bottle has a message..
But the message is blank, 
So who do i thank? 

Hey, Miss Bartender I've learned nothing in my stay, 
She said come back tomorrow and perhaps your thoughts will sway, 
So now i'm a regular, Tuesday mornings and Wednesday nights.
Happy hour is when I'm most sad, but the pricing is tight.

Feeling like an old soul and I barely can drink. 
Just last year I was dumping alcohol in my sink.
get rid of the evidence, but some truths cant be hidden. 
A wise women once told me some information thats chillin... 
Brought chills to me, she said.

"Remember we were made in the image of Gods. So may your dreams be nothing short of divinity."
&Ever; since that bartenders words were spoken, I knew nothing on this planet or the next could limit me.


-afj
Sep 2014 · 500
Paris.
AFJ Sep 2014
Her name was Paris, *** she never had been.
Tattooed wings of an angel, like she never had sinned.
Up and down the pole, the place reeks of Aspen and gin.
But she cant help her love of dollars, so shes keeping the grin.

Her and I, are more similar than different.

she undresses on the stage,
I undress with my soul.
she moves her body to the music,
I move the pen with the flow.

We both ain't getting rich of it ,
But the stage is like a rhythm its hard to stay off...


-afj
Sep 2014 · 660
The Life of a Scribe.
AFJ Sep 2014
I told her if she stayed I wouldn't write another word.
Id take every notepad hiding in my closet and watch it burn.
She looked at me bewildered.."Now wouldn't that be absurd?,"

So I explained..
How every phrase i jot down is rooted in pain..

Stemming from grief..
Lack of belief..
Lack of understanding love outside of the sheets.
Reminiscing of a time when the piece would bring peace.

When all I ever longed for was a piece of mind.
but longing doesn't exist in a land before time.

and that is where every single one of my lost pages resides in...
a land lost, never to be seen again yet glowing in a pile of debris like diamonds...

So you see if you stay.,

The demons that keep me up at night would all disappear.
In consequence I wouldn't write my memories in fear..
that perhaps one day ill lose my mind along a pier.

Don't ask me if she stayed.


-afj
Sep 2014 · 525
Autumn pt.2
AFJ Sep 2014
Autumn please fall.

Missing you since last winter.

When you wiped every memory i had, like a snow blanket.
At times i cursed the arrival, but now i thank it.
Why?
Well, seasons exist because of change...
They exist because the clear skies reward the heavens fame...
They exist because of tear ducts in the clouds producing rain...
they simply exist because of pain.

You remember that one fall afternoon.
When you stayed up till 3am staring at the moon.
& the man on the moon looked back in disbelief.
"How is this young man amused at the site of fallen trees....?"

Well the fallen trees have more tales than those standing..
the fallen trees can tell you of the heavens and hell.
The fallen trees, despite falling survived the harsh landing..
So don't you ask me why I treat the average human so well.

-afj
Sep 2014 · 753
Autumn.
AFJ Sep 2014
Autumn, dont fall,
You've been holding on since spring.
Why when you change colors do the birds cease to sing.?
Why when you change colors does the breeze tend to sting.?
& knowingly, its gray days and dark nights that you bring..

Why does the fall exist?
Reminding us of bliss?

How the leaves turn to rainbows, and women cover their hips,
Leaving us with that mystery,
That, i wanna learn your history,
That, i wanna dissect your pain and microscope your misery,

just to see you clearly,

Autumn was her name.
but we fell apart, fell like a sandcastle in the rain..
but that sandbox taught me about life in a sense..
every fallen leaf is a loss of innocence.

So i spend my days raking,
& my labor comes with pride,

But by the time I'm done, the leaves turn green, the fall is in my mind.

-AFJ

— The End —