Patience

Sometimes you have to wait
For beautiful things to come to you..
And when they do, it's not always the right time.
Sometimes you have to wait
For things to straighten out, for it to
Make more sense, for everything to fall in place.
Sometimes you have to wait
To find yourself, to find your smile.
To find the person you belong with and start over.
Sometimes you have to wait
For happiness to find you, and to
Finally feel worthy  in your own skin.
Sometimes you have to wait..
Patience.

Have you ever sat there,
and realized you aren't real? I have.
I think about it a lot actually.
I smile all the time, but I don't want to.
I would rather lock myself in my
bedroom and sleep.

Have you ever had a dream,
and realized that dream was better than your reality?
I have.. I do that a lot actually.
I dream about going places I've never been,
and meeting new people.
Though I can never truly get away.

Have you ever looked at passing faces,
and wondered who they are as a person? I have.
I watch people everyday and wonder
if they are happy, sad, what they're hiding..
I pick them apart and try to put
them back together, to truly understand.

Have you ever wondered, which
friends of yours actually know who you really are? I have.
I don't think any of mine truly understand
who I am as a person, or how it
would be to go through, what I have.
I truly think they wouldn't care to even ask.

Have you ever broken down,
and told someone your life story for them to just shrug it off?
I have. I've told select people every detail of
my life, and it seems like it doesn't phase them at all.
Like they're just reading another fictional
novel, but they're not.

Have you ever excluded yourself,
from all fun with friends, to where you're not invited anymore?
I have. I lost most of my friends because
I was too depressed to leave my room, and none
of them knew why because I kept it to myself for so long,
so they gave up on me.

Have you ever lied to the people who love you,
just so they don't worry about you? I have.
I am the only person in my life who truly knows the
pain I've put myself through, physically and emotionally.
In many ways I have tortured myself by doing so
and completely destroyed myself.

Have you ever thought back about your past,
and wished you could go back? I have.
I wish I could erase a few things, and restart others.
I think that'd make me a better individual and
I could have a new shot at being happy,
but I can't.

Have you ever wanted to disappear for a day,
just to see if anyone would notice your absence? I have.
Every day I think about driving until I
end up where I truly want to be, and I don't
think anyone here would notice,
maybe someday.

Have you ever written,
just to get things off of your chest? I have.
I write every day thinking it'll truly help me,
and it has. I write about everything on my mind,
not for praise or acceptance, but to put myself at ease.
Just to get the weight off of my shoulders.

He was there with you through childhood,
middle school and dances.
He was there with you through highschool,
academics and football stances.

He was there with you for graduation,
such a proud day for you both.
He was there with you for everything,
to witness eachother's growth.

Just because he passed away, doesn't mean he's gone.

He was there with you at the funeral,
although he was asleep.
He was there with you at the golfing trip,
but quiet he was to keep.

He was there with you for the turkey bowl,
he would never miss that day.
He was there with you and all of your friends,
he couldn't keep away.

He was there with you when you proposed,
what a terrible thing to miss.
He was there with you when you got on one knee,
and also for the kiss.

He is with you now while you're reading this,
an arm around your shoulder.
He is there with you everyday,
he couldn't leave his brother.

Once in a while someone will walk
Into your life and prove to you
Not everyone is "bad."
Not everyone is out to get you.
Someone that will show you happiness.

Once in a while you will meet someone
Who will make your heart flutter,
Your knees weak,
A smile show through your blue eyes,
And you will do anything to make them stay.

Once in a while you'll speak to someone,
Not even what they say will help,
Just the conversation itself
Will put you at ease, make you
Regain hope in humanity.

Once in a while you will find someone
Who will leave permanent
Footprints on your heart.
You don't need to fall in love with them,
Just their friendship alone is treasure.

Once in a while someone genuine will
Walk by and your eyes will follow.
You will see that respectful people
Still exist, people that hold doors, listen
And show kindness with nothing in return.

Once in a while you will find this person,
Never let that friendship go.

As we lay here, I look into your eyes
And I picture us in a movie.
Your face is too beautiful, to not stare..
Your white t-shirt and your tan complexion
Just pulls me in.
Lie to me once, tell me you love me.
I'll hold on to those words for a life time.
As you hold me here, I hear your heart beating
And there's no other rhythm more calming.
I'm in love with you.

There’s no greater peace
Than driving alone.
Speed rises, decreases.
The scenes change.
I find myself lost in my music,
Watching the trees pass..
My seat comforts me.
I pass towns I have never seen before.
I pull off on exits in desolate places.
New things fascinate me.
I drive to forget about everything.
To encounter new sights, new dreams.
In my truck, I remember you.
I think back to the last time I saw you
And I stay there for a while.
That amazing smile, your warm embrace..
I miss you.
I drive to old familiar places,
Just to remember.
Sometimes I miss my past,
Though I’d never return.
Sometimes I want to drive further,
And come back after a week or two.
Alone in my truck you could find me..
Happy.

There's a side to you, no one else knows.
You've always confided in me.
And I in you.
You've held onto my heart this entire time.
I met you, and the next second I was yours.
I will always be yours.
No matter the time that passes,
No matter the faces in and out of our lives,
I am yours.
You hold my life in your rough, yet tender hands.

I guess after a while it did stop hurting.
A few months, then a year..
I’ve been trying to get a grip, but
It doesn’t mean I don’t need you here.

Anytime I listen to metal,
Or when I’m staring blankly across the room.
I get this pit inside my chest,
You left me much too soon.

No one is ever ready to lose someone,
Nothing will ever prepare you.
It doesn’t just get easier,
I’ve just become numb too.

When I say it “stopped hurting,”
I just mean that I’m empty.
I wish that I could’ve saved you,
I didn’t see the cries until you left me.

The day I heard, I fell into myself.
I was working and began to cry.
I had to leave the office that day,
I’m pretty sure you probably saw why.

Somedays I imagine you’re still here,
Joking with me about the old days.
I wish I could still talk to you,
Or push you in the hallway.

Missing you comes in waves,
Most days I am doing alright.
Other days not so much,
That’s why I’m crying here tonight.