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Feb 1 · 209
MJN
MJN
I guess after a while it did stop hurting.
A few months, then a year..
I’ve been trying to get a grip, but
It doesn’t mean I don’t need you here.

Anytime I listen to metal,
Or when I’m staring blankly across the room.
I get this pit inside my chest,
You left me much too soon.

No one is ever ready to lose someone,
Nothing will ever prepare you.
It doesn’t just get easier,
I’ve just become numb too.

When I say it “stopped hurting,”
I just mean that I’m empty.
I wish that I could’ve saved you,
I didn’t see the cries until you left me.

The day I heard, I fell into myself.
I was working and began to cry.
I had to leave the office that day,
I’m pretty sure you probably saw why.

Somedays I imagine you’re still here,
Joking with me about the old days.
I wish I could still talk to you,
Or push you in the hallway.

Missing you comes in waves,
Most days I am doing alright.
Other days not so much,
That’s why I’m crying here tonight.
Missing you Michael
Dec 2016 · 638
Worthless
Abagail Marie Dec 2016
I will never try to convince you to love me
I will never climb mountains for you to see me
I won't waste effort on someone who
Will never match effort for me

You will never find someone who loves you
How I could have loved you so deeply
You will never find someone who cares
As much as I could have for you

Every day I walk alone I'll be stronger
Every time I walk alone I will see
Every day I walk alone it'll be worth it
Because I'm not with the one who's not meant for me

I'd much rather be here alone
Than with someone who doesn't deserve my company
May 2016 · 332
No Strings Attached
Abagail Marie May 2016
Day one,
I made the mistake
Of thinking this stupid
Idea would be fun.

Day two,
I already forgot what it's like
To go on living my **** life
Without you.

Day three,
You've got no idea,
How hard it is too forget you,
And you've got no problem forgetting me.

Day four,
I'm going crazy sitting here
Thinking what if, could it be,
But I can't do this **** anymore.

Day five,
I lay in bed, dreaming of you
Thoughts dancing in and out,
You make me feel so alive.

Day six,
Holy ****, Ive always loved you.
I can't keep doing this to myself.
All you're doing is playing mind tricks.

Day seven,
You're fading. I stopped trying.
I won't look your way,
I won't try this again.

Day eight,
How could you do this to me?
Fill me with so much love and just
Leave me with so much hate..?

Day nine,
I heard you found someone new,
While I lay here trying to grasp how
The hell you can be just fine..

Day ten,
Only way to get on with it,
Is to just keep living my life,
I won't love you again.

You can't love something again
You don't stop loving.
I will always love you.
Written for a friend
Dec 2015 · 368
Little Toes
Abagail Marie Dec 2015
I'll be the first to admit I was terrified.
I wasn't ready, I couldn't be a mother.
Then it hit me, this is really happening.

I was in the party stage of my life,
Always on the go and looking for fun.
I wasn't ready to throw that away.

Then there was you, Lyla Elaine.
You saved me from myself.
You pushed me back in the right direction.

I NEEDED you; just as much as you
Needed me. I was ready for this.
Now I wake up with a reason.

I wake up and I look at your sleeping face.
I smell your Johnson&Johnson; hair,
I hold your little hands, you're my reason.

All those times when I asked why I was alive?
You, you are why I am here.
I was created to create you.

You are my reason for living,
My motivation for loving,
My get up and go.

I love you from your messy little bedhead;
To your tiny little toes.
To my Lyla Elaine
Mar 2014 · 367
Depression
Abagail Marie Mar 2014
Eventually you will have to come to terms with the fact
that maybe you just won't get better.
You will have to deal with people asking you "what's wrong?"
and "are you okay?" "you sure?" on a daily basis.
The most you can do is keep your head held high, keep
a smile pasted on that pretty face of yours and keep moving.
The worst thing you could possibly do is sit there and feel
sorry for yourself. At that rate you're right, you won't get better.
Somedays are worse than others. Someday you won't be able
to keep the tears from pouring from your pretty eyes.
Other days you will see the light in the things you do.
You'll walk a little lighter, and your smile will shine a little
brighter. Wait for these days. Keep faith that these better
days will come. Depression isn't about wallowing in your
self pity. It's a condition when a strong person just can't
think strong thoughts. Depression is when no matter how hard
you try, you just can't smile. It isn't something to be ashamed
of. It isn't something you should hide from the world.
Other people can help you.. You can't always make yourself
better. Accept advice, even if you don't want to listen,
even if you aren't going to follow it.
Dec 2013 · 668
December 27th
Abagail Marie Dec 2013
Another year's gone by
& here I sit dreading the hour to arrive.

Two a.m. will come too quick,
Laying in bed, starting to feel sick.

Replaying the harsh, vivid memory,
Like clockwork, hovering.

Tomorrow when I awake it will be,
The fifth year of innocence you've stolen from me.

Looking back, I realize it hasn't gotten better,
It hasn't gotten easier, I've just turned bitter.

I'm completely different than I wish I could be,
Looking back to December 27, 2008 wishing
I was able to change everything.
Dec 2013 · 2.2k
Burden Of Worry
Abagail Marie Dec 2013
One thing I will never learn is to not burden myself with worry.
I'm always anxious, feeling late, watching my back for the threat of strangers.
I walk with my head up, not because I am confident, but in order to protect myself.
Nov 2013 · 434
Once in a while.
Abagail Marie Nov 2013
Once in a while someone will walk
Into your life and prove to you
Not everyone is "bad."
Not everyone is out to get you.
Someone that will show you happiness.

Once in a while you will meet someone
Who will make your heart flutter,
Your knees weak,
A smile show through your blue eyes,
And you will do anything to make them stay.

Once in a while you'll speak to someone,
Not even what they say will help,
Just the conversation itself
Will put you at ease, make you
Regain hope in humanity.

Once in a while you will find someone
Who will leave permanent
Footprints on your heart.
You don't need to fall in love with them,
Just their friendship alone is treasure.

Once in a while someone genuine will
Walk by and your eyes will follow.
You will see that respectful people
Still exist, people that hold doors, listen
And show kindness with nothing in return.

Once in a while you will find this person,
Never let that friendship go.
Oct 2013 · 309
Your Hands
Abagail Marie Oct 2013
There's a side to you, no one else knows.
You've always confided in me.
And I in you.
You've held onto my heart this entire time.
I met you, and the next second I was yours.
I will always be yours.
No matter the time that passes,
No matter the faces in and out of our lives,
I am yours.
You hold my life in your rough, yet tender hands.
forever in love, forever loving.
"ego"
Jun 2013 · 339
Watching life pass by..
Abagail Marie Jun 2013
Sometimes even when everything
Seems to be going just fine,
I tend to break down on my drive home.
Sometimes everything tends to add up
And my life tends to fall apart at
The worst moments.
Sometimes I gather my thoughts
And think of my past, and what should
Have happened and what shouldn't have.
Sometimes I sit back and watch people
Living their lives so free while I sit there
And watch through the glass.

Where did my life go? I'm twenty years old and feel like I missed the last four years of my life...
Abagail Marie Apr 2013
She wanted a rush, you gave her one.
Nighttime ride, no seatbelt, just you.
You'd think she would be afraid, but she's not.
As the speed increased she hugged you.
The crisp air and street lights , beautiful.
In that instant she was happy.
No words were said between helmets,
They weren't needed. You knew she was okay.
You knew how happy. Smile on her face.
You chose her to ensure she would be safe.
For that I thank you..
Mar 2013 · 372
It's Almost As If
Abagail Marie Mar 2013
It's almost as if a dark cloud has passed
And the sun is back overhead. There's been a weight
Lifted off of me, and my heart's no longer sad.
It's almost as if your presence in my life soothes
My heart and results in my happiness.
Just listening to your voice can put a smile on
My face and then it's all I think about.
Replaying your words in my head.
Over and Over.
It's almost as if your smile can take my
Heart to another place, such a happy place.
Your eyes, deeper than reality, it seems.
And your skin so refreshing.
I can't explain how lovely you are.
Inside and on the outside.
You're such a beautiful person.
You've helped make my life,
Beautiful.
Mar 2013 · 428
Pull Me In
Abagail Marie Mar 2013
As we lay here, I look into your eyes
And I picture us in a movie.
Your face is too beautiful, to not stare..
Your white t-shirt and your tan complexion
Just pulls me in.
Lie to me once, tell me you love me.
I'll hold on to those words for a life time.
As you hold me here, I hear your heart beating
And there's no other rhythm more calming.
I'm in love with you.
Mar 2013 · 419
Tiffany R. L.
Abagail Marie Mar 2013
Has someone ever come into your life
As unexpected as an epiphany?
They turn into your very best friend,
well mine's name is Tiffany.

I met her back in high school,
When we were completely different people.
We grew apart, but now we're coming back
I consider this our "sequel."

She's one of the greatest people I've ever met,  
She'd never let me down.
You should hear the crazy jokes she tells
Just to turn my day around.

I can trust her with everything,
My secrets she can keep.
You'd understand if you had a friend like her,
How lucky you would be.

I consider her a sister,
And love her as if it were so.
Whenever we're together,
My face just seems to glow.

I have never met someone else,
who makes me laugh the way she does.
She could crack me up about anything,
No matter what it was.
Mar 2013 · 720
I have
Abagail Marie Mar 2013
Have you ever sat there,
and realized you aren't real? I have.
I think about it a lot actually.
I smile all the time, but I don't want to.
I would rather lock myself in my
bedroom and sleep.

Have you ever had a dream,
and realized that dream was better than your reality?
I have.. I do that a lot actually.
I dream about going places I've never been,
and meeting new people.
Though I can never truly get away.

Have you ever looked at passing faces,
and wondered who they are as a person? I have.
I watch people everyday and wonder
if they are happy, sad, what they're hiding..
I pick them apart and try to put
them back together, to truly understand.

Have you ever wondered, which
friends of yours actually know who you really are? I have.
I don't think any of mine truly understand
who I am as a person, or how it
would be to go through, what I have.
I truly think they wouldn't care to even ask.

Have you ever broken down,
and told someone your life story for them to just shrug it off?
I have. I've told select people every detail of
my life, and it seems like it doesn't phase them at all.
Like they're just reading another fictional
novel, but they're not.

Have you ever excluded yourself,
from all fun with friends, to where you're not invited anymore?
I have. I lost most of my friends because
I was too depressed to leave my room, and none
of them knew why because I kept it to myself for so long,
so they gave up on me.

Have you ever lied to the people who love you,
just so they don't worry about you? I have.
I am the only person in my life who truly knows the
pain I've put myself through, physically and emotionally.
In many ways I have tortured myself by doing so
and completely destroyed myself.

Have you ever thought back about your past,
and wished you could go back? I have.
I wish I could erase a few things, and restart others.
I think that'd make me a better individual and
I could have a new shot at being happy,
but I can't.

Have you ever wanted to disappear for a day,
just to see if anyone would notice your absence? I have.
Every day I think about driving until I
end up where I truly want to be, and I don't
think anyone here would notice,
maybe someday.

Have you ever written,
just to get things off of your chest? I have.
I write every day thinking it'll truly help me,
and it has. I write about everything on my mind,
not for praise or acceptance, but to put myself at ease.
Just to get the weight off of my shoulders.
Mar 2013 · 867
Long Distance
Abagail Marie Mar 2013
People say you can't  be "friends"
With someone you haven't met,
However I haven't found anyone else
That understands me yet.

He listens without criticism,
Whether he'd like to input or not,
He's become my very bestfriend,
The only true one I've got.

We always keep in touch,
Though he lives far away.
He makes sure I'm staying safe
By texting every other day.

I "met" him in my most desperate of times,
He helped me not be weak.
I can tell he truly cares for me,
Just by how we speak.

Someday I know I will meet him.
Whenever the time is right.
Until then we can still stay close
With every text or letter we  write.
Mar 2013 · 614
Puzzle pieces
Abagail Marie Mar 2013
How could anyone fall for someone so broken.
So emotionally unwound and desolate.
I don't understand how anyone could find
Someone like that, so attractive.
In many circumstances I've found myself to be
Rather repulsive  actually.
I would advise you to run in the opposite
Direction, but I would be even more miserable..
Maybe someday this could turn out to be easier,
Eventually, when i put my pieces back together.
Until then I hope I don't tear your heart to pieces,
The way mine has been strewn..
As I lay here, dreaming of how things
Could have been, should have been.. If I wasn't
Always in the wrong place at the wrong time,
Maybe then my life would make sense..however
I can't go back, no matter how many times I
Wish for it.. I just have to learn to deal with the
Consequences of someone else's actions..
How terrible of a thing to deal with.
It's hard to wake up knowing your life will never
Be "normal" again like the others.. But you have to
Deal, and that's what hurts the most..
Thinking "no one understands me" or would
Ever want to live your life.. Someday maybe that
Can be forgotten and and pushed behind a closed
Door.. Doubtful but maybe, in a perfect world..
Not my world..
Mar 2013 · 422
Drive
Abagail Marie Mar 2013
There’s no greater peace
Than driving alone.
Speed rises, decreases.
The scenes change.
I find myself lost in my music,
Watching the trees pass..
My seat comforts me.
I pass towns I have never seen before.
I pull off on exits in desolate places.
New things fascinate me.
I drive to forget about everything.
To encounter new sights, new dreams.
In my truck, I remember you.
I think back to the last time I saw you
And I stay there for a while.
That amazing smile, your warm embrace..
I miss you.
I drive to old familiar places,
Just to remember.
Sometimes I miss my past,
Though I’d never return.
Sometimes I want to drive further,
And come back after a week or two.
Alone in my truck you could find me..
Happy.
Mar 2013 · 631
Questions
Abagail Marie Mar 2013
Fighting hard ,
Just to stay awake.
Thinking back ,
On my mistakes..
When will I ever learn?

Headphones on,
The world is gone.
Drowning in the rhythm ,
To my favorite song..
Where will I find my place?

Hiding far,
Behind these blue eyes.
No one can tell,
It's just a disguise..
Who would ever notice?

Sitting alone,
Throughout the day.
Daydreaming of places,
I can go to get away..
What would it take to leave?

Writing seems,
To free my mind..
All of my thoughts,
Just seem to unwind..
Why do I find this helpful?

Staring outside,
At the passerbys..
Wondering who's lives
Are a web of lies...
How are we alike?
Mar 2013 · 479
He was there with you
Abagail Marie Mar 2013
He was there with you through childhood,
middle school and dances.
He was there with you through highschool,
academics and football stances.

He was there with you for graduation,
such a proud day for you both.
He was there with you for everything,
to witness eachother's growth.

Just because he passed away, doesn't mean he's gone.

He was there with you at the funeral,
although he was asleep.
He was there with you at the golfing trip,
but quiet he was to keep.

He was there with you for the turkey bowl,
he would never miss that day.
He was there with you and all of your friends,
he couldn't keep away.

He was there with you when you proposed,
what a terrible thing to miss.
He was there with you when you got on one knee,
and also for the kiss.

He is with you now while you're reading this,
an arm around your shoulder.
He is there with you everyday,
he couldn't leave his brother.
For Adam & Jon
Mar 2013 · 355
I wish
Abagail Marie Mar 2013
I wish just for once..*

I was the one being loved.
Drop everything for a hug.
I could be happy.

I didn't come last.
I wasn't judged  by my past.
Somebody would be happy to see me.

I could drive for the day.
Put my worries away..
I wouldn't feel so unimportant.

I could live my own life
With out all the strife
I wouldn't be so broken.

Just once.
Mar 2013 · 1.3k
I Was Still A Child
Abagail Marie Mar 2013



I was Fifteen.
You were twenty.
Torn and broken,
That's how you left me.
What kind of man are you
To act the way you did.
To break down and destroy me
I was just a little kid.
It's been five years already,
You'd think I'd finally be ok.
But I can still run it through my mind
As if it were yesterday.
There was beer on your breath
And your eyes were red
Twenty minutes later,
I wished I was dead.
You pushed me down.
You called me a *****.
Even after all these years,
There's so much left to fix.
You finally left me
The room just seemed to spin.
Even now I just feel disgusting
Living in this skin.
I don't know what made you choose me
Nor do I care.
Just the thought of seeing you
Is too much to bare.
I hope someday you realize
How disturbed you truly are
For upon my heart
Will always be this scar.
Jordan
Mar 2013 · 1.1k
Patience
Abagail Marie Mar 2013
Patience

Sometimes you have to wait
For beautiful things to come to you..
And when they do, it's not always the right time.
Sometimes you have to wait
For things to straighten out, for it to
Make more sense, for everything to fall in place.
Sometimes you have to wait
To find yourself, to find your smile.
To find the person you belong with and start over.
Sometimes you have to wait
For happiness to find you, and to
Finally feel worthy  in your own skin.
Sometimes you have to wait..
Patience.
I love you.

— The End —