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Things that nobody talks about:
The desperation of loving someone who doesn't love you
How the sun feels warmer when you've spent a year being cold
The feeling of weightlessness after crying yourself to sleep
When he stares long and hard at you and smiles softly, making your eyes feel shy even when you are not
How people who used to exist in your orbit still take chunks off of your surface, even when you've taken so many hits you hardly exist.

Things that nobody talks about:
Even when you've moved on, even when you've found someone who loves you more, even when you've discovered better things, your skin remembers things best forgotten.
 Jul 2017 Stephanie Hutson
g
5 year old me
thought it was
sharing things with people
crying with them

12 year old me
thought it was
holding hands
the term "boyfriend"

15 year old me
thought it was
kissing
touching

18 year old me
now understands
love comes in many different forms
sometimes in words
sometimes in expressions
sometimes in staying
and sometimes in leaving.
maybe someday i can fully comprehend what love is :")
I never knew what it felt like to have my Mama up close,
Never knew what it felt like to be enveloped in a blanket wrapped in the scent of rose.
It was never what I chose,
To wear potato sacks instead of clothes.
To be raised in the streets,
Eating scraps instead of meats.
Sell my truths for their lies,
Turn my eyes into midnight spies.
Sell my dignity for impunity,
Only for a false hope of opportunity.
Hanging shoes from electric wires,
Hoping to not be spotted by the church choir.
I never chose this path,
It was the outcome of the opposite of my dad's wrath.
I lost him.
His lips sealed to the beer bottles rim,
The liquor is his blood spilling to the brim.
Just like for me are the drugs,
My deal with these truant thugs.
I never chose this death,
The toxic fumes my soul expels with every breath.
This is not living,
Reeking with the scent of misgiving.
No one trusts me,
I can't ever remember feeling glee.
I miss you dad,
Your sadness before the world is now unclad.
My hands wield pocket  Knives instead of pens,
Protecting myself in the alleyways every bend.
I knew better than to wish upon a star that was just a satellite,
I knew that someday my heart would explode with overwhelming feelings like dynamite.
Looking into his eyes was like facing an endless void that would swallow you if you got too near,
Not longer can I stand this manipulative atmosphere.
Since mama left,
Papa feels this burdening heft.
As I lie under the midnight sky,
I can't help but wonder what it would feel like to fly.
I smile for the first time,
Regretting all my crimes.
And cry…
“Mama I'm coming home…”
I hope to quit this endless roam… “until the day I live”.
This poem was inspired by thief books and common world problems that occur in dysfunctional families. It's about a young boy whose mother died at the age of 5. His father became an alcoholic soon after and completely ignores his son. The young boy left to the streets has a very complicated life and sees the only way out as death. He wishes to reunite himself with his mother in heaven.
I'm not proud of my country//
They call it free//
But it's not
  
Crime families rule the police
and government//
The honest man gets *****
and robbed by them//
The Criminal receives praise
and stardom//
The Victim(s) are forced
against their will//
And often die or ****//
Then labeled
  
Too frightened to talk
  
I'm not proud of my country//
They call it free//
But it's not
 Mar 2016 Stephanie Hutson
CE
HE'LL TRIP YOU UP AND YOU'LL FALL DOWN THE STAIRCASE AND WHEN YOU REACH THE BOTTOM HE'LL HUG YOU AND KISS YOUR BRUISES AND CALL AN AMBULANCE FOR YOU AND PRETEND THAT HURTING YOU WAS NEVER HIS INTENTION BUT IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT WHEN HE HAS DONE THIS SO MANY TIMES BEFORE
harbinger.
 Dec 2015 Stephanie Hutson
Gaffer
Ah, Timothy dear friend
Did she steal your heart
Cut you with those razor eyes of beauty
Break you in two
You’re just a man, mere mortal
Never in this world could you tie her down
No jewels, no cars, no house
Just free to take your soul
But you’ve been lucky dear friend
Bittersweet it may feel
No flesh to console
Just a heavy heart
Ah, Timothy dear friend
The game of love is cruel
But would you change it
No
We all want to be on
If only for a time
That beautiful journey.
I'm a murderer
I've stabbed my own heart.
I'm a thief
I've stolen my own happiness.
I'm a liar
I've told myself how much better things would be.
I'm a slothful woman
I fell asleep.
I'm greedy
I've eaten my own pain.
I'm hungry
Just not for sin again.
 Dec 2015 Stephanie Hutson
Chloe
"...Hello...?"

This is a cry for help,
Is there anyone there?
I can't take one more skelp,
Is there anyone that cares?

"Hello?"

This is a prayer, quick, someone save me,
The weight on my shoulders is too much to bear,
And my lungs are collapsing at my sadness' apogee,
Please, please, can anyone hear?

"Hello."

This is a plea for intervention,
For I can't stand life any longer,
Each breath and day an invention,
The dedicated instruments of my torture.

"Hello!"

This is a final goodbye,
For no one has heard, no one has cared,
About the man next to the tracks with his final sigh,
Who jumped from salvation, his soul, despaired.
Each person you meet has their fair share of problems. Be ready to reach out a helping hand. Hear.
Since I am coming to that holy room,
Where, with thy choir of saints for evermore,
I shall be made thy music; as I come
I tune the instrument here at the door,
And what I must do then, think here before.

Whilst my physicians by their love are grown
Cosmographers, and I their map, who lie
Flat on this bed, that by them may be shown
That this is my south-west discovery,
Per fretum febris, by these straits to die,

I joy, that in these straits I see my west;
For, though their currents yield return to none,
What shall my west hurt me? As west and east
In all flat maps (and I am one) are one,
So death doth touch the resurrection.

Is the Pacific Sea my home? Or are
The eastern riches? Is Jerusalem?
Anyan, and Magellan, and Gibraltar,
All straits, and none but straits, are ways to them,
Whether where Japhet dwelt, or Cham, or Shem.

We think that Paradise and Calvary,
Christ's cross, and Adam's tree, stood in one place;
Look, Lord, and find both Adams met in me;
As the first Adam's sweat surrounds my face,
May the last Adam's blood my soul embrace.

So, in his purple wrapp'd, receive me, Lord;
By these his thorns, give me his other crown;
And as to others' souls I preach'd thy word,
Be this my text, my sermon to mine own:
"Therefore that he may raise, the. Lord throws down."
 Aug 2015 Stephanie Hutson
mk
you are both
the art
& the artist
every move you make
is painted in color


you are both
the poem
& the poet
you speak
in ballads


inspired & inspirational
motivated & motivational


you have purpose
you have drive
you're not scared
you strive

that fire in your soul
the spark in your eyes
enough to set the world ablaze
a mind bound by no limits
a body willing to test new parameters

untethered
never going to surrender

philosophy makes up your very being
your words deserve to be written in volumes
you are
inches away from touching the stars
i suspect you were made of stardust
invaluable, irreplaceable, shining in the night sky

you belong to a different era
& you're not afraid to speak the ancient language
you are from both the future and the past
at the same time
inside you are both fireworks and candlelights
you are a greek statue in a museum
you are a sultan in the ottoman empire

you are both the soldier
and the war
all at once

you
are
a
wonder
& never will I
be able to fathom
the fact that
you
are
*mine
// i'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck //
written about someone who means a lot to me x
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