He wrapped his arms around me.
Kissed the top of my head.
He would say everything is alright,
And I believed him everytime.
I loved that feeling,  
Being in his arms.
He shielded me from the world,
And protected me from myself.
But now he's gone
And it hurts so much.
But what hurts the most
Is that I still feel him here,
Like a phantom.
In my mind,
He's still holding me close.
I want to scream,
And maybe punch him.
But I'm so tired.
I just can't hate him.
No matter how much I try,
I can't stay mad.
I hate this feeling.

In the end,
It turns out we were addicting.
Like a good dream,
That you never want to wake from.
Sweet words said between us,
Sung like a lullaby
To keep us asleep.

In the end,
It became a nightmare,
Of stories untold
And burning disagreements.  
The star that shone bright between us,
Turned to ash.
And we woke up,
Afraid of the dark.

In the end,
We weren't what the other needed.
And I suppose that's ok,
Because for a time
We were perfect for each other.

My favorite color is blue.
It was blue before I met you.
And unsurprisingly,
Even after you're gone.
I like blue in general.
I like faded blue jeans
And the bright blue of a butterfly's wings.
I like blue as lipstick.
And even as a food.
Blue is my favorite color
No matter the shade.
But my favorite shade of blue
Isn't the deep blue of the ocean,
Nor is it the pale blue of the sky.
It isn't even the shade of your eyes,
Which is somewhere in between.
No my favorite shade of blue
Would be that
Of forget-me-nots.

I want to get over it.
I want to let go.
But those have always been
The hardest things for me to do.
I fell hard.
And I loved deeply.
I don't know how
To get rid of these feelings.
I don't understand
How I lost you.
Maybe you were playing me
The entire time.
Maybe you never loved me.
It's hard to think
With everything that's happened
That there were no emotions
On your side.
But that's the only thing that makes sense
In my messed up head.

There was still a spark,
Still the smallest of flames,
Left over from the hell
That my life used to be.

For a while,
I thought it was gone.
Controlled and out of fuel.
But it never disappeared.
It lived off my smallest fears
And unexplainable doubts.

And when the one person
Who could control this hell fire
Left me when I needed them most,
The spark ignited
And the flame consumed me.

It burns my soul,
The smoke is choking me.
And with all the negative emotions
That I can't help but feel,
The fire only seems to grow.

It provides for my demons,
Makes them even stronger.
I don't want to lose myself again,
But they're the only thing
I hear in my head.

I have to battle them again,
But I'm already so tired.
Perhaps it is time,
I let my demons take over.

You think I'm perfect.
I know that I'm not.
I hope you're starting to see it too.
Can you see them now,
All my demons and monsters?
They're a little shy,
So they hide at first.
But every so often,
I get into a fight
With my parents
Or sometimes a friend,
And those ugly little things
Make their first appearance.
They hold my heart captive,
Use it to control my mind.
They tear me to shreds,
And I let them.
Because if I don't,
They'll find a new victim.
And I'd rather they hurt me,
Than someone I love.

Does life seem different,
Or is it just me?
It feels like things have shifted
And I'm not sure I like it.
Maybe it's temporary.
Maybe things will go back.
But how do I explain
The way that I'm feeling right now?

Do the days seem longer,
Or is it just me?
It feels like the days
Never seem to end.
Maybe it's the upcoming finals.
Maybe it's just stress.
But how do I explain
How hard it is to make it through the day?


Something is different.
I think it's just me.
I hope things go back
To the way they were when I was 15
Because whatever has changed,
I really don't like.
Maybe I need some alone time
To figure things out.

But I already feel lonely,
Even though I know that I'm not.
I think I'm just isolating myself.
It feels like there's ice around my heart.
It's cold but it burns.
It hurts but did I do this to myself?
Maybe I need some alone time,
But lonely is the last thing I want to feel.