Does life seem different,
Or is it just me?
It feels like things have shifted
And I'm not sure I like it.
Maybe it's temporary.
Maybe things will go back.
But how do I explain
The way that I'm feeling right now?

Do the days seem longer,
Or is it just me?
It feels like the days
Never seem to end.
Maybe it's the upcoming finals.
Maybe it's just stress.
But how do I explain
How hard it is to make it through the day?


Something is different.
I think it's just me.
I hope things go back
To the way they were when I was 15
Because whatever has changed,
I really don't like.
Maybe I need some alone time
To figure things out.

But I already feel lonely,
Even though I know that I'm not.
I think I'm just isolating myself.
It feels like there's ice around my heart.
It's cold but it burns.
It hurts but did I do this to myself?
Maybe I need some alone time,
But lonely is the last thing I want to feel.

Some days
I wish I could just
Runaway
Disappear without a trace
Start a new life
Be a new me

But I'd have to leave everything
Everything that I know
Everything that's comfortable
Could I really just leave it all?
Could I put it all behind me?

There are people
Who are keeping me in place
I couldn't leave them
I don't want to forget them
I won't runaway
For them
I'll just keep on existing
Anchored down
In this boring city

Sometimes it's too hard
To pretend I'm happy
Sometimes I want to break down
Regardless of my company

But my mask
Always falls into place
The moment this emptiness
Starts to grow

I push you away
Avoid talking to you
And isolate myself
From the things that make me happy

I'm sorry for that
I don't know what else to do
You shouldn't have to see me
When I can't smile

I'll be strong for you
And avoid showing weakness
So the image you have of me
Isn't burned away
By the demons in my mind

If I could
I'd spend forever in your arms
Because when you hold me
I feel like myself

The dull knife
Of harmless words
Things said in passing
That aren't meant to hurt
But carve scars into my heart anyway
They can't reach my ears
Or tear apart my soul
Because in your arms
I'm protected

You guard my mind
From the unwanted thoughts
The ones that threaten
To turn me into the monster
That I fear the most

But there's nothing to fear
Because nothing can hurt me
Not as long
As your arms are around me

Once
I was with a boy
Who was the video games I played to waste time
He was a few years older than me
And had better understanding of love
I couldn't love him
The way he loved me
And so I hurt him

Once
I was with a boy
Who was the songs that played in my head
He loved me
But I couldn't say it back
I know he cared
But he brought out the worst in me
Encouraged me to let my demons take control
So I left him

I never thought I'd love someone
It took me a long time
To realise that I had loved before
And that I could love at all

Now
I'm with a boy
Who is the words in my heart
He inspires me to be better
Makes me laugh on quiet days
And understands when I can't smile
He holds me
Doesn't let me be sad
He's everything I want
And everything I didn't know I needed

I was told growing up
"Home is where the heart is."
They tell me
"Home can be another person."
I learned over the years,
That both are true.
But what they never said
Is that your home
Can be found
In the hearts,
Souls, and presence
Of more than one person.

Little sis,
Do you remember preschool,
How we were separated for the first time,
But having each other
Was still the only thing that mattered?

Little sis,
Do you remember being raised like twins,
The closest friend the other had?
Do you remember
How we would play and fight,
How we would always laugh together,
Sing together,
Dance together?

Nowadays,
We aren't as close.
We're not two peas from the same pod.

These days,
We're more like two stars.
We look close together,
But we're really
Galaxies apart.