I repeat it. I repeat it. I repeat it. I repeat it.
I mean repetition prevents shock.
Repeat
I mean repetition prevents
What
So if I say I’m sad I’m sad I’m sad I’m sad I’m sad will I stop being surprised or ashamed
So ashamed
I mean repetition doesn’t prevent shock it creates boredom or expectancy in what you repeat
right?
So if my voice repeats my cries, my sadness,
Will I stop being surprised... I meant can I find a way for my family
Can I find a way for my family
Can I hide away from my family
Can I find a way for my family to expect that my suffering will never end?

You say I caused the end too
But I never remember choosing someone over you

I want to kiss broken people
Even if our half’s are different
Just to feel whole

What if my only progress has been my progression of regression

How disappointing it is when a betrayal  isn’t surprising
And the boys are still laughing

Grasping for words but only chunks of skin are willing
thought it would stop burning
forgot how much pain it was
Didn’t foresee the way schooling comes back to me

See before it was different
Before I was younger before
I didn’t think about those things before
I hadn’t gone through recovery before
Didn’t know about self sooth, self-love, self reliance,
But I’m back in Square, One
So before I’m gone
Did I do well?

I am undoing myself again
The string once held now yanked from its place
Uprooting more then it’s existence
Unraveling each thing
I thought saved me

The remnants
Not even balled up on the floor
But sprawled across each crevice
The light invasively seeping in with authority
Subtly forcing each fiber into compliancy

But not permanently