“They lied to me!”
She screams to herself.

They promised!
That they would be there for her.
THAT THEY WOULDN’T HURT HER!
How could she not see through such an obvious lie?
She’s so stupid!
Her silence is her most powerful scream.
No matter how many people she tries to surround herself with, fooling them with her smile and bubbly attitude, at the end of the day she’s still alone.
Do they have any idea how worthless they made her feel?
She smiles, but she wants to cry.
She talks, but she wants to be quiet.
She pretends that she’s happy, but she’s not.
She’s used to being left behind.
She’s used to being the second choice.
She’s used to it.
And she’s sick of it.
They have no idea how worthless they made her feel.

“I’m tired of smiling.”
Is what I refuse to say.

I’m trying my ******* BEST, but I can’t breathe anymore like every second I’m alive I feel like I’m drowning.
I never believed people when they said how much it hurts to get stabbed in the back.
Until, it was me.
Lying on my bedroom floor,
Mascara running down my face,
Gasping for air, crying.
How, after all you put me through, am I still able to hold my tears back?
You promised!
That you would be there for me.
THAT YOU WOULDN’T HURT ME!
How could I not see through such an obvious lie?
I'm so stupid!

“Why must I suffer from this pain?”
Is your constant question, that remains unanswered.

No.
Don’t cry, not in front of them, please just fight back the tears.
Please, just don’t let them see you cry.
They don’t know what it’s like.
How difficult it is to get out of bed and act happy for the day when all you want to do is breakdown in tears.
You’re afraid because you know you can’t fight forever.
Maybe you’re just not meant to live a happy life.
Maybe pain is all you’ll ever know.
You’re so broken.
Mentally and emotionally.
Literally and metaphorically.
This is so much more than being sad now.
This is affecting your whole body.  
What happened?

“Why is it so cold?”
“Why is it so dark?”
“Where am I?”

“Why can’t I open my eyes?”
“Why is it so silent?”
“Where am I?”

“Hello, is there anyone out there?”
“What is that bright shining light?”
“Where am I?”

“Why is it suddenly so warm?”
“Why is it suddenly so bright?”
“Where am I?”

“Why can’t I open my eyes?”
“Why is there singing?”
“Where am I?”

“Hello, is there anyone out there?”
“Oh, wait, now I remember.”
“I’m dead.”

She gave him everything she had,
Her body, soul, and heart,
She thought they would be together forever.
Her eyes folded into her face,
Tears so sharp, bitter and fierce
They’re salting her in place.

She’s yearning for joy, while
Dealing with the tragedy of losing
A man once very sweet,
A man now lost in his shadows,
Her sadness under his feet.

Her life at home is full of nothing but pain.
Feeling violated and scared.
No matter how hard she scrubs,
that feeling is still lingering on her.
The numerous scars covering her
body like paint to a canvas.

She misses the way he used
to hold her and how he gave her
a gentle kiss that made her feel safe.
Now, he brings nightmares and pain.
No amount of words can express
how terrified she is being near him.

She’s suffocating.
The memory of him will never go away,
even if she wishes it away.
She gave him everything and somehow, that's still wasn't enough.

I wanted him to stay.
But Time would not allow it
For he does not trust me. Not anymore.
As I am a creature of hell.
I know no death nor life. Only pain.
And Time. Time is stubborn. Like always
No matter how much I ask his answer is still no.

He wanted to stay.
But it was too late. He was too far gone.
I weep, never again will he hold me,
In those arms that I love so.
I prayed, he prayed, to Time.
To let us have more.
“No,” Time said. “I’ve given too much already.”
Nothing would change his mind.

“Goodbye,” I said to him.
My hand on his. Tears dropping.
“I love you.” His weak voice pierced me.
Time was there, laughing at me. Mocking me.
The light said goodbye as it left.
My words will never reach him.
It was too late.
“I love you too.”

I’m broken.
He has left me. I’m alone.
I want him back.
“You’ll find another,” Time said,"You always do.”
No, it’s different. He was different.
Not like the others.
He talked me. He listened. He saw me.
No one’s ever done that.
I could forget everything with him.
“Get over it.” Time scowled.
I can’t. I won’t, not ever.

Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Years.
They passed by. They forgot him, but not me.
I still remembered. What Time wouldn’t do. How it was too late.
It’s been three centuries since him. Nothing has changed.
Time is still stubborn.
He’s still telling me to forget.
He doesn’t understand. It’s impossible.
I can’t erase away memories. Not that easily.
Not like he can. They pass by him. Never sticking.
I wish I could. To forget everything. Forget him.
Never having to deal with the pain that comes.
But that’s not possible.
For it’s apart of me.

I yearn to join him, my love. To frolic in the life of after. With him.
But I cannot die. I am to live, alone, where no one can reach me.
Not him. Not you.
Not death or life. Not the sun or moon.
Nothing. Only Time.
For as long as I can remember, Time was always there.
I cannot remember who I was before him. Before Time appeared.
I was nothing.
I am nothing.
I will be nothing.
Forever.
All I am are memories I can never forget.
Pain. Despair. Happiness. Fear. Anger. Grief. Love.
Escape is not an option.

I am a creature. A thing with no name.
I know no death nor life.
I have lived centuries.
Loving many times. Forgetting nothing.
Time is always with me. Never trusting.
I am alone.