It's not you when
You intentionally hurt me
With a voice laced with venom
And words like  knives  
                                      
It's not you when
You crush me
After you've built me up
It's not you!

I know you
It doesn't feel like you
Shivers go down my spine
Your energy feels like a malevolent stranger
I wait for it with feared anticipation


Where did you go?

Once I felt safe
You were home

Comfortable
I was happy

Now I'm just
Afraid      
                      of you
Paranoid                  just like you

For you're own actions
That you blame on me
I accept it
Because I believe you


Where did you go?

You aren't my friend I once knew
You aren't who I fell love with.

Who are you?

Help me
Please
That is all I want to ask
Just sometimes
Just a little bit

It is seldom existent
In my own mental vocabulary

But ah, you see
For others
That is the first word
That comes to mind

Help
Help others
Help people
Help yourself

But never
Help myself

Well, I'm asking now
Someone help me, please
Just this once
I promise I won't ever ask again
But someone
Please
Help me

Reality has always been
So far away from me
I had you once
But maybe I never really did
Only created the illusion

Acting the way you do
Makes one feel like those feelings
Are returned
For once

Maybe for a moment they were
Returned only in those moments

I still love you
And I'm sure I always will
For everything that you are
You are still home to me

I wish I could be yours
I thought I was
Never official
But who needs labels

But that was wishful thinking
Being led on by encouraging actions

We do have something special
But I wish I had you to myself
I think I'm selfish after all

At least I have you in my dreams
I dream about you often
And in that time
I have you
And you have me
And both are equal
Everything I have ever wanted
Continues while I sleep
Sometimes I never want to wake up
Why would I want to wake up
Only to be slapped across the face
I wish I could dream forever

Things that meant the world to me
Never meant a single thing to you
Wasted three years
Now I'll be wasted come 3 'o clock
Climbed over mountains
Trekked through the bitter coldness
Of a soul that was insane
All for you
And my misplaced love
That never was
Only a figment of my imagination

My heart is breaking
Piece by piece
It's not just a metaphore
Not anymore

I feel it in my chest
Right in my heart
These pangs of pain
You said it's for the best

But how can you decide
What's right for me

I can't let you be

But I'll give you that space
If you could just look at my face

I'm sorry I tried to understand
I went too far
Into those walls built from scars

The tears run down my face
There is no light in this place
You are the sun
But you always run

I'll let it go
If I could just have
Things as they were

Not a fabricated distance
That is only another wall

Please look at me
The way you used to
I miss seeing your face

Your sincere smile
I cannot erase
But I fear
I made it disappear