here is something that is easy to forget
yet somehow so difficult
to find and recognize

the lights of the brightest stars you've met
are sometimes mere residuals
of unsaid goodbyes

I cannot help but think about you
And how our story ended so abruptly.
Only so many times I can say sorry
I want to say I will change,
But I cannot promise you that.
I can promise that
I am still the girl that cannot make up her mind.
I am still the girl that fights with her thoughts.
I am still the girl that loves too hard.
I am still the girl that loves you
I am still the girl that you loved.
I am also the girl that you left.
I could never be the person you wanted me to be
I could never change myself to be who you wanted.
Who you needed.

i am trying to take care of my body
nurture it as if it were a newborn
cherish its hills and valleys, winding channels and perpetual rainfall
trying to help it move and sit and walk
and perhaps someday it will dance again

i am trying to take care of my mind
gather it up into my arms, tenderly
push away the clouds that gather and threaten to obscure the sun
throw open the curtains, unleash the riotous day
flood its rooms with light and the inevitability
of unwavering hope

i am trying to take care of my soul
nurse it carefully, puckered lips towards the sky
awake in anticipation for all the things that are yet to happen
the may-nots, the mays, the possibilities, the junes
and all of the beautiful days
that are sure to follow

as i push away the fury in my heart.

Where anger and grief learn to handle their frustrations
Where your mind sits down and tends to complications…

Where truth and lies stand on equal footing
Where ambitions and doubts do their pulling and pushing

Silence is…
Chaos and calm
Spiritual balm.
The abyss where you can find both,
healing
and harm.