My heart beats every second...
But it doesn't heal my wound...
I blink every minute...
But it doesn't help me to avoid a hit...
Gabriel crosses my mind at least every hour...
But it doesn't give me power...
The sun rises every morning...
But it doesn't take away my longing...
The moon shines down on me, every month, at night...
But it doesn't make things right...
I realize more every year...
But it doesn't destroy fear...
I grow older every decade...
But it doesn't strengthen the things I once made...
The promises faded while I had them in my hands...
The guide disappeared and now I'm lost in the hills and lands...
The stars won't shine at all...
I keep bumping in wall after wall...
I'm standing knee-deep in the mud of loneliness...
When I look back, all I see is a big mess...
The breeze of memories whispers in my ears and makes me shiver...
All I need to find is the river...
But I'm stuck at the moment...
I hear a bugle and I wonder who/what they hunt...
Maybe there is another war...
I hope they stay far...
I want to be by myself...
I don't need great wealth...
All I want now is Gabriel to open his eyes...
I want him to see all of the lies...

Why?
Do I really have to cry?
When I hear or read your name...
I feel a load of blame...
When I see when you were online...
No matter what I say, I'm not fine...
Tell me what you have to say...
Whispers your thoughts to me, night and day...
If you're silent, don't worry...
Let me tell you, I'm sorry...
Let me whisper in your ears...
The things I've felt for years...
The times I thought of you...
The months I didn't know what to do...
The weeks that missed you so much...
The days I've wished for your touch...
The hours I've cried...
The minutes I felt like I died...
The seconds you appeared in my head...
When I felt heavier than lead...
When I felt tears burning behind my eyes...
When I felt like giving up after so many tries...
When I felt like running away...
When I felt cold and grey...
When the only warmth was God and his word...
No one seemed to care except my Lord...
When there was no one to hug...
I had to unplug...
After a while, tears would come no more...
I was about to wither to my core...
Sadness was too big and strong...
Everything seemed to be wrong...
I lost my grip...
I fell and I had a dip...
I looked in the sea...
Sorrow and fear had to flee...
The beautiful coral reef I found took my breath away...
I wanted to stay...
But I went to overcome my troubles...
Then, I noticed that God had popped all my trouble bubbles...
I went to the shore and realized...
Without God by my side...
I'm all alone...
I sat down on a stone...
And held back tears again...
It started to rain...
The raindrops washed away my tears...
I noticed I have not many fears...
I jumped up and started to run...
I found a road and out broke the sun...
I suddenly knew what to do...
I looked up and saw the rainbow too...
Now I'm running on this road...
Getting rid of this heavy load...
Every day I learn...
But I feel my heart burn...
I know where to find my home...
But while I wait, I'll roam...
My home needs to find me...
Do you see?
My home has two long legs and walks around...
My home has two ears and hears sound...
My home has two brown eyes that read this...
I wonder if he realizes that he is the one I miss...

I wish I could let my tears fall in the sea...
I wish Gabriel could hug me...
I wish I could run far away...
I wish there was a horse farm where I could stay...
I wish I could sing my thoughts to the moon...
But I know that nothing of that will happen soon...
The days keep dragging on slowly...
And I don't feel less lonely...
My heart is lost...
But it is Gabriel I miss the most...
Why does it hurt me so?
What am I supposed to do and where am I supposed to go?
I've lost interest in a lot of things...
All I want is my own two wings...
I want to fly away so the hurt will be left behind...
But I know it will always stay in my mind...
I feel like asking Gabriel if he's okay...
But I've no idea what he'll say...
I want to talk to him...
But my heart is too dim...
Like the song says: I'm faded, so lost, I'm faded...
It's better than hated...
But it's still painful...
God has made my life less dull...
He's my only rock...
Luckily, He'll stay no matter how big the shock...

I keep asking myself why...
Is it because he is too shy?
Why did he let me go?
Maybe because he doesn't know what to do?
And what should I do now?
Am I supposed to continue to crawl low?
Am I supposed to fly high?
Maybe I should take off to the sky?
Then I'd find another place to start anew...
But I am bound to stay where my heart grew...
Otherwise, I'll wither to my core...
No love means nothing to live for...
I'm just alive because God loves me...
Without Him, I won't be able to see...

I wish to tell Gabriel how I feel...
But I never get to see him for real...
Only God can provide a way...
I might talk face-to-face to Gabriel any day...
My heart cries with every message he sends...
And I don't think it will be soon before it mends...

He says he's heartbroken...
I know it is because I sent back the love token...
The little key is also back in the giver's hands...
I know his gifts have more values than magical wands...
But those two items were eating on me...

My tears don't match the sea...
But I couldn't keep them any longer...
Now I'm here, left to ponder...
Thinking about the past...
Thinking how long will the love, that has been left, last...
I don't want to give him another scar...
I don't wish to start another war...
I just want him to move on and get over it all...
Or regret and fix before we fall...
It's everything or nothing...
Right now, we are in the middle of everything...
I'm unsure about what I should do...
I wonder who am I talking to?
Is there really someone wasting precious time?
Reading my every word and rhyme?

Gabriel, I want to talk to you...
But my fingers don't do what I tell them to do...
My brain also whispers to my heart...
"He's the one that tore you apart!"
My heart answers with a stronger call...
"He did what he thought was best for all!"
My brain mumbles...
"But have you forgotten about your divided heart pieces and crumbles?"
My heart doesn't agree...
"I once did the same to him, don't you see?"
My brain doesn't have an answer to that at all...
"But... But... But he made you fall!"
My heart answers again...
"I've had worse times, you are supposed to remember when..."
My brain thinks as hard as possible...
My heart tests the strength of a friendship cable...
"I've forgiven him... And there's nothing you can do to reverse that..."
My brain is speechless, "W... Wh... What?"
My heart gives a dull spark...
"My love hasn't turned completely dark..."

I sadly can't keep these items anymore...
Here is the key to your heart's door...
And your token of love that you have to hold tight...
Just remember that I'm thinking of you every night...
And I still miss you too...
If you want a rhyme you can always ask me to make one for you...
If you need a shoulder to lean on, I'm here...
Never be scared and never fear...
I'm praying for you, Gabriel...
And I believe everything will go well...

My heart is sore...
I can't anymore...
Another painful hit...
Another dark pit...
But someone still has my trust...
He knows how to heal my heart's crust...
Time will pass by...
And both my heart and eyes will cry...
I'm tired of being pushed around...
Now I'm thrown to the ground...
I'm feeling very low...
Luckily, I'm free now...
I know that someone will help me out...
I don't even need to shout...
He is now the One I'm living for...
Only He has all the keys to every door...
I still love Gabriel...
But somehow I feel like he has said farewell...
He hasn't turned his back on me...
But he won't see...
Blind are his eyes...
And I don't believe in lies...
I wish I could do something for Gabriel...
But I'm stuck inside the loneliness cell...
The familiar walls become more clear...
But I have nothing to fear...
Even though I'm holding back tears...
I know I'm gonna change in the following months and years...
Gabriel will change too...
I wonder what should I do...
My future looks musical...
But I can always fall...
I fell so many times...
Too many to say in my rhymes...