total ******* *****

if i put a gun to my temple
and shattered my skull
pulverizerd my temporal lobe
it's only temporary and knowledge may fall

maybe there's a way
to let go my feelings
because i'm tired of feeling
these feeling i'm feeling

writing may help
i type to my self
because usually no one responds when
you talk
i just want someone around...

To u line your back
To use your hair as the guide to my chariot
Bend you over raw
Form a deeper connection
Use my hand as a guide on your sleek glass skin
Here you moan
Here you sing
Here you preform an opera
With me as a balcony viewer
To kiss your curtain calling skin
Grip you whole
Be your puppeteer as you my marionette
SubMISSive
Make you dance make you forget it all but always recall
make you love and laugh
The show must come to an end but we are both so eager for the next one to begin

hy heart unraveled stitch by stitch only to leave a bare unspindled flake aggregated miniwheat like architecture

a fragile graphite layered scultputre precariously placed on a display case in the center of a slipknot mosh pit

people = **** and people = heartbreak

tip
15
30
46.6
90 degrees

and a collapse a smash a new abstract piece entitled

just as a 18th century mid roman vase were to shatter
no amount of super glue could restore this ****
no amount of super glue was meant to
it was never meant to (glue just ain't that super)

and if it were doped and galvanized in a bit of antimony for strength and support
but your touch is truly my favourite ash charred expansion of arsenic

my voice echoed through the vacant corridor
my words amplified through the metallic mesh of the mic
my syllables accented as my mouth developed the shape of speech
my letters admired by the readers who never failed to narrate
p.s.
the tone of speech is a definition on its own
period

i write with random thought
but every word slowly leads me back to you

i try to get away but every
second i type you define my stanzas

you are the structural font behind my every line
and description
you bring the heat no need for ignition

you are my verse 2, 3 and 4

and your name
your sweet breath fulfilling name

is my chorus to which i joyfully hum throughout my days
and evenings

just to have an evening with you my love <3

you truly are the stupidest *****....nonono that would be too easy

******* ******* born with a mental brain deteriorating disease

a grashopper with no legs would be more competent than you with hopping through trees

trisomy of the 21st chromosome seems ordinary to you

you are pretty .....******* stupid hahah lol jk

you are beautiful but ******* grow some ***** and make some intelligent calls

so a ******* ****** prepubescent man child does not drive you up the wall

you're willing to get abused in a trade off so you do not cut him loose

every second you carry on you already lost

as every second cotinues to count you are a lost cause

i am so hurt
strangled in my sorrows
from every angle
eyes shut a redevelopment in my bone marrow
until i cannot breathe
i have left no more stamina
breath exhaled
bones crumbled to ivory dust
i lay with a soul now empty
the grease remain scraped up with a  spatula
just know i will always love you plenty

my heart hurts
my head migraines like a dualshock ps4 controller rumbling on a drive train

my heart hurts , i feel empty
but knowing she is there
to hear her voice everything is a little bit better

when frost bite chomps
knowing a warm blanket awaits makes it a little bit better

when my long lost pet engulfed in an apartment fire
seeing claw marks on my hardwood floor make it a little bit better

when a black eye from a fist fight swells
knowing i stood up for a cause makes it a little bit better

just to hear you voice makes life
makes this chest consumption
a little.
bit.
better.

sometimes i think i'll die by my self alone
set stone change to a faded pigment tone
uncover my archaic aged bones
for when you find me know i died alone

sometimes i'll be forever mute
the robber stole but i couldn't yell "HE HAS THE LOOT!"
my voice is buried at the bottom of this chute
one day i will sing

one day
two days
three and counting

the days i miss you

my miss you are

my mountain
and cry me a river
so i'll swim in it until morning

for you i'll forever swim alone

in you i see stars
i see rage brought upon by a banishing black hole

in you i see the milky way
the rings of saturn i propose to your fingers
and my asteroid belt which comes undone this evening
meteor showers i scatter upon your eyes

but you are the andromeda
a galaxy distant from mankind
one we study yet one which is pulled away from our eyesight
you are awaited discovery and display awe

i began to know you as red giant, free and strong
but now you become a white dwarf in my eyes
just awaiting to be pulverized into a heap of a meltdown
with the possibility
of lighting up and giving us the glimpse
of
andromeda

if i could take a shotgun blow to the head
maybe it would be a nice way to unwind

nukes are going off inside my cranium
and shrapnel pinching its way through me ear BANGING drums

if i could pull a kurt cobaine
i may just be a trigger happy lad tonight

to the night
for this is my last night
tonight if all is
unfortunately done
right
this is my last write.

--- FICTION ----

was god made with insecurities that

he had made us with insecurities to

make himself

feel better


--- maybe imperfection was the biggest insecurity

. but imperfections relieve the pressure
of expecting

and that makes my life perfect

sculpt you in the palm of my hand
chisel your most fragile features until i feel your raw
coarse frame
let your hair dangle until is grazes my ever so nourishing skin
that aroma...ahh the aroma of fresh cappuccino hinted with
a vanilla scent
you looked gorgeous in that lavender threaded outfit,
glitter and gleam for me my bedazzling
but why?

why did i splash just a hint of coffee on you this morning
help realize
the infinity of persistence
persistent cruelty

you are a beautiful butterfly
but you are kept on display in a case
stamped down, encased, preserved
only to see light when the fascinating fingered pages are opened
of your family characterizing novel

you are a butterfly
i am an arachnid
a slik dress i have woven for you
shaped for you
enlarged for you
for you to fly in to my dressed web
as i spin you round as your ballerina persona dictates
to clothe you
to bundle you
to dress you
as i prepare to eat away at your butterfly insides

that day you really hurt me....i can't forget
do i even want to write this ...i guess
no i don't.. it's not worth mentioning
i know you'll see this
i know i didn't need to point it out
but somethings are better out than in
and unfortunately stamped into our memory as a postcard that reminds us of the vacation we were never apart of
why...couldn't i have picked you up that day
i guess i trusted you, but i've learned never trust a carefree soul
because they won't care when you care the most
they won't bother to make amends on a bridge they wouldn't mind cutting the suspensions on, because the way down would be fun.
that bridge was the reason for my waking and motives every morning
anyways
this doesn't need to continue
it was my birthday that day and you were the present that i never had a chance to open
you were my wish when i blew out my candles
you weren't there
hope you had a swell time with your 'friend' you got acquainted with
alcohol ******* *****
alcohol is killing you
that day it killed apart of me
lol i sound like a Boring Insecure Taunting Conversation Hound
but really... i should have picked you up that day

i'm ready to write and then i read another poem and i dont' give a ****

trimming the hedges , just go straight for the roots

carved axes etches blade like fingerprints in raw unprocessed paper pages

pages me and this blackberry has died

no water has been poured and a concrete slab has smushed it as a thumb pushing through the fine...

you know that feeling when your insides ****,
when gastric juice is old and the bleach is just as acidic
i got a reef knot in my stomach
every thread touched just makes it choke a bit more
every lace pulled
every yarn stretched
cystic fibrosis is in my stomach
i have swallowed the pacific ocean
and the yellow you see in the water is not the sun
but the bleach which the wind tugs
bleach which erodes every emotion
sodium hypoclorite which devours and channels its way through
in my bleach filled intestines

heart born with freedom
blood flow through my ventricles late i supercede them
like a hailmary through my bool stream
blitz my arteries with cholesterol teams

face planted
cheek slanted
girlfriend panted
and my ******* neighbours ranted

how come when i go too numb
face hit **** floor
i got overthrown by a concrete ***
back in the alley with stuck up confetti messes of chewing gum
until i become so numb
until my heart sore

heart died with freedom
**** these ventricles i no longer need to redeem em

i'm a ******* monument
ready to be tipped off a loading dock in to a havoc filled ocean or razor shard milk cartons

radiate that direct sunlight
make my pupils dilate until my whole iris is consumed
spf 50 is no match for this sun
i need spf 2 ***** fudging hundred
tan me like a hash brown
fry me like pancake batter
let me soak up that skin cancer and i'll enjoy the days
where i laugh and play and maybe that's why i was too blind to see you were right there
i was consumed by the light in front of me when you were my shade

bring me the horizon where
a vivid orange heat wave vibes into my iris
i'm more after you than the IRS
taxes should be applicable on you for looking so fiiine girl

****
she got an ***
suppress her sass
a contributing class

shiiit
she got a smile that
lit up my eyes like a flashing turnstile

hooolly
she got some eyes
that turn more heads than held in a booming enterprise

girrl
you got it all
even though your **** are small
and every time i look at you i remember what it's
like to be in a little piece of angelic heaven

i will always love you

simon cowell you just rant at others
for attention and the mentions
unravel your critiques on their dreams of stardom just make them realize
just make them realize..

the start are right there ...
just on the other end of that lovely black hole
dare to enter?

simon cowell
with your silverfox hair tinted
how much do you demand the light operator to keep the spotlight subtly grazing your hair fix
britains got talent
and you got the hair do that overwhelms crowds

simon says
but we don't want to listen
simon cowell
simon
hands cloaking an astonished appearance of awe
you do tell us how it is
and we will choose to make it how you want it to be

good guy

what is it like when a bird has wings
feathers kerneling off its delicate twig wings
what is it like when a bird can't fly
when it's silk feathers cannot grasp the air
and elevate

what a sight to see as a bird takes off
making the sky its new nest
twigs branches and pine needles
so delicately poking the air and the air pokes back
the wind beneath it's wings
now that is a friend always welcomed under my arm

the butterfly's wing
sing's too me like a seldom symphonic melody
my ears are always listening
for the sweet archaic remedy

as it brushes on my cheek and
circulates my chrysanthemum
all pollen has been found
all pollen has been brawling

sweeet aromas vaporize
gas flash points
and i'd flash to you in an instant
blinded by your beauty
the sun is reflected
your presence detected

in your graceful butterfly wings

spread wings as the sun's

a sulfur tinted spotlight caught by the anatomical heat sync aliased as  a pair of spread wings

-- i emit the rays for a potential son to the mistress who spreads her legs just as wide--
  
a monday routine built in relation to a 0  → π sin wave echoing an arch of its own

stained glass portraits seen through the amplified projection of a wing shaped lens

-- reminders of stained glass cathedrals , dipping a bit of vibrant light into our monocoloured lives.
a place where religions aggregate from legions --
  
an exhibit exhibited

but really when was the last time you were watching

ceremony spiraled down into a coniferous cone like - gesture

raise your glass make a toast

deliver the speech our ears have been yearning to gracefully hear

your words, oh your soothing, pain dissolving words

they solved every problem we ever encountered in a lifetime...

for the moment being

----

the moment fades just like our memory of your  soul lifting elocution (speech)

but we do remember the smiles gathered and shared

for we all know --what's her name again...i only remember her face

said every person ever to hazily recall another

when someone else bites why do i bleed?

how much blood can seep through me

when she takes her jaw and rips out my artery

isn't that enough or do i need to give you

your own blood as well?

chinchilla eyes which gleam like luxurious sand vulcanized marble
pouty lips
dripping with gravy
on your poutine lips

pain numbed
enchanting melodies hummed
rudimentary snares drummed
to the essence of which my ear drums fund

crackle tackle and hit the snare
animal skin (synthetic) to which the chemical hunter dared
take the long isle of steel caliber
skin tarnished
blood glistened
bullet varnished

beg your pardon
ripped apart like the tender egg shell carton
for when my finger triggered that trigger
it triggered an offset in me
a lack of principle sympathy

the warfare javelin which struck the wind
a screech of F#
a melody left my ear drums thinned

and for all who know
this is what i fear the most
no more mr. nice guy
he's stuck in comatose

i love you
no you don't
i love you
stop lying
i love you
you're making me uncomfortable
i love you
leave me alone
i love you
maybe you do..
i love you
i love you

i wake up to the sounds of the birds chirping
the tractor groaning
the winds supporting the endless street alleys
the sensation of waving grass
dogs barking as the conductor
and a friend voicing get the **** up already

cracks a crystal
watch it shatter
watch junkies spree as their whole
lifre is fractured

what a  routine mess unravel
like projectile batter

on the 99th step the fracture of a sturdy ladder

paved asphalt pass brimley and the 401 provincial highway
windows shy, hiding beneath mid door crevice
giving way for the combing wind
elvis's hairdue comes naturally at 120 km/hour
look in my rear view
her smile illuminates my world
radiates lumens past circuit driven tungsten (W)
corsets my heart into a reoriented rush of ecstatic cross spindled fibers
the joy of the bingo jackpot for the community center regular who plays their last card before going home
an "I 17" echoes through the air

but this card was misread, I 17 was a spot above the required
she was never in the backseat and she was doing us both a favor
just as the grocer who puts eggs at the top of the bag
her smile irradiated the room
her smile came straight from those high beams pleading for a head on collision

azides leaked though a break neck pillow
azides for my esophagus
leading to my sarcophagus

you are my songbird and i always
rejoice to your hymn
but recently your songs make me drift apart from
reality
an altered spirituality
a renounced melancholic grin

you cut me off...

like a ****** does their blood supply...just give me a hit
like a rock climber does to an unnecessary weight
like a cell phone signal going through a tunnel...this provider *****...can you hear me now?
like a chef does to the unwanted edge of an onion...no one eats this **** lol
like an ADHD child hyped on sugar does to their surrounding others
like the zoo does to animals from their native habitat
like a **** would a family from their loved ones
like a barber would to a hippie asking for a fresh fade...hold on let me just take some acid, forget to shower and protest against human rights...right on man
like a serial killer from their emotions
like a surgeon would to an untreated tumor harnessing a body part
like a TV station does to a failed pilot no one laughs at....HAHAHA not funnnyy...hilariouuuss

you cut me off....but i don't know if i can let go.

today is a day;
not meant for sweeping or mopping
but for keeping and stocking
unless your sweeping my pulled out hair and my tears off
that
hard oak laminate platform upon which i stand
keep my tears stored away on your prized display
collection
of
moments where his heart was shattered like the glass eye of the kid's face i punched
brass knuckles ...but i got glass in my knuckles now
no one deserves this
i should have never laid a finger on you
for you lay me down to rest and i love to rest on you :)

i hate myself
i love my self
i fathom of standing on building edges
i dream of defying gravity with my jump.....
but dreams are just dreams....
and not reality. :)

she's killing me....but she's not even in arms reach

to you it may concern
when you were my lantern
my showlight
my beacon
my love

now you are a burned out filament
a shadow
tungsten opened due to excessive enthalpy
in this reaction

a surge in electrons with nowhere to arc

you were and still are my dearest friend

but like a deer caught in the headlights
maybe it's better i reverse this car a few times
and let the track marks really sink in

tarnish this engine
i will always love you
to the heavens and beyond

dearest

this is how i die an array of colours flashed
hippy's tie die shirt glamourized before me
a 60s hendrix tripping vibe
too much deception, not enough communication
silence was the biggest killer...

after all most deaths are silent
and the dead don't speak

but who says they're not listening

a record collection of conversations stored in heathe ledger's memory files , the frontal lobe archives

just like the front side of the incoming car
just like the front side of the quickly approaching cliff ledge
just like the frontal assault i planted on myself,
but my pain is temporary...it is everyone else i know who must bear it  for a lifetime if they discontinue this domino effect

(i'm not talking about domino's pizza)...pizza hut OBVIOUSLY

I ordered the extra large cheese with a side of jalapeno's because this one if going to burn with a cheesy ending

how could you miss it.... i wrote it in my death note.

mid life random sins
nourishing grins passed on by wire strung tins
kindle blasphemy and spindle fibre monstrosities
for you for you
we have split divinity into
the depth, the crevice, the unexplored catacomb
for you for you
i have split divinity in two

arrow stricken heart ache
nails chiseled until a bare base

hair ridden until all my roots fake

for you i dig i dig
i dug this
hole which took me whole

i don't have a heart

just a place where you once stayed


led a bit astray
plot twist like a shakespearean play

for this hole of love is too deep
and the sun's beams barealy shine
it's been a long time since i've had a good night's sleep
in this slumbering hollow of mine

lick tongue sealed the chronic condition of this flimsy envelope
glue made mobile
tongue devours all that made the flavour of that sweet additive of
ever so luring adhesive
taste me
taste me
seal me like your lips after i brush my fingers down your sifting hair to your hypnotic hips
ASSSSSSSSSSS
UHHHHHHH
conceal me and i'll seal you with every taste
glue me down with your formulating lip gloss
a message you'll carry around with you that was never spoken loud
this envelope is sealed and is waiting to be dropped at its destination
P.O. box
123 love me like i could have loved you

summertime quarantine
an infectious summer
vaccinated by its rays of semi-life evoking sunlight
lathered in a thin sheet of SPF
Stating
Perspicacious
Features
those eyes glazed,
window sill eye lashes
her window i saw ever so gracefully
but a window only shows the frontal view .
i want to observe every latitudinal angle
and beyond the periphery of my peripherals.

i'm always in social isolation when my eyes are locked in with yours.

green eyes like pickles
brunette hair like the bun toasted to the crisp
smile and a warm feeling like nuggets out of the fryer
compliments just as the best customer service
we ordered 5000 cheeseburgers
but when i joked about being 35 you left just like the customer who left their stale burger on the table

with every breath you take you inhale a part of my soul
atoms lifting off my face through your windpipe in layers shed like graphite
dyson vacuums are amateurs compared to you
**** me off
black holes don't **** like you do
who ever wants a brainfreeze keep ******* cause you got nothing on her
i get turned on and then you **** me off
i give your oral presentation a B-
the breeze on my pole liberates all tension
i am ***** as buildings have balconies
i am ***** as kites catch wind
i am ***** as pens drip fine, bold, rich ink from their well crafted, metallic, ornamental tips  
i bust all my bad habits on to you, you make sure they never hang around too long, not to get affixed  ...just a taste satisfies
you go as deep as the magnificent swimmers of the ocean
you go as deep as lightsabers do through rebel ****
you go as deep as words cut the pillars fortifying self esteem monuments
nice.

i kinda just want it to end
any good methods?
any one know a route off this highway?
my tire is flat and screeching against asphalt
engine is puffing and spewing out oil against the head bolts
i'm lacking compression but it's building up in my chest
so pierce my pressure point
so i can contest to this blade metalically dressed

does anyone know an easy way out?
because it's hurting and i'm decaying
its hard living when
when the joy is not around
and chilling means freezing out emotions to
subtle my tones
at this point i'd rather be chipped away as stone

finito

for some reason more than a little reason
today i feel at peace
for some emotion more than a devouring emotion
today i feel serene
for some feeling more than you i'm feeling
today i feel whole
for some devotion more than my self devoted
today i feel with you

here's a picture
look in to the infrastructure of the fine frame
the outer border allures inward
vertices crosshair a centroid
the fine pigmentation due to stencil work and rich bold dabbing of acrylic paints merge to formulate images
blending, mashing, complementation of colours
azure, zyon, topaz, vermillion
i see a puddle and my interpretation is my reflection
i see a disemboweled figure who's ****** features exclaim "out of proportion"
bold petal ears, swelling rose cheeks, wrinkled eyes and a protruding thorn of a nose
i see beauty as the people in the painting smile back and joyfully prance
we laugh together as we see the same thing...people stuck in a frame watching the work of others pass them by as they remain idle for their idols