Stéphanie: Favorites

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

Sydney Wilson

he might tell you
draping over
your insecurities
his love is a gift
you don’t deserve
be grateful
.
he will own you
because owning
something
is better than
nothing
he’ll put pennies
in your pockets
to remind you
that you’re worthless
.
your arms only matter
when they’re wrapped
around his waist
at least they look
slimmer that way
.
you are his coatrack
where he’ll hang his
disappointment
don’t snap
when he gets
too heavy
don’t breath
when he needs
your air
don’t exist
when he wants
some space
.
live
in the confines
of when it is
convenient
.
don’t
unless he asks you to
.

#relationships #love #sad #abuse #badrelationship

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

children of alcoholics don't exist

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

bess

children of alcoholics don't exist

There is no such thing as a child of an alcoholic. There are children, and then there are alcoholics. One will never harmonize with the other.

Because alcoholics are never parents. They are shells, empty casings of love mixed with a burning taste of whiskey.

They are echoes of slurred, “Goodnight, I love you.” and “See you in the morning.” Each word filled with love, but blinded by the haze of liquor, so strong it fills your eyes with tears.

But most importantly, a child of an alcoholic will never be a child. No matter their age, they have gained the experience of those five times their age. They have watched life end with each tip of the bottle, but begin again when the sun breaks through their window.

I read stories about children who spend their days without a care in the world. And as a child, I wanted nothing more than that for myself. I wanted the carelessness, not the impossible burden of responsibility and secrecy that I held, hand in hand with resentment and hatred for the people who raised me.

There is no such thing as a child of an alcoholic. It’s not that we don’t exist— we do. But a child will never be a child when their parents can never be a parent.

#teen #alcoholism #abuse #parents #broken #childhood

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

Done

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

Em or Finn

Done

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!
Please be cautious when reading. If you feel you'll be triggered in any way, please don't read. Thank you.

I'm done.

Done with trying too hard
Done with sleepless nights
Done with disappointment
Done with being a disappointment

Done with hearing their voices in my head
Done with seeing visions of my abuse
Done with being around people
That just don't care

I know they care
But my brain tells me they can't be trusted
They're like everyone else
I avoid "everyone else"

I'm done with my anxiety
Done with my sexuality
Done with my gender
Done with my PTSD

Done trying to pretend I'm happy
When all I've wanted to do is cry
But crying would make others uncomfortable
And doing that in the past led to peer abuse

I'm done with my brain going on tangents
Done with having a constant smile on my face
Even though it's fake
And everyone knows it is

Done with heaving after a panic attack
Done with my abusive visions becoming reality
Done with feeling nothing
Done with being anything

Done with breathing
Done with living
Because at this point
What is there to live for?

My feelings for the past couple days. Getting help and doing my best to get better. Wrote this to relieve some pressure.

#sadness #abuse #done #anxiety #pressure

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

Forgotten

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

NitaAnn

Forgotten

I feel forgotten
Nobody seems to care
Or be there when I need them

Only one to remember
Is the one who hurt me
He never leaves

Forgotten
Alone

It hurts
To be forgotten

#abuse #unloved #alone #forgotten

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

swan song "lover"

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

frankie

swan song "lover"

spark up the lighter
feel it burn the tip of your thumb
light up the demons
inhale their love
blow out all your worries
in a puff of tobacco smoke
fell yourself succumb
into their fake love

crack open the bottle
feel the burbon burn
as it trickles down your throat
let the warmth of distorted happiness
engulf your soul

pour out the pills of hope
let the pretty colours cause you
to overdose
sit back and feel the numbness
shut down your body
a false moment of freedom

make your addiction
a romantic affair
the most epic marrige
you've already maded the vow
'till death do us part, my love.

If you are addicted, you are not alone. Please seek help, if you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, please get them help.

#sad #addicted #heartbroken #broken #depressed #abuse

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

But He Never Hit Me

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

Angela Rose

But He Never Hit Me

He made sure I knew just how lucky I was to have him
But he never hit me
He played games with my emotions repeatedly
But he never hit me
He made sure I didn’t leave the house in a skirt above the knees
But he never hit me
He knew the words to say to make me feel so small that I could not breathe
But he never hit me
He tossed me in and out, in and out, until my mind was in an out of control tizzy
But he never hit me
He messed around on the side late at night while I rested in our bed
But he never hit me
He made it clear that I wasn’t to go out at night with the girls
But he never hit me
He told me over and over again just how hard it would be to find anyone else to deal with me
But he never hit me
He fell asleep safe and sound as I laid in bed trying to catch my breath through tears
But he never hit me
He needed to have the password to every device, app and account
But he never hit me
He knew the power he held and used it over my head to weaken me
But he never hit me
He made jokes at my expense in front of friends and family and we all giggled together instead of cringed
But he never hit me
He assured me the women he texted were coworkers or colleagues but I could never know what they spoke of
But he never hit me
He made it clear that my interests and goals were not of pertinence
But he never hit me
He knew the exact words to say to take my entire day downhill
But he never hit me
He broke my heart over and over and over again until it was minuscule shreds
But he never hit me

If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse please contact 1-800-799-7233 this is the national domestic abuse hotline. Abuse can happen to anyone, man or woman. It does not make you weak to seak help. <3

#trigger #warning #abuse #emotional #power #struggle #tired #pain #sadness #weak

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

Worthy

Oct 2017 Stéphanie

BR

Worthy

I do not want to be touched like a steering wheel is touched;
Or a guitar-
Like I am a machine, an instrument made of parts,
Like if you pluck my strings, I’ll sing for you
Like I was only created to get you from point a, to point b,
Like I was made entirely to respond to your urgings. –

I do not want to be loved like a dog is loved,
Or a car.
Like I am the comforting warmth at the foot of your bed, or the meticulously painted frame you can’t wait to show your friends,
Because you still hope you can earn their respect. –
My love, I want you to touch me because it is through my skin that you can cool the fear that burns me,
I want you to want my body because it is the artistic expression of the person God made me!

Do you know that God made me? –

My love, I want you to love me because I AM the bones inside your body,
Because I am the ribs that curve around the softest part of your insides, protecting.

I want you to love the way it hurts to love me,
Because nothing worthy is painless,
and I am nothing if not worthy-

Do you know that I am worthy?

#metoo #heartbreak #love #loss #women #abuse #relationships

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