the feeling of your soul
being stretched
ever downward
by loathsome fingers

or the tar
that suddenly
floods your veins

or the ache in your bones
weighing you down
anchoring you to the bed

or the pounding in your head
of the restless prisoners,
the intrusive thoughts
you had tried to repel

or the strain
of all your muscles
slowly clenching until you
hate to move

it's the feeling
that rips the breath from your lungs
the words from your throat
the life from your eyes

the feeling that reduces you to a shadow
nothing more
than the opposite of light

the gut wrenching, heart breaking, endless pain
of i don't love you

at the black,
no reflection.

look hard,
small lives,
see the window

crack.
i am not alice.

Rise to the top
cream of the crop
lied all the way
to get higher pay
little greased palm
exterior of calm
smile and a wink
champagne clink
smooth sailing
girls railing
******* up the nose
you know how it goes
smarter than the rest
gotta be the best
control is the key

but now let me tell you what he doesn't see
he doesn't see that his lies are a trap
smart people can see right through all his crap
he backstabs and ******* and always complains
he's happy sometimes but not when it rains
when the storms of life come he has no strength
to get that fleeting happy he'll chase any length
he pushes away and ignores those who love him
he's covered in sins and horrors so grim
he hurts people, uses them, with never a care
he won't think of the future, no he doesn't dare
if ever a slight to his precious ego comes
then he gets so upset that he's nearly undone
he's the weakest of the weak but thinks he is strong
he never admits at all when he's wrong
he brings out the worst in all those around
and his voice is always his favorite sound
makes you feel like you're worth nothing at all
takes a hard worker who's kind and makes them feel small

But God sees a heart
one so torn apart
a lost battle field
that needs His shield
this poor broken man
who thinks himself grand
is a shattered soul
without a good goal
so immersed in this earth
forgetting new birth
he wants to be free
and this he can see
he just doesn't know how
thinks he's chasing that now
only One that can save
this poor foolish slave

I'm almost lost without you
I see you in everything.
A huge piece of me went with you to california
Along with physical distance, came a distance much greater
we had never discussed the differences that would follow.
probably because we never thought they existed.
at least i didn't

It's been about a year since i noticed the differences
they hit me hard
where did you go, other than to the other side of the country?
I understand the hard time you're going through
I'm exploring these hard times too
I just wish you were here to help
I wish you would allow me to help

The laughs.
The. Laughs.
I hate to say it but i haven't laughed for real since you left
i miss having to catch my breath

If space is what you need, I'm willing to give you that.
but i miss my best friend, more than i miss myself.

I took down my clouds and my stars
Exhausted and frightened of my pain.
As I began to pack my heart away
He took my hand and whispered my name.
He unpacked the box of night and day
Smiled, and wiped my tears away.

And like that,
I learned
to love again.

.        into love
sprung      and      newly    colored
like  young   birds — surprise  fall
        suddenly
once  and  all  in  or  none  leaving
here  now  we  go  down to  go  up
        head first
breaking barriers escape into new
territory  and  oh!  these   heights !
        just let go
as  if  they  told  us  how  to   forget
it's you — jump soar, fly! I'm ready
now   everything   always  and   all
         at once


© A. Leigh