And we all like to compare the past with the here and now,
but there are only certain memories that we will allow.
Like how “remarkable” our childhoods used to be,
compared to adulthood now where “everything has turned to debris”.
As in a state of reminiscence we remember things in the most positive light
and in the greatest form so our memories of the past shine bright.
But we forget that nostalgia is a deceiver to you and me,
because nothing was ever as good as we like to remember them to be.

I've fallen down the rabbit hole again,
into a world of my own full of pain.
I am not Alice and this is not wonderland,
so please don't be fooled or misunderstand.


Everything is a blur and my head is spinning;
I fear that this is just the beginning.
This creature's whispers are disturbing,
declaring revelations that are most perturbing.


People say that I am as mad as the hatter,
and their cruel whispers really do matter,
because if I really am as insane as they say,
I feel I should be locked away.

Who Am I?

Am I the mistakes I've made?
Am I the scars made with a blade?
Am I insanity?
Am I the bad side of humanity?
Am I the inches around my waist?
Am I supposed to be easily erased?
Am I the imperfections I see every day?
Am I the monster that tried to take my life away?

Or...

Am I the books I've read?
Am I the love I spread?
Am I the dreams I've made?
Am I all those kind words I've said?
Am I the bright light in a world so dark?
Am I the bonfire spark?
Am I the creativity I emit?
Am I the hidden soul and spirit?

Who Am I?

My emotions are obstreperous once more,
I cannot think straight; this sensation I abhor.
The impulse is too strong and the relapse is near,
it's racing through my bloodstream - that alone is clear.
It's screaming at me to be released quickly,
and the anxiety building up is making me feel sickly.

I reach for the blade after four months clean,
why to myself must I be so mean?
It burns and stings as I drag it across my wrist,
every sin and feeling is freed into the midst.
This is yet another battle that I have managed to lose,
another fifty wounds leaking out a red sea and I have lit the fuse.

You treated me just like a cigarette
and thus became my biggest regret.
You ignited my soul beyond anything I’ve ever experienced before,
but then you gained everything you ever wanted; so you ****** the life out of me more and more,
and then you reached the end and finally you happily threw me away and left me to burn out on the floor.

How strange it is to think of how every single person has experienced this day in a multitude of ways;
that not one person has felt exactly the same as anyone else or had an exact experience today, will continue to amaze.
A few, young and old, are taking their last breaths as God takes them away from earth.
Some are bringing into the world more beautiful souls as they spend their day giving birth.
Several have just experienced their very first kiss and are high on love as they dance around their room,
while more are lying in bed, crying silently as their hearts have been broken by the person they thought would one day become their bride or groom.
A number have had the most optimal day of their lives; they’re in a good place and couldn’t be more content,
whereas others have spent their distressing day writing out their suicide notes wondering how best to say goodbye without causing too much torment.
Yes, how strange it is to think of how every single person has experienced this day in a multitude of ways; that not one person has felt exactly the same as anyone else or had an exact experience today, will continue to amaze.

There lies the difference between you and I,
the reason you're exuberant whereas I want to indefinitely say goodbye;
I let my past define me for all this time
but you only learned from it and moved on; so sublime.