I want to tell our story like I thought it to be,
though I know it'd be more romantic than the reality.
There is still a part of me that wholeheartedly believes I'll never quite get over the idea of us as lovers.
Though I know that time heals all wounds, our hopeless infatuations will cease, and one day I will forget you.
I wanted to give you everything,
though I never could give you myself.
We both knowingly built our home atop a foundation bearing so many deep, deep cracks,
though we watched it crumble, together, hand in hand,
and it was so very peaceful.
You held me whilst I sobbed the moment I finally put an end to our romance.
And the kicker is, I had never felt so close to you as I did in that instance.
I loved you,
though I never told you.
And you loved me,
though we never had a chance.

There is a woman, trapped,
Secluded in a dark room,
no windows,
the only door is barricaded
locked tight with bolts and chains and nails and things of the like.
She is sitting
curled up
eyes shut
with her hands over her ears
pretending
hoping to not exist.
She is brilliant
but despondent
she is beautiful
however hopeless
intellect and adroitness trickle softly from every pore.
She resides within the confides of my mind
and every fiber of my being is pushing
with everything I've got
to force her out.
To share her with the world.
To tell her story
so that I may grow old
knowing that I
have been vulnerable.
That I have proven my humanity
my capability to feel and be felt.
Come out now, darling
No, it will never ******* be safe
but I think it may just be worth it.
Because I am running out of ways to tell people that
I am not okay, but that is somehow okay.

The overcast skies drag me
onward, onward
     into despair
The chilled wind sings me
deeper, deeper
    towards slumber

for years I prayed to a God who isn't there,
when I stopped,
I saw the raven in the church hall.

As I swallowed my miseries,
          the pain consumed me,
          the weakness nipped my heels,
I felt fear.

As I sat in the hospital bed,
           the ocean drained my sorrows,
           the needle pierced my soul,
I felt weakness.

As I closed my eyes in group therapy,
            the sins of others spoke to me,
            the sins of myself consumed me,
I felt nothing.

But as I sat in the caged courtyard,
             the wind embraced me,
             the sun caressed me,
*I felt peace.

I am sad and
I am broken
but I have tape
and I have glue
and I will put myself
back together
piece by piece

I always feared that when he touched me
he would draw back his hand in disgust.
Instead he holds me like old pages
chasing the foxes
he holds me like delicate lace
tracing each vine
and makes me feel rare
and beautiful.

Each night I ponder
on moonlit beams holding my hand
Each night I wonder
on sun rays dancing on dusty beams
And when
the wind shatters my porcelain lips, or
the stones callous my deviate feet
I feel comfort
I feel peace

When every thought makes you cringe
then you will understand
When every rock is a body
then you will understand
When every hand is a nightmare
then you will understand
When every touch makes you cower
then will you understand
Do not dare tell me we are the same
*until you truly understand