In this coffin I lay, eyes shut and mouth open wide.
Strangled to death, but alive.
Barely making it, but taking the stride.

Why hide?
She walks with so much confidence
She's so beautiful
She's so inspirational
WOW, I wish I had that much confidence'
You not like other woman
How is she so fearless?

My past is dark, my body is bruised, my skin is scarred, and my blood still leaks.
Taking me years to get to this stage of self love, I've been through battles, days where I thought I was about to die.
Days where I thought nothing could help, punched in the face and defeated to ash, sleepless nights and robbed of all dignity, and days where I only slept and drained myself.
My battle wounds are still visible, I live for the fight and I will die fighting, never back down.
A black panther walks with grace, handles with strategy, and fights with integrity, still holding it's head **** high, a beautiful creature, they say.
Tougher than a lion, effortlessly, without even trying.
The animal kingdom has a new King, and it's me, the alpha female.
I ain't like other woman, I embrace and devour courage, strength, bravery, fearlessness, independence...
Staring death in it's ****** face and ripping that **** mask off and whispering, "who's the coward now, beautiful"
laughing sarcastically, DEATH does not exist, nothing ever really dies, a soul lives for eternity until the journey is accomplished, a champion never gives up, determination and pride, a self encouraged vanity.

So, in this coffin I lay, eyes shut, mouth wide open, strangled to death.
But somehow, through all the physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental pain...
(Laughs in sadistic mystery)
I am still alive.

I walk along the tight rope in shame.
Whispering to myself "hold your **** together''
Halfway through, almost reaching the end, the pain surges, electrocuting through my whole body, static.
I fall
Not knowing how I'm going to land.
She jumps out from inside of me as I hit the sandy ground.
Head jolts, slow motion review.
Hurting, the pain I deserve, for knowing, knowing too much. the power consumes.
It rushes like a harsh wind, like a storm that cannot be unveiled.
Yielding inside of me, she bursts, and explodes like a thunder exhibition.
Laying next to me, only I can see her.
Her dark eyes staring into mine, I try to look past the horror.
"Don't leave me" a careless whisper.
She vanishes into thin air, I lose myself in despair.
I stare up at the high ceiling, waiting for the other ones to give me life and healing.
One unleashes, but one of fury and anger, Sukubus, the fighter.
She gets up in an aggressive explosive motion and attacks everyone around her viciously.
Here I am again, switching.
Switching, needing those people inside of me to keep me alive.
Like a spirit, without them I am dead.
Creation of the mind fighting against reality trying to show, but hiding in promiscuity.
I'm a good liar, choosing to be honest.
The will I have has weakened to the inner pits of my core, and without these personas, I am nothing but a rotting corpse.
So, I ask for those around me to stop judging me please.
I am only trying, trying for so long, that doing has me acting out too **** impulsively.
Forgive me, I was born to sin, but to love so passionately, a loyal mind of pure integrity.
I wish not to be so alone in melancholy, but defeated, so I stand alone, trying to survive the unknown.
I open my eyes, looking around me, seeing everyone dead, blood scattered and bodies twisted.
I get up, and start again, unleashing another personality.

It's mortifying...
The dilemma, the time lapse, the wait, the clock.
The abstract that I so blatantly describe in my other writings.
Time cannot be paused, stopped...
The abstraction is so formulated into one diverse piece, the creation of such is appealing, yet reformative.
Inconsequential, to the matter of science, myth, philosophy, conduct, and everything that exists beyond our mind.
I hold onto this creation, because the conclusion of the matter holds many intellectual debates that cannot be won or answered.
It is forbidden, it's lost.
The question of right and wrong holds many definitions that are inexplicable to the concept of reality itself, when the utter illusion holds the introspection that philosophers like myself, cannot give a precise answer to.
Time will let us be.

It's a quiet storm, and I've never felt like this before.
Sometimes I think, you're just too good for me.

Emotions are illusive like the monsters one can see. Monsters cannot be seen, so they live inside your head.
Are the monsters really destroying you? Or is it your thoughts whilst alone, lying in bed...
The illusion of life itself can lead to many emotions of ones mind...
Blinds us.
So we feed on the illusion of negativity.
Things happen that make us see the darkness.
Destructive, like a dead body and a ****** mess.
Corruptive...
Yet still I test.

I look around,
I see a sea of faces...
So many faces pretending
To be content with the life they have.
They walk around acting as if marriage and kids is the only source of fulfillment.
I feel a deep wealth of sadness
As the ones without those things
Still continue to progress forward,
While I sit washed away feeling useless.

Useless like a bird without wings...
Numbness is a glimpse.
As the emotions pour into you...
Your soul feels inburdened with dread.
Sins...

Sin isn't something that I believe in,
I believe in enjoying life to the fullest...
Yet I'm always with both knees to the ground.
Wondering if I'll ever be worthy of success,
I mean I'm just an outcast to most eyes that inhabit this planet.
There's not much meaning to my life.

An outcast with a craving for happiness.
So I take the devils side in hopes for success.
Failure is an illusive matter that my dark mind cannot cope with...
I judge myself in misery.
My dark philosophical thoughts rise inside of me...
Blind eyes see the lies...
And when in doubt, I see it too.
My third eye shut down...
My spirituality is all but gone...
I crave the high...
I need the drug in my veins to fight through the **** pain.

But even happiness is forbidden fruit,
An illusion best served as a party favor.

My thoughts are dazed…
Claustrophobic and hazed.
I’m exhausted and unamazed,
Fatigueness of some kind, low from the natural high.
Thoughts in my mind are delusive and unkind.
Dizzy and feeling quite fizzy
Not in the mood for studying, excitement, and fun.
Sitting by my lonesome self just writing what I can process.
Head feels heavy, got me feeling a bit queasy
Uneasy
Zoned out and lost in my thoughts
Sun is out and the wind is harsh…
It’s skin prickling and dissatisfying.
My exhaustion is sickening.
Absolute death and no reason
No fret
But anguished in my enclosed mind
But no threat…

System overkill
Discredit and disregard
Explain but disagree and make it hard
Exhalation and permutation
Loss of existence and clouded perception

Obsessive minds and sniffed up lines
Excessive amounts and numbers you cannot even count.
Broken, ripped, torn, and outwardly worn.
A lost ghoul, selfish, and for more you mourn.
Poor and dead, not yourself, completely blacked out and unconscious in bed.

Overdosed on the ******’ pills, suicide attempts never work…
Let the meds pour…
Gone, so gone…
Just let the meds pour...

Ashes and dense walls
Curled up spines and locked doors
Morbid carvings and ****** floors
Dark nights and gory flaws

Hidden from reality and tortured to death,
Starving…
You eat other bodies and drink the blood of their last breath
You have become a monster, Satan’s child.
Insanity takes over, and not so mild.

Kicking and screaming
Punching and hitting
Scratching and cutting
Pain infliction and dreaded decompassion

Given up, trapped in a dungeon of despair.
It is disgusting and foul
Hollow and cold, it’s inside of you…
It’s your empty shallow soul.

The haunting creeps up on you...
Eats you inside and devours every piece of your sanity.
The eyes stare in a long craving...
Holding you down till the depths of your despair.
Begs you to open up your mouth, till close, you cannot because of ripped open jaws.
The evil lingers onto you like a curse...
Claws...
they scar you and create a burden of dread.
The itch...
Painful and gory.
Your soul...
Empty and cold.
Ancient and old...
Dead in misery...
The deep dark hole,
Minds amputated in brainwashed delusions...
The craft of witchery,
A long lost mystery...