It was so
on that winter morning
that all the grass
and plants were still,
frozen in place by
the cold chill that rested
on our fingertips
and lashes
it was so
on that winter morning
that when you exhaled
the words
‘I don’t love you
anymore’
into the space
between us they
were accompanied by
a reinforcing cloud
of steam
and i could not fathom
how words that cold
could have been warmer
than the air
around us.

Satanists are lobbying harder for women's rights
than christians, catholics, *******... everyone else.
Satanists.
Jesus H tap-dancing Christ...
might be a beautiful day after all.

There is a scream in the back of my throat
for every human in the world to hear;
I'm sick of every system and every heartbeat
and I'm angry. Angry. Angry,
but too tired to throw something.
I'm angry that it feels like every human being
is on the other end of some joke and
I'm the god ****** punchline,
and you can call it paranoia or narcissism,
but I'm able to drink both and still
sit in the waste it makes, and see it makes no difference
what label I give any metaphor.
They all say the same thing.
They all say the same **** thing.

Almost drank a cigarette **** the other day.
N one is trying to find me anymore.
It's raining today.
My mother might be using again.
I'm running away.
I've run away for so long;
I'm tired of running away
and it's all I know how to do.
I've really put myself through it this time.
I don't know where to turn anymore.
Even my corners don't want me.
Sat in the closet screaming.
It's all that makes sense.
**** all means everything.
Anything.
Train with the lights flickering.
Dying, everything.
The point?
That's the incredible part;
We're all doing this for love,
then we're marching straight to death.

Nowhere to run,
hiding in plain sight.
Some of us live solitary
with people strewn about us
more like decorations of meat,
some of us crash into others
and stick on a molecular level.
We turn ourselves into monsters
of the bonds we craft;
mutants of desire.
Love without reason or understanding.
It's the only lesson I can't teach you;
the only freedom you may ever realize.
Hide in plain sight and love recklessly,
fall comes on it's own terms.

Saw the apathy that hurt her, the want of nothing;
a lust for sudden death, but staring it in the face
I saw the pain of death.
I was too caught up in dying.
It usually takes years to just ******* see.

I woke up to the sound of my name as a vulgarity.
I left abruptly, defeated, disjointed,
"If I stay here I will die."
I walked thirty minutes with no destination,
until I decided I would go to the beach.
Did not prepare for the beach.
Walked from downtown Cleveland, CSU,
to Edgewater park. Burned.
Gave a man my last couple dollars.
Had no idea how to get where I was going,
crossed a bridge, walked on the highway.
I got there, took off my socks and shoes,
my yellow and black plaid shirt,
and walked backwards into the water in my jeans.
Burned some more on the sand.
Got sand in my pockets still.
Decided I want to live.

I could see the city in it's entirety from the pier,
behind me; somehow conquered by distance.
Visually smaller. Tamed?
I walked some more until I hobbled and came to her.
Held her. Kissed her shoulders. Just melted.
I just melted.

You never really frown,
but your face sinks like
the weight is still there.

Your eyes are just
dealing with it.

Shoulders bent forward.
Spine like a roller coaster.

Unkempt everything.

Practically dead;
a skeleton wrapped in
worn tissue.
Breathing ignites the dull
pain in your head.
Breathing hurts.

Neck feels swollen
somewhere untouchable.
Uncomfortable is the word;
Uncomfortable everywhere.

Uncomfortable.

Got money for *** and gambling,
but you're leaving your bills
on someone else's tab.
People are telling me to jump ship.
It's getting harder not to oblige.
I live in multiple states
of anxiety and depression,
ain't it grand?
No "God" here, no "God's will",
quit chittering your religion like
it's a ******* verb; wallowing
in filth, and next is misery.
I'm steadfast on sinking
in this **** already.
I'm still here.

I'm so ******* lonely and
the dog is crying all the time.
I want to get **** faced
and **** a stranger.
I want to bare knuckle box
someone bigger than me.
I want to do something wrong.

I'm so ******* tired
I guess I'll stay up all night.
I can't do anything at all.
I'm gonna get a job and die,
or leave a scar on someone
or break some monument
of national pride.

Cauterize. Burn something
that leaves people in terror.
Awe-struck. Tired and lonely;
I want to take a wild swing
at anything or anyone.
****.

I want to be the blemish
on your mankind's
smiling face.

Your silhouette stains my memories;
the smell of alcohol and your breathe.

Your tacit acceptance doesn't illicit my
flaccid compliance, or silence.

I'm dying in front of you.
You weep.