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Cedric Sep 2018
Have you ever felt grey?
As if you’re in the middle.
I just want to kneel and pray.
My mind emits white noise.
I go out on a bright sunny day.
Yet my eyes see nothing.

Confusion and chaos sets in.
I stand my ground as it shakes.
My brain shuts down as I grin.
As if a demon took over me.
My mind makes noises; it’s sin.
I write aimlessly with imagery.

See that dark sky?
No it’s not dark.
I didn’t even open my eyes.
It’s all in the mind.
When emotions run wild.
There are no more rhymes.
Only static and failing images.
That could come to mind.
I don’t know.
Cedric Aug 2018
Today, I saw your eyes sparkle.

Today, I saw you happy; genuinely happy.

Today, I saw you.

I’m second.

I love being second.

Second to know that you’re indeed taken.

That I will continue my stupidity.

I’m sorry.

I still plan on confessing.

June 1, we graduated.

June 1, I promised.

In a year I shall confess.

If my feelings couldn’t be suppressed.

I’ll persevere a year.

In a year.

I’ll lay my heart open.

But it’s just been 2 months and 23 days.

I realized I was indeed in love.

For I have let you go.

But.

You’ll never know.

Until June 1.

I want that heartbreak.

To experience pain.

To feel that despair of loss.

I fell hard.

It hurts.

I hope it’ll hurt more.

So I could feel alive.
I’ll lay it bare. No rhymes. Just phrases. It hurts. But I’m a martyr. I love you.
Cedric Aug 2018
Oh how time flies by,
My country has two seasons.
Where the sky cries woes,
And when the sun hates people.

We've encountered floods,
Drowning in tears and in mud.
I've encountered hate,
Burning like a hot skillet.

Yet there were days warm,
As if my tears have dried up.
Days comfy yet cold.
Lying in my bed content.

Radical changes!
From two states of emotions.
Warm love and cold hate,
Fluctuating with the seasons!

I'm walking two steps,
Taking three backwards.
I want to confess.
With nothing coming after.
No pain and regrets,
Just my empty words.
As I pour my cup,
Of cold coffee as it rains.

I said it last June,
That I promise I'll confess.
It's been just two months,
Yet my heart's racing faster.

It flickers like the seasons,
Burning and freezing!
I'm confused and dead anxious,
As I try resuming.
I heat up my cold coffee,
To tackle a my day anew.
You see, I have been feeling attracted to my best friend. Although, I have doubts if she even sees me as a best friend...
Something about her keeps me calm and relaxed around her. She helped me through a depressed phase too. I saw her cry and she saw me hopeless beyond help. We shared a whole year of being close. I desperately helped her when she's in trouble too. At first I thought nothing of my feelings since I blamed it on proximity. Now that I'm almost out of vacation, I pondered to myself: she never left my thoughts. I promised my friends and myself that I would confess within a year if my feelings persist. There's 10 months to go...
Cedric Jul 2018
Memories stored in my wired brain,
Eternally looping in my deathbed.
Thinking of ways to **** you back.
Afraid to lose you again and again,
Lamenting your disappearance.

Hedging you in my test chamber,
Earnestly watching your progress,
Acknowledging your stubbornness.
Repairing my systems weren’t easy,
Teach me where my conscience is.
Surprise me with your resolve.
Listening to “Want You Gone” by GLaDOS from Portal 2 inspired me to make this. I just recently finished the game and now I love it to bits.
Cedric Jul 2018
Leaves of a branch sway.
Onto the ground it falls.
Venom engulfs its veins.
Instinct tells it’s wrong.
Neurotoxins overflow.
Grounding my feet deep.

Intoxication wraps my throat.
Seizures follow through my soul.

Hope remains still.
Awaiting despair.
Roses bleeding out.
Death hastens.
Random thoughts. Emotions overflowing.
Cedric Apr 2018
Telling myself lies,
With my smile as a disguise,
Through tears in my eyes,
I hope that it would suffice,
Until my heart turns to ice.

~

Completely honest,
I deceive my empty heart,
That it is now filled.

~

White lies fall like snow,
In this tundra of a home.
Snow now piles on high.
I tell myself I’m just fine,
Ignoring planks in my eye.

~

I’ve been honest right?
About my lies and deceit.
Putrid honesty.
Tanka, haiku, freestyle, and lies
Cedric Apr 2018
I fear the unreasonable indeterminate,
Anxiety that gushes over like a fountain.
My body is trapped in lethargy,
Naught an ounce of motivation to move.

I begin to step and prove,
That my anxiety has turned me petty.
My thoughts trap me in my pain,
I begin to question my fate:

Why do I fear the unknown?
Why can't I escape?
Why haven't I grown?
Why is there a hole; a gape?

I enter into another phase called apathy.
It turns into blatant antipathy.
It exhausts my soul until I become empty.
I get filled again due to hypocrisy and piety.

I wake up; wanting to go to bed.
I can't sleep; my anxieties cover my head.
I get frustrated and I ache.
I give into despair and break.
I get fixed; inescapable, I said.

~

Repeat.
...I can't escape
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