I used to wake up with texts
But now there's no one left
I dream of you but wake up alone
Everyone's gone, out doing their own
thing while I'm still waiting here at home.

Left behind and forgotten until we meet
face to face
Then, suddenly, "I miss you so much,
won't you please stay in touch" it's
suddenly a different case

But I do stay in touch, as per request, but
I'm met with oops I got to go
And the host becomes the guest.
Once again I'm here left alone

I could try to make new friends, meet new
people, but that's easier said than done
I'm still not sure how I made the old ones
They weren't the best but we still had fun

Maybe it's me, I know I project bitterness
And that can get hard to be around
But give me some warning, tell me the
reason, I promise I won't be angry
But that's just it, I'm always angry,
always bitter.
The second I step in, no one is to be found.
In a room of people, in a town of
strangers, I sit and stare at my twiddling
thumbs
I begin to block out my lonesome feelings
until I'm hazily numb.
I think it was for the best in the end,
because my time alone showed me how
to be my own best friend.

What am I doing?
Reading, stressing, revising
On **** that will in no way further me in life
Why am I doing this to myself
Every day, semester, year?
All the stress, all the tears?
Pushing me past the breaking point and then pushing a little more 'til I'm going going gone

And yet I can't stop.
I can't just say "**** it" and forget about it
It has to be done
I have to be better than everyone
Who cares about mental health when there's a ******* exam tomorrow?
Goddamn,
Please be an
**A

Dye my hair just to add a little color into my life
Stuff my face just to fill the void
Slice and slash just to make sure I'm real
Paint my face just to hide the imperfections
Starve, starve, and starve again just to fit
the standard of beautiful
Sew in a smile just to appear sane
because it's not like anyone cares
anyway
Cry in the night just to have a release
Just to have an escape, go and get
******
People all around who will swear till the
end that they love and care for you
But when it comes right down to it you
know you're alone

This sadness, this numb
It is not poetic.
I cannot write about galaxy ridden veins
or fire seared eyes

This sadness, this emptiness
It is not beautiful
There will be no heroic sweeping away of broken princesses by
princes with cigarette clenched teeth
or ***** laced lips

This sadness, this gut-wrenching pain
Will not be daises in Marlboro boxes
It can't be unraveled threads sewed back
by an infinite but dysfunctional love

No, no.

This sadness isn't any of that.

This sadness, it's raw
It hurts to look at but it's torture to bear
People look away from this type of sadness
Because it sure as hell ain't pretty.
But what it is is real
This is the sadness that, once moved past, is never forgotten

It's worn like armor in battle
Like a coat of arms

This sadness makes you a **soldier

Why must everything be masked with metaphors and merciless meanderings?
Is it considered insufferable to say what you want
Stripped of any ambiguity?
To just have it out in the open
Vulnerable and exposed?

It's not difficult, just follow my lead
I  l o v e  y o u
Or on a more negative note
W o u l d  y o u  s o  k i n d l y  g e t  o u t  
o f  m y  l I f e ?
Say what you want!
Exercise your first amendment  
Shout it out to the world!
Make it heard! Make it known!
This is what I have to say now **hear it!