You love was cast down like the shadows from clouds racing by on bright sunny days .

I learned to wear sunglasses even in the rain

The blackbirds know my secrets all too well
That I am just a kid who grew up too fast
Felt my earth tremble and my sky crumble
Too soon to savour the fleeting taste of joy                              
That I was born with coal in my veins.
The waning moon has seen me cry
And has cradled me in its ***** and
Taught me that my chaos is not fruitless, it has
Painted my life with colour and purpose
My wild heart has tasted the society-poisoned
Make-believe elixir of love
I was kidnapped from reality because
I left the door to my soul slightly ajar,
That is how it begins, engulfed
In memories and if-onlys and I am
Dancing with the ghosts in my head.
I should revert to loving poetry, music, sunsets
You see, even the chirpers outside my window at
Dawn were silent with grief and turmoil
The day my golden heart blackened and broke.
Well let the roses wilt grey and the moon
Fracture in two because I will not stop
Loving or feeling or existing too much
These tears are fireworks doused in a sea of hope and
I am made of stardust and rainwater and pain
And my beauty lies in the many, many pieces of my heart.

Should I be afraid that I no longer feel?

That I stare death in the eyes, hold hands with

Pain, kiss fear on the cheek and embrace heart

Break like it is the one thing that holds my

Worn being together, desperately clutching

At the frayed stitches of my body and

Fervently keeps the hemline of my soul intact

Like the nightmares of this universe are what

Keeps me whole, keeps me from crumbling entirely

Because my heart knows no better than pain

Because I have never known a world without

Agony and grief, and mellowed screams and

Lullabies of sobs and birdsongs of quiet pain

Because my fields are infertile without grief,

Because my skies are starless without heartbreak,

Because my soul is void without my scars that

Scream. They scream the stories that ignite

the raging wildfire behind my damp oak eyes

Each word, on each page, of each blood stained,

tragedy, pull the threads of my being into a living,

Fighting, person. There is beauty in melancholy,

Tears that birth sunflowers that blossom without sun

Light, that glares through the cracks of my heart,

Without a match to light it. Only silent, sobering

Pride, that I have made it to today. That I have seethed

Through the stab wounds and gunshots and blistering

Burns of unspeakable pain, and I have survived with

Grace, with a smile that embraces the worn corners of

This earth, and with a heart that leaves love wherever I go.

Today is a different kind of fight
Today is not bruises and cuts
Grappling with darkness to see
Light and find a sprinkling of
Happy. No, today is darker
Today is fighting just to survive
To taste oxygen in my lungs and
Not bitter sadness or poison
Of hope that never really existed
In the first place, and time waits
For none and honey even memories
Must die. Today is heavy hearted
Tongue biting, palm digging pain
Hot teardrops, throat constricted
Shallow breathing, hurt. Today is
Counting seconds till i can sleep
And smiling pretty for the camera
Even when my eyelids are heavy with
Uncried cries and unslept sleep that i
So desperately need. Today is my broken
Reflection in the mirror, staring hopeless
At this stranger, cutting my finger on the
Shattered glass and I’m bleeding, red and
Oozing rage and i’m- losing myself.
Tomorrow is putting the pieces back together,
Shard by shard, tear by tear,scar by scar
Tomorrow i will not look so unfamiliar,
And this deep longing to know myself
Will fade away. Today is survival and
Tomorrow is living,
Tomorrow is living.