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I suppose you could call me the epitome of destructive.

Number insides;

I am lighter fluid and absinthe.

All those whom I look forward to,

Perish at an age no older than 30.
Sunken deep by the crippling bones of creativity.
Why must creative convert to gloom?

Would you call yourself the poster child for anti-depressants?
When was the last time you held the shards in hand

and looked upon your perfect skin with tremors?

Just dying to let the living out.


Sit perched to the moon awaiting a calling

that came in a figure of an *******.

Sometimes I speak to you of my troubles

Just to know you’ll get off my back.


Do you know if it wasn’t for your slippery hands
trying to mumble their way through steel caps

I might of died that night?
Inches away from the edge
you crudely pointed at your own meter
that ticked against the pavement
awaiting pennies to be dropped.

You’d offer your calling card of cannabis and magic fingers,
line the body with your palm
and hold it against the skin.

Tell me I was beautiful just until the hand hit 10

and you’d say
I was the epitome of destructive.
An old poem about an old flame.
Tessa Calogaras 2015
 Oct 2015 Antoinette G
dan
sometimes
 Oct 2015 Antoinette G
dan
sometimes I wish
that the plane I took crashed
where everyone survived, but me.

sometimes I wish
that every time I'm out
I'll get hit by a car and die.

sometimes I wish
there is a hand to hold
to prevent me from killing myself.

every time I wish
that I should've jumped
and ended things with a big loud bang.
 Oct 2015 Antoinette G
jc
as i walk through the empty hallways
i fix my gaze on the worn floor
each footstep is heavy
and drags across the hardwood
the movements have become involuntary
a product of repetitiveness
not passion
i cannot raise my eyes to the photographs hanging on the wall
these black and white remnants
of what seems to be a life of mine
lived so long ago
that I cannot recall the details

but I remember
I remember the girl
who grew up learning hatred
so ashamed of what had been given to her
and so afraid of a life untouched
I wanted so desperately to give her the world
but she destroyed my heart
and left it black and blue

and I remember
I remember the boy
with wild black hair and a voice like honey
who told me everything I thought I wanted to hear
who pulled me in so quickly
but I drew away with little pause
and so I left him
because I am just a girl and cannot give you the world

I remember the boy
who I watched settle for anything
and everything that crossed his path
wondering if I too
was just a commodity
if his plans of seeing me in a white dress
were fixated on the dress
or the soul wearing it
so he destroyed my heart
and left it black and blue

and I remember the girl
who loved everything too much
who looked at me with wonderstruck eyes
and convinced me that I could be so much more
but the skies are never clear for long
and as the dark clouds rolled in
I learned that she hated the rain
as I watched her run inside
to someone new
as I stood amidst the raging storm
while she destroyed my heart
and left it black and blue

and I remember
I still remember the boy
who looked me expecting nothing
except me
the smoke envelopes me
whistling my name
and I move in closer
closer to this warmth
this all consuming
all encompassing fire
but I am scared
I am so scared of the thought of burning out
or becoming engulfed
only to discover
that these flames are not what I want
so I run
I run far away
to safe
monotonous
empty "love"

and as I watched him fall in love under the autumn leaves
tending my scorched soul
dragging my feet along these empty hallways
realizing I destroyed my own heart
and I left it black and blue
One side of my life is alive, the other is dead
I'm walking down the road trying to upgrade
Half of me is in a light but there's darkness in my head
I can do nothing though I pity those going days without bread
While the haves just flip through those pages I've read
They never see the floods and slides cause they read about business till their eyes' red
A part of me believes that I will make it through
Yet the louder part really doubts that is true
All I've done since is cease every opportunity by the beard
Because they claim he is bald behind
Worked my finger to the bone to be kind
For besides failure, there's nothing else I've much feared
Albeit the motor of my courage keeps breaking soon as its geared
You cannot guess the number of times I ain't cried when my eyes are teared

Take it from the racer, take it from a chaser
Take it from a player or pick it from the game
Take it from the greater, even from the lesser
Yes you might be better, but you might miss a lesson

Part of me gave up sometime back, the other says hard luck
I cannot swim across that ocean, not even like the ducks
I've seen less illumination and more of the dark
My road is filled with mud puzzles,once or twice I stuck in that muck
I struggle to survive, I'll hustle till the day I arrive
I'm like the worlds most wanted, karma wants me dead
But life thinks that's fair so she wants me alive
Unless I hit the canvas I won't throw the gauntlet
I might lack tributaries, I won't run out of faith through doubt outlet
All doors seems closed, I know there's one that got me here
The race is getting tougher so the finishing line should be near
Sometimes the sky is cloudy, sometimes It's clear
Some days I'm stressed without a solution, sometimes It's bear
Yeah

Take it from racer, take it from a chaser
Take it from a player or pick it from the game
Take it from the greater, even from the lesser
Yes you might be better, but you might miss a lesson
 Sep 2015 Antoinette G
Kripi
I spend too much time thinking about
Who you are supposed to be
You are like the air I breathe
Oh what you have done to me

Your eyes and smile
The best they shine
Wait a while
They make me ask*
Will you be mine?
 Sep 2015 Antoinette G
Lily
Thoughts
 Sep 2015 Antoinette G
Lily
If thoughts could be weighed and sold,
I'd be a millionaire by now.

But it can't so instead i'm an amateur poet.


Leigh Herondale  *August 2015
 Sep 2015 Antoinette G
Riya
Bout.
 Sep 2015 Antoinette G
Riya
It’s my 18th birthday today, love.
I beat you.
I finally did it.

Remember baby,
how we used to fight,
We used to play and compete
And how I used to whine,
Never gaining a single victory.
You always gloated,
Always rubbed it in my face.
In the end you always told me,
“My biggest achievement is you babe”
and tears would fall down
Staining my cheeks.
These tears never went away,
But you did.

Baby you promised!
You said we were forever!
So why did you leave me defenceless?!
I don’t like this game baby.
You win, I lose.
please don’t let my agonising anguish continue.

I wanted to win darling,
But not like this.
Not with you sleeping
Six feet
In a ***** damp ditch.
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