Don't let this self-effacing exterior fool you
I am meglo-maniac in the making
Social media the perfect introvert's mask
Reinventing myself daily
Vanessa Ives, girl-about-town, quirky geek
An attention *****
******* in the digital wind
For a like, a follow, a retweet.

I miss the sheer height of you
And the breadth (of your knowledge)
And putting my arms around the width of you.

I miss the whole of you
The body and soul of you.

I want to flay my skin
Rid myself of all that is surface deep
Throw off my flesh like a coat
Feel raw pain as air hits nerve
See my endoskeleton of muscle and ligament
Heart pumping blood through artery and vein
I'd pluck it out still beating
And lay it on the butchers block
Alongside kidneys, liver, guts
An offal offering
Consume me my darling
'Til there's nothing left save bone.

I swam in your seas
Dived depths to plunder treasures
From the dark ocean floor
Felt the tumult of your soul crash over me
Floated with you on calm blue waters warmed by the sun
Lapping waves rhythmically revealing belly, breast, pearlescent scales, hair red as flame.

Your lips formed a half-smile
As you sang your siren song
And I surrendered myself to an eternity of pleasures
Now I am cast adrift, rudderless
No horizon in sight
Endlessly searching for a glimpse of you.

An empty room lies waiting
Cold, curtain drawn but clean
Hiding lust in unseen corners
Away from the white bulb glare
No floorboard creaking, mattress squeaking
Life speaking

We've given each other the knives
And access to the **** in our sides
For small slow twists of the blade
Isn't that how love is made?

I once compared you to the shipping forecast
A soothing distraction for an unsettled mind
But this was not a low
You were the one who left me drowning
Threw me a lifebelt and a shark whistle
And told me to save myself
He was the one who never gave up the search
Found me and hoisted me to dry land.

I lost myself in you and can't get myself back
My soul like so many pieces of driftwood
Carried away on the waves
All out at sea.