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Lizzie Feb 2020
I never thought I'd break my heart o'er a man,
But now daddy's death -- well, it can.
No one loved me like my dad did,
No one loved my dad as I did.

Now see, he weren't my real daddy,
But I know this, he ought to be.
It was more than music which born us close.
Whatter was? I don't quite know.

I met him for the love of music,
At that time, only for music.
I'd play and learn, and when not,
I'd put off lessons so I want caught.

But something grew there somehow
My teacher said, "Don't pay no more."
I didn't pay, and I didn't play,
At least not for me, but him.

Dont get me wrong, I loved my banjo,
But more I loved his smile so,
When I played, it were t'make him proud.
He always smiled, even when I failed.

Then one day he said, "I got this disease,
Wrecks my body - it's called CRP.
Can't move my arm no more at all,
Can't play that banjo on the wall.

So dear daughter, I want you to take
My banjo and play it for my sake."
It were't a beautiful banjo from head to neck
And sounded true in every fret.

So I took his picker and he my heart
Though it was his from the start.
I had no dad and him no daughter.
I think we was made for th'otter.

But work came, and college, too.
I saw him fewer, fewer, few.
I didn't write, I didn't call,
I barely played for him at all.

When I came back, he smiled his smile
"Hello, dear daughter, it's been awhile. "
We couldn't hug like old because
His body wasn't what it was.

I played for him, but played all wrong,
I messed up song and song and song,
"I'm sorry dad, I'm really rusty,
Life has kept me way too busy."
Although in my heart I knew,
It weren't completely true.

"I missed you daughter, it's okay,
You'll play better this next Saturday."
He smiled and laughed when it was said.
But it weren't true. Tuesday he was dead.

I met him for the love of music.
Loved music for the love of him.
But now that my dad is gone,
How will I ever play again?
Lizzie Feb 2020
All that kept her going then
Was to look forward to when
She could finally go to bed
With the Nightmares in her head.

No Horrors that plague the night
Could compare to those of her life.
"Truth is stranger than fiction"
And Reality worse than dream strife.

The minutes ticked much too slow -
Or maybe her heart beat too fast,
But either way it seemed her life
Wouldn't end and wouldn't last.

And so she counted on the days
(Or rather the phases of the pain).
Time went on and yet stayed still;
No change took place to make Time real.

The Woman found she couldn't tell
If she had died and gone to Hell,
Or if Hell had come to Earth,
Though neither place could be worse.

At last sweet Death heard her cry,
As her grave seems to imply.
Or maybe she is wandering still
Tied down by her twisted Will.
Lizzie Feb 2020
My bravery is spent,
My courage is gone,
My confidence is rent,
'Cause everything went wrong.

How can I beleive
And how can I dream
When there's Nothing left for me?

The only Happiness I have,
The only hope that I'll find,
Is accepting what is gone,
And leaving Hope behind.

Sometimes there's a hard line
Between Realism and Despair,
But other times that line seems to disappear.
Lizzie Feb 2020
It's not Your fault; You're just the epitome,
The manifestation of this society,
Or maybe the race as a whole -
From start to end, You played this role.

After all, was not Noah the sole fool
Who loved the Lord and became His tool?
And the sinful world around him jeered -
Lonesome Noah was thought quite weird.

You represent all my social trauma,
My insecurities and highschool drama.
You have everything I want to be.
I lie in chains but you are free.

Socrates, too, was condemned by You,
Killed with poison for the truth he knew.
You said it was for the good, but no,
It was Your pride that acted so.

You're popular, sporty, pretty, small.
I'm lonely, artsy, ugly, tall.
You do bad things and the teachers love you.
I do my best and... nothing.

Jesus was rejected by his own kind,
The Jews who had once been blind.
They mocked Him who deserved their praise,
Thanked His mercy with a wooden raise.

You're showy, bratty, loud, and cruel.
I'm nervous, friendly, quiet, a fool.
Wherever you go, you find friends.
I act like you and my hole deepens.

No, I'm not Noah nor Socrates,
Not Jesus or who else you please,
But I'm in a similar boat as they.
Tears and pain wash me today.

All the pain I feel inside my heart
Is worsened when You play Your part.
You're like all the others, but I chose
The model as the cause of my woe.
A jealous person tries to justify their hatred of someone with more popularity than them.
Lizzie Feb 2020
I'm feeling so bitter, so ugly.
These gross feelings that torment -
        Like an addict,  I welcome them,
But reluctant, and hating every second.
  I find I cannot let go
Of the passions that I grasp.
             I'm an evil soul, inside and out.
Oh help me, God, I am so lost!
Lost in the confusing swirl
Of right and wrong and grey.
The truth is found by reason,
               But the same can justify hate.
Oh, my God, oh, my God:
I beg for all the things to *****
And out, out, to go and free -
Give me liberty from this plague
      Which is me.
Lizzie Aug 2018
Sometimes in life we must go our sep'rate ways,
And I hope you understand that that's ok.
I wanna thank you for all you've done for me,
And dont you ever say that you're sorry
'Cause there's only one thing I want to be:
A smile-worthy person in your memory.

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss
  Aug 2018 Lizzie
J B Moore
He was a man of ambition, a goofy look on his face,
He had just arrived to a new and foreign place.

But this was a cold place, masked by the sun
It beat him down until he wanted to run.

He was looking for love, lost and alone,
So he clung to the first girl he could call home.

When they first met it was love at first look.
If love is a drug then oh, boy, was he hooked.

He couldn’t get enough, but she couldn’t care less
He was unaware that his world was a mess.

They tried to warn him, but couldn’t get through.
His world was a lie he insisted was true.

She turned him against them when they persisted.
She toyed with his heart and got his mind all twisted.

Abused and berated he still thought it was right
Even though all they could do was fight.

Over time we had to leave him to his devices
Only he could find the way to conquer the crisis.

Once, I checked up on him to see how he was
It was the same drug different name, for that’s what he does.

It’s not offten you witness an abusive addiction,
But a drug like love can be a strange affliction.

8/20/18
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