it's hard to pinpoint the exact time and place at which i messed up,
at which i suddenly shrunk in appeal,
at least in your eyes.

but it's somewhere.
somewhere in those 26 weeks,
maybe towards the middle,
perhaps near the end.

i don't know if this is the part where i apologize;
as a matter of fact, i don't even know if this is the type of thing you apologize for.
but either way, i will.
i'm sorry.
that we didn't work out.
that you've likely forgotten my face, forgotten my voice.
that i haven't forgotten yours.
that i couldn't be what you wanted.

i've been wanting to ask you how you feel about change.
i want to know all your regrets,
all your deepest fears, darkest memories.
but i know you wouldn't answer.

i've been wanting to ask you how you feel about change,
and if you were to ask me the same question,
i might give another apology.
because endings come so soon and i know i could've been better.
i wanted to be better.

//

on some days i know i was enough.
on other days i hope i was enough.
and on the rest of the days, i can't bring myself to care even when i should.

we forget people too quickly, i think.
and yet, at the same time, not quickly enough.

maybe i'll find some comfort in the fact that we'll both become ghosts to the people that we were too afraid to disappoint.

but even then you'll walk right through me.

(a.m.)

When I was younger
I told my parents
That I wanted to touch a star
And they told me
To embrace one
With open arms.
Maybe that's why
When I hold you
And my chest burns,
And my mind spins,
I don't let go.