We've all been called names.
Fighting every single game.
With nothing to gain.

Today I heard the word "gay"..
Of course it was being used in the wrong way..

I also heard "******."
What gives you the right to say that?

I heard multiple people call themselves fat..
What sense is that?

Do you honestly think that?

You are truly beautiful the way you are. And don't let anyone tell you that you aren't.

******* society.

I'm changing today.
You are in shock and dismay?
Well, that's great.
Because, I'll do whatever it takes.
I'm saying sorry.
And hoping you'll forgive.
Because, we all make mistakes.
And I'm not grey anymore.
I'm sorry, Jess.
I'm sorry, Laura.
And
I'm sorry, Kaitlin
I'm sorry, Elizabeth
You know what?
I'm sorry to anyone who has been hurt by me.
But this is what change means.

It's hard to fall asleep without you.
Guess I never thought this weekend
would be so hard..
It's dark and I'm alone..
And I'm thinking about you..
Yeah.. You know I love you?
With everything I have?
Every part of me craves you.
And Monday can not come soon enough.

You whisper to him...

"I love you.."

I whisper to her..

"I love you.."

What if it's you I love?

What if it's you that I want?

I dream..

You whisper to me...

*"I love you.."

It's like I realized that way down inside, I've always been lonely for something.
But, I don't know what for.
It's like everybody in the world wants something.
Only they never really know exactly what it is - they just keep finding out what it's not.
You know how, when you turn the TV off or you come out of some concert, and everything feels empty?
Like you thought that it'd be what you wanted then wasn't?

Some Autumn evening..
I grabbed a cigarette.
Lit it without thinking.
A few years after..
Another Autumn day..
I met you.
I love you daily.
Without thinking
Because who knows?
One day, you may replace...
My pack of Marlboro Menthols.

It's not ruined
If it is...
You're the one
who ruined it.

Although you aren't my real mother
You give me what real moms do
You're my sister and my best friend
I'd be on the streets if it weren't for you
I appreciate everything you do
From the roof over my head,
to the money shared
and being well fed
Happy mother's day, and
thank you for being my mother figure

Creating a character.
Its perfect dialogue.
Turn the page.
Find out what's next.
Read about his horrid past..
One that didn't last.
Find out that you were wrong all along.
That the hangovers don't last.
And sobriety comes fast.

You said you'd never give up on me..
That is until you left.
I'll never be able to take back
all the things that I regret..
Although, there are things I'm missing..
The things I thought I'd never forget.
But, you left.

You left me in tears..
With this whole world to fear..

I've got this gaping hole
in my heart.
And it's tearing me apart.

It'll never be the way it used to be.
It's not the way it appeared to be.

Because, you changed..
And left me.

You try to play me like a fool...

But, I'm not as dumb as you.

You're too pretentious..

Too hipster.

Stop pretending that you are perfect

You can..

     act
              sing

**But, I was getting so sick of that ******* ukelele.

how many times did i tell you it'd be okay?
more than i wanted

how many times did you wonder if i was not enough for you?
more than i wanted

how many times did i think you'd leave?
more than i wanted

i was more than you wanted

You sound like a crazy pyro-maniac.
That's all too true.
Funny.
How midnight skies turn blue.
And you're too busy setting this world on fire.
You're inner demons are shining through.  
Just grow up.
And be you.
Don't let other people catch you.
BE YOURSELF.
*Not someone else.

You always write poems about hating kids..
Or ****** abuse..

Why can't you get a clue?

I've had enough of you.

You treat everyone like ****.

You say you hate everyone.

It's kind of tiring.

I'm not the only one who thinks so.

Others do too..

You just need to grow up..

Realize that hurting people..

Doesn't and Shouldn't help you through..

So please change..

Because, I've had enough of your ******* too.

Do you ever look in the mirror,
and question what you're doing wrong?

I looked in the mirror today.
I thought nothing changed.

But, things changed.

I lost a teacher to cancer.
I lost my care.
I lost my compassion.

Did you ever wonder what's out there?

I did.

But, then I quit thinking.

Because it killed me.

She was the new girl
The shy girl
The one I hadn't quite met yet

She was the soft girl
The quiet soft spoken girl
She is the girl I have fallen for

She is the beautiful girl
The Christian girl
She is the girl I want to be with

She is the hurt girl
Heart ripped out by a past love girl
I can and will love her with all I have

Franz Kafka once said, "You are at once both the quiet and the confusion of my heart."
I'll have to agree
I love in silence
Or through words
In lines of poetry
Confused about whether or not
I can ever stop loving you truly
I can't.
I don't really sing
But I'll sing you songs with my acoustic
Wearing a flannel, sleeves rolled up
It's a universally attractive thing
I guess it's fair to say I'm confused and quiet
Yet understanding and willing to start a riot...
Just for you.

Apologies..
They don't mean a thing.
Even if they mean everything.
I do want to apologize..
For making you my realize my horrible side.

You don't see it, or understand it
I could frankly care less if you do

From the depths of my heart 
Referring it to as an ocean
It forms a tsunami when I'm around you

From the depths of my heart
Referring to it astronomically
Millions of shooting stars run across the sky for you

From the depths of my heart
Referring it to everything we are
We are love, in the finest forms.

I'm so glad we've started over.

I'm glad we're forgetting the past.

I've been thinking.

Why are you still here for me?

Just leave.

You deserve better.

Heartbeat racing.
Nerves shaking
We only have one day left..
Until I strum a few chords..
And read a few words.
My brain is filled to the brim with thoughts.
What will I have lost?
Nothing I thought.
So just practice.

i traced the lines of your lips

your fingertips

and fireworks exploded in my chest

i never thought home would mean this

home is your arms

my home is you

my biggest fear used to be love

and now its the fear of losing yours

i remember the first time

i told you i loved you

it was two weeks in

and i was certain

its been two months

and i have never been more right

home.....

that is where i want to be...

**right now.

There's

A

Gap

In

Us.

Lost

In

No

Trust.


Y
  O
     U

A
   R
      E

M
    Y

E
   V
      E
         R
            Y
               T
                  H
                      ING.

i'm going mad

i put down two runs of reg meat,
a run of quarter meat,
and hell some grilled chicken.

in my dreams
i hear the grill timers going off
i hear the beeping of the cabinets
i hear the loud scream of the microwave

i'm going mad

A shriek,
A muffled scream,
A thump
Wicked dreams.
A touch.
Sparks fly
Never a good thing.
Whispers vibrating around
Do you hear that crazy sound?
Fire breaks
As night falls
Crimson running
The way your tears spilled onto your cheeks
Right before your heart
stopped.
I breathe deeply
Sigh softly
I cry the way you used to
But it's not enough.
It gleams under the moonlight,
your shadow stalks me
as i whimper
I stop
I ponder
What can I do?
To stop you...
or maybe,
its just to late.
but ill try either way.
To save myself
And get you some help
Help...
a foreign term to me.
when i need it most-gone
when i need it least-there
When I try hard enough
I'm fine
all i need
*is me.

Yesterday* you passed away.
No matter what I say..
It doesn't take the pain away..
You were my teacher..
No matter how bad you were treated..
You still were amazing.
And I want to thank you..
Wherever you are.
And you are always in my heart.

The way you said goodbye..

Left me like a dead tree branch on the inside.

Never thought you'd leave..

But, then it hit me.

Square in the face..

That nobody could ever replace...

You.

And I looked into your eyes.

Well, I never pictured
what was inside..

And that I am sorry for.

For ruining your life..

And that also kills me inside.

I'm sorry for hurting...

You.

I am the chorus..

You are the verse.

He's the bridge.

She's the intro.

We fit better...

**Together..

I'm lazy.

I'm ugly.

I'm fat.

I'm crazy.*

Go away.

You're obsessed with your boyfriend.

Who is rude.

Stop mocking my poetry.

It hurts.

Sweet Honesty Elizabeth.
Oh what I want to tell you is..
That I love you so..
And you don't even know.
You make me think that I can be almost anything.
Believe
You need to hear a few things from me.
That things are crazy..
Be there for me?
I'll be there for you, too.
I know you get stressed..
But you NEVER fail to impress..
Your elegant beauty...
Just stuns me..
Just never stop believing...
*In yourself..

You burned the picture I made..

It hurts me in a way.

Why?

I don't know.

Probably because I spent time on it.

But, it was worthless.

We're both looking for better things.

(Despite your damaging UV rays).

I heard when you play with fire..

You're bound to get burned.

Too bad I was left with the scar.

Because, I wanted to forget.

And move on.

I depend on you.
You get me through.
I don't know what I'd do...
without
*you.

I haven't picked up the pen
in quite some time

It seems as if I'm forgetting
that poetry is everything I used to be

Writing was my escape
And now I feel more than I can take

Now, I'm picking up the pen
Telling my emotions

Explaining the writers block that controlled me

I will finally start again

Maybe...
I don't wanna say goodbye..
Maybe I want you in my life.
I want you to be there throughout my changes.
I'm truly sorry..
Can you ever forgive me?
Its okay if you don't..
I just want you to know..
I care.
And, I want you here..

Row..
Doe..
I have to mow.
There's a crow on that show with a bow.
That's all I know.

Suicide is never worth it.

You aren't worthless.

Just smile.

The first time I said I love you was on January 30th of 2015
It was just a short two months
I wished it would've been longer

I remember the first night
You held me
I remember the way you brought me to your room
Grabbed my hand
Grinned

I read the poems I gave you aloud
The first time you kissed me it felt like fireworks
You told me you loved me

Valentines day
The greatest valentines day I've ever had
I read your card so many times it made me cry
I remember feeling so bad because my sister wouldn't give you a ride
But you reassured me it'd be alright
And at that time I kissed you harder than any other time before

The day we broke up
although it happened quite a few times
was one I'd never forget
I cried so hard

I think about you now
Everyday
I think about the way fireworks exploded when you kissed me
I think about the vanilla scent I used to love so much

I still ******* miss you, and I'm trying to move on but you won't let me

If you thought
this poem is
about you...

You were wrong.

It's hard to tell you how I feel.
Because, I love you.
And, you hate me.
It's stressful.
Because, I know I'll never be with you.
And that's what kills me.

I'm not confused.
Nor jealous.

I know they're happy.
I'm happy for them.

I am hurt but not by her.

By everything else in this world.

I'm not hurting you.
Not hurting her.

So don't..

Write

Poems

About

Me.

You are my mom.
You are supposed to accept me
Respect who I can be.
Your words feel like knives in my back.
But, watch as I fade to black.
I've lost all trust in the mother I once loved.
Will I ever be enough?
Why can't you do what mothers do?
Be there to help me through?
You are so unreliable.
Always in denial.
Your boyfriend is crazy.
Did you ever once think, that maybe he'd hurt you?
Or me too?
He's a fool.
And guess what?

You are too.

today i picked you some wildflowers
i saw them there on the side of the road on my way to you

i flashed back to a time when we first met
when my heart was so cold and my brain
was so blue

i sat there staring at those flowers
they were absolutely breathtaking
just like the first moment i saw you

sky blue eyes, sunshine smile

and in that moment
i knew you’d take the hurt and the pain,
and turn it into something..

...absolutely breathtaking

and in that moment
you pushed me to be something
better than i’ve ever been

whenever i see wildflowers,
no matter where,
i’ll always think of the breathtaking you
the person who helped me through

© Levi Andrew

A ray of light cuts through water at a vertical angle,
and in that moment you wonder if you really understand the things you thought you did,
or is it all just a mathematical equation?
Does it all add up?
You see the water look like tiny beads of light,
and you have now realized how you don't know your next move,
how lost you truly are
You question those around you,
paranoia kicks in,
and you're alone.
This world is setting you up for disaster
And, I'm not supposed to say this...
But, you're not the only one.

Oh my God.
Lord almighty.

Go away.

You treat me like ****.

Like everything I do,
you're just sick of it.

And, I haven't hurt you.

I haven't lied to you.

As far as I can see,
you've been hurting me.

Making me feel worthless.

I just can't take it.

Two people that I thought
would never hate me,  do.

I can't blame it all on you..

Most of it's me.

And that's the truth.

I try so hard for you
You don't try hard enough back

I hurt so bad because all I've wanted
is to be good enough for you.

You don't stand on a busy street corner in the middle of downtown
and scream, "you're such a ******."

Well lucky for you I already know.

I'm trans and its not because of my sisters boyfriend.

You scream at me for things that you told me I could do

Dyeing my hair? What's the big deal?

You're as transparent as ******* saran wrap.

Parenting crap? Oh yeah you don't want any of that.

Get up. And get the **** out of my life because I will get better and I can't do that if you're here.