One lifetime ago
When the dream was the only heaven I knew
Twenties is the hardest and the simplest time

I was not the only
Girl who lost her mind
Crossed the line
Risk the life and afterlife

And here I stand
Next to someone with a good rep
Trade the tears as event price
Just to take me back to the track
And for that I owe you a thank



100224
Bella, intern of The Tortured Poets Department

I turn twenty-six and sit here all alone
Even the closest one I chose to say no words
Cause I find no reason why should they know

People on the internet are crying over this
But I chose it with all my elegies
Too much space too many strangers
Wish I could have a party inside my castle

No one gives me the warmest hug but myself
who knows it shake my hands and that's all I deserve

When I turned twenty-six and nobody knows
All I wish is you appear with your vows

PS: Happy Birthday to ME!
190522

It's tasteless
the hello, the smile, and everything you do

still haunted by the blast of that fast fancy little train
willing to feel it again is a kind of luxury
not more come again
210322

A homeless woman stray the road alone
her arms is the only one who hug her coldness
she was in a peak of pleasure once
when the rollercoaster bring her touch the sky
loose every burden, forget every wound and fly

If you see a butterfly in the sky
don't ask her to fight
cause when time turns the table
she turn herself as a snake, or a dragon

If you see a butterfly who turned to be a snake
don't ask her what why
ask her what happened, instead

Because fragile wings can't save my life, she said
and my beauty call the devil to destroy me in the nick of time

250122.BDG

It's kinda weird.
This wide smile.
Not because of you.

It's kinda weird.
This cute story.
No share it with you.

It's kinda weird.
Kissing in the rain.
But the lips is not yours.

It's kinda weird.
To live every second.
And you're not around.

19022022. BDG

as our blood dripping from the rope tied our hands
as the warmth in the eyes can never stop us to dance
it made us blind, deaf, and lost our minds
but baby if it doesn't, why I keep calling you mine

you are the one who the most bleeding
you are the castle I sold for nothing
this leaving is a dagger I've been hold
day and night wondering where to put it on
is it on your chest or in the center of my soul

as you're the prey and I'm the archer
wish I could stay and build our castle
tied together with a vow with you
but they don't know an arrow can bleed too

as your hug is the warmest touch
shoted gun, closed eye and our  blood
as between your arms is the only place I call it home

You choose to be fearless when it's the only thing you have
Facing your fears, walk through the dark road with a single match
Forbid yourself from looking back when the first step is taken
Left your bright castle as it never let you fly again

But tell me how to unlearn all the feeling you gave
I stuck in my mind like a widow right beside the fresh grave
The cries once fell in your shoulder and won't be a past
Somehow we need to live with the wound even if it forever last

030222
BDG

The thing that I hate the most in every relationship is, when I get a think that I am the only one who come to them. I wish a take and give relationship. Seeing how they so settle without me, and don’t wanna call me makes me feel so so so bad. Like, so it’s all on me. You talk to me only if I come and say hi first. If I’m away you won’t look for me. I lost my price in your eyes. I feel abandoned. The magic is not here anymore. ☹
I should’ve known. I am not his lose-soul. He don’t need me to be happy. He don’t need me to relieve his pain. He don’t need me as much as I need him. He keep giving but fortunately I can’t give him the thing he want the most. He enough himself from me. He hate texting it makes him drain. The magic is not here anymore.
The spring is gone, the hot summer floated away, and your intention changed faster than the color of those trees. The magic is not here anymore.

I chose to be fearless now
Facing my fears, walking the dark road with a box of matches
I forbid to look back when I take the first step
Left my brightest castle cause it never let me fly again

But how can I unlearn all the feeling you gave
Now I stuck in my mind like a widow in a grave
The cries once fell in your shoulder and won't be a past
But somehow we have to live with the wound even if it forever last

You're my new battlefield I was afraid to step in
Because I won't lose when I fight

But I can feel the magic
The butterfly and question mark
Why are you so "me"?

It is still hurt when I looked back
Maybe the ghost from my old self blew the pain
Or maybe your voice was too loud pointing disappoint

Should I say sorry to the shoes I can't fit in?
Should I hold the guilt when I know what's best for me?
Should you twist me and tell the world I did the wrong?
And should it exist, the conversation for what didn't belong?

And for a while I call your name to let you know
that I am not sorry

Can you just stay little way longer
Can I hold your hand forever
And if you could stay and not be stranger
Why I can't call you my lover

I think about anything I can do
to guard our castle from dragon from shade of blue

Sixth years, six hundred feelings
I don't know anything else that I needed
Your heart is a castle, diamond, and bliss
And I'm a beggar who say, "I don't deserve this"
But how I can get rid of your kiss
When this love is all the treasure I ever wish

here's a never ending war of our kingdom
A battle between lusted heart and wisest wisdom
Here's lying warriors and their swords
Cause I'm a chained rapunzel and you are peter from a neverland

My fury burn the city in silences
And you sitting there with hundred compliances
Once we talked about black world, white lies, and a huge Grey Ocean
As we are the mermaid whose fins broken

Don't you know the palace is longing for us
Where the ocean ain't grey but crystal blush
I said, "Let's climb the mountain together and win"
You nodded then crashed me like sin

The road are wide
we drive crazily, cross the red light
Thaught we could get there on time
But no single trust come if we live in Grey Ocean

December last year was so damped and fogged
But this year sun bright like I am in the middle of spring

Are December always a month of emotion,
A road to drown in delicate-delusion
As a rose drink poisoning poison
Realize I give so much attention to the thing I can't hold forever
Instead my wish is "never say never"

Anywhere this all gonna lead us to,
I just wanna let you remember my words
You are amazing and God sent you
To be my muse, you revoluted my world

What should be prepare for a goodbye
Is there even good in a bye?
And what about December next year and after
Shall I fake my heart remember?

My Kee,
hope I understand you as you understood me


Dec,2018

Finally I could sit next to you. See the world at the place you are. Then I know it obviously different, my place and yours, make us see everything by different eyes.

Every second is a chance. Every spot is a lessons. for those who open their mind and heart.

Would you come and see how the world looks like from my place?
But there, nobody borrow you his eyes. You have to see by your own. But from my place.
Would you?


251118.08:31pm

I've been awaken by an October wind, that a person born and called by an unique name
Lead to the titles of a supreme Lady for the whole age
It's a phrase means totality of purity
Of a human-goddess, a manifest of pious and dignity
A timeless borderless definition of worship and humanity

So here I am, start what to say by her name
I wish world never blur you that common ain't mean the same
Somehow what had been hoped is what people placed
No except name, and the reason why they chose it and gave

By the flame of the biggest fight inside every soul
Understanding heart, mind and their role
On the lifetime war, the way to reach the life-goal
I hope you always you, a person I adore

Because, what we'll get at the finish line is what we feel right where we in
Our soul, we must keep its origin
Unless you gotta loose your chance and never win


I refuse to say that we were
No more than two teenager
met and grumbled the world in same anger
and criticized people at love-garden's corner
In dozens conversations after prayer
Oh, do you remember?

I wish we aren't just become older then be the things we always curse and grumble
I wish we are history in order
I wish there's a thing to do to make world better

Cause twenties is a gate of matureness
The age when you friend with reality, also calmness
It's a state after bursting hormone of interest in teens
It's a spring flowers of mind and of the way you see things
You might go wrong but you need to go on
Figure out every wasted-second and  words before it'll be spoken

I know you will keep the origin, stay remarkable
As an unique connection of ours,
sparks, flashes, yet stay forever
Then if koi and whale's destiny is unity
This poetry never bring any jealousy
Just a remark of twenty second of October
A pity birthday-ish words written after summer
At a spot distances by thousands kilometers
To wish you to be a more patient girl,
greater and stronger
Also,

live wisely ever after.


Happy Batul-day. Wuatb. :)


Oct, 20th '18. Qom, Iran.

Love,
a word that spread off the whole world
sometimes a million people try to make it looks good
sometimes they just hang on a big misunderstood

i looked back on a corner and saw how people mean it
the most just thinking the rest are always show it
they said
love, when you give and give

love is every sweat wetting your father's skin
it's a smile from your mom even when she's hurting
it's a hugs and kisses from your grandas while see you coming

and when you grow and see the world behind your door home
you will find other kind of love
you'll see some people who always say hello
take you to their secret room and spend the time together
it's a friendship, neither lie nor a shelter

the last but not least,
let me wishper and end the list
that love is kind of simple, altough
it maybe unlogic and unpredictable
you don't have to worry or screaming a rebel
just show your love, cause if not, it looks like a riddle



A day in 2014

Let's loving in silence
enough the wind wishper you what's happened
and the moon tell me what's happened
close the eyes and listen to the sounds inside

let's loving in silence
where there's no time or space limiting
where we smile together with those stars sparkling
I follow the rule you holding
and now we loving in silence

this also gave me some lessons
that Love is love.
no matter where it takes place,
what you name it,
how it comes and  go,
how it's being told,
or how we celebrate it.

How pathetic someone is fell,
it's just love and always be love.
and I'm pathetically love you, Love


210117

The part of my heart that you'd have taken

I know it still there hanging around with your vein

You're the first guy who queened me in numbered days

O God, is this feeling not supposed to be felt?

Maybe you don't remember me again

And live happily overthere absenting my name

But in my universe, you're immortal

But forget me if it makes you better

When the time comes, we will delete each other

As we did for someone came earlier

Have a nice day, my lover



A damp heart in a damp room, 2017. 07:33.

-edited in Aug 2018-

The ice of silence ain't melt

Isn't rose bloom along the year?

O garden of grateful flower

You might a Daffodil, Lily, Sunflower

Would you blossom and tell me a fairytale,

I'd tell you about the storm and creepy sense

Beneath a friendly shower of the rain

Which colder than any snow in December,

I won't remember

The knife doesn't **** the roses yet

Even it sharper than time

Lead to the word of immortal

It's unstoppable




140218. 15:23

Every heart has their own fight

Like every tree stand upon the wind

Life is an exam nobody could cheating

Cause nobody has the same paper


So we absolutely have no right to do these acts:
compare, judge, envy and bad sight

Cause we never know
What kinda pain hidden behind every smile

Maybe one lost his/her beloved ones, but would we envy with their cries?

We wasn't there
When someone decided to not give up and chose to fight

Hello September
Never ask me "what you remember"
Cause I just wanna some recover
Wishing tomorrow will be better
This world yeah full of bitter
But isn't coffee yet forever
Always there beside a great thinker

I don't know where my ink set of
Who knows I'll meet some little laugh?
It's not a song neither a vow
A wishper heard from gloomy soul

Hello September
Welcome new chapter
This tricky world hate a dreamer
But never forget you have The Bigger

For you who born, grow up and die
Stop grumbling, look at the sky
Stop the tears, dry it with bright smile
Cause everyone makes mistake
But doesn't mean no one can't change

2.9.16|00.31

Butterflies in stomach about to fly

As they escape and greet the sky

years lived inside,

made thousand laughs and cries

oh God is it now the real goodbye?

yesterday I found a silly word said

no matter it's your first or the second rain

waiting a rainbow come will drive you bored

so let's dance in the storm, O gloomy soul


140717|22.37
Esf.