Today I take my first step  toward freedom
Letting go of what I assume to be true
Letting go of the lies I have lived by.
 
Today, I take back my freedom.
I take back my personal power to choose
To follow my inner most guide.
 
Today I choose to reclaim my thoughts.
Today I choose to reclaim my feelings.
Today I choose to reclaim my physical body.
With my Spirit of Breath, Heart & Wisdom.
Today I choose to be whole!

See, smell, hold it, feel it,
Strum it, remember.
I see you  siting on the couch in the family room.
We are playing and signing together.

These are some of my happiest memories of you
This guitar, with it's four strings
With a rattling inside
Turning it from front to back
Back to front again and again
This 1938 Martin Tenor Guitar
My father held and played for hours
Weddings, family gatherings, holidays
And just because it was a Monday.
A family home for the evening - singing.
I was always the last one to leave.
"Play me another song, dad. Please!"

Rattling rattle, what's inside?
Turning, shaking
Reaching for the sound
Deep inside with my fingers
There it is! Got it!
What is it?

Look at this!
It's my dad's guitar pick!
A picture of a palm tree and  "Fender Heavy"
Stamped into an old plastic pick
Tucked into this Tenor Guitar for safe keeping.

Tears swelling to overflowing
Spilling from my eyes
I hear him picking, singing
It is so soothing.

To  His little girl's delight
Turning the guitar face side up
placing my left hand on the neck
Feeling, ******* the cords he taught me
Going through each one of them
One by one.

Is the pain and suffering    
that comes from our generational weaknesses.
Born from the stuffings of our ancestors.
The pain and suffering they are not able to resolve
Is a gift for the next generation.

The choice to resolve or not to resolve
Is ours alone to make.
If we choose to resolve, it is a gift.
If we choose not to resolve, this too is a gift.

For more generations will follow
To make the same choice.
Stepping into this life
Fully aware of the new strengths
They will gain and pass on
to the generations ahead.

If they step into darkness
While holding on to courage.
For both strengths and weaknesses
Are blessed gifts.

One to bring us to our knees
And the other to lift us up.

When I feel like quitting
I tell myself, "Take just one more step."
Then I do it.

And then again
When I feel like quitting
I tell myself, "And then take another
"Just one more step."
Then I do it again.

And again when I feel like quitting
I say, "Self, take another,
"Just one more step."
Then I do it again and again.

I keep talking to myself
And I keep going
Again and again and again.

Until there is just one more step to take
And then I say,
"Self you can do it. Take Just one more step!"
As I step into my, "I did it!"

I celebrate and celebrate
All the while
My mind is thinking
"Self, What is  next? Let's do it again!"

I was tired today.
A long night it was.
He tossed and turned.
I tossed and turned.
The room was hot.
The room was cold.
It seemed the sun rose too soon.

Up the stairs
With Creaky knees.
At least the left hip is not sore yet.
Mind over matter, "Walk. Walk. Walk!"
Commanding myself to Step on the floor surely.
Keep going
Just a few more steps.
Keep it up,"Walk, walk, walk!"
Keep moving hip!
Maybe the pain will go away.

Why am I so sore?
Louis Hayes says,
"Fear of going forward in major decisions.
Nothing to move forward to."
Hum, is this really so?

Yes, I do feel like I am being still.
After all, it doesn't hurt when I am still.
Or does it?

Yet, I keep moving
In spite of my musings.