I want to write about you.
I want to write about how I order coffee now just to be reminded of your eyes.

I want to write about you.
I want to write about how your dimples make me melt into a puddle as you smile.

I want to write about you.
I want to write about how although you're lanky and your height is awkward, you still fit perfectly with me.

I want to write about you.
I want to write about how when you grip my hair in your hands as you kiss me it makes my body want more.

I want to write about you.
I want to write about how you're different from every other one I've ever been with, different from every other I've ever run away from.

I want to write about you.
I want to write about how gentle you were when you touched me, when you held me, when you looked at me.

I want to write about you.
I want to write about the way you looked at me, the way you looked at me as if love could exist, as if love does exist.

I want to write about you.
I want to write about how since I lost you this is the only way I can still have you.

But when you see the stars,
Do you think of us?

Do you remember when you breathed life into me, and ignited a fire in my soul?
When you started a feeling so profound, it brought to life every cell of my body?

When you go to sleep,
Do you dream of me?

Do you imagine a new ending, where our paths join back together once more?
Do you ever feel remorse because this could have been more than what it was?

When you wake up,
Do you ever wish I was there?

Do you miss the heat of our bodies close to each other?
Our heartbeats beating at the same pace?

Oh, darling.
I do.

Do you?

for a long time
i didn't know
that the sun
was a ball
of flaming
gas spinning
in outer space.

and i can't
remember
what i thought
it was
before i knew
the truth.

things unknown
become
known.
the truth
revealed
so
s l o w l y

reality
constantly
shifting
blurring
becoming clear

you are like
the sun.
living in
my mind
so bright
so beautiful

but no matter
what i do
i cannot
figure out
if you are
known
or unknown
to me

are you
a mysterious
light
in the sky?

or are you
the sun?

There are three types of heartaches

Heartache #1
The heartache where you were never loved back.
He’d look at you and smile but you know the sparkle in his eyes isn’t because of you.
He’ll hug you goodbye but you can smell the scent of her perfume as you snuggle your head into his neck.
He would turn away and you’d look at him as if he was the most celestial being you’ll ever see and you’ll remember, the way you look at him, is the way he looks at her.

Heartache #2
The heartache where you strive to make their life a living hell.
You’ll break his heart and realise when it’s too late that you’ve broken yours in the process as well.
So while he is sitting next to you because he has no other choice, you hum the song that he dedicated to you just loud enough for him to hear, and you’ll know it’s driving him mad.
And you’ll wear the shirt he said he loved on you as you pretend to run into him, whether it’s walking casually in the hallway or chatting with someone who happens to be right near his locker.
You’ll find a new boy to smile and laugh with and you’ll know he is in the distance watching, remembering how he used to be the one that got that smile out of you.

Heartache #3
The heartache that never goes away.
The one with the mesmerising blue eyes and smug smile that could devour your soul in a heartbeat.
It’s the restless nights of talking about all your fears, dreams, insecurities; everything that makes you, you.
It’s the way you let yourself be vulnerable as he touched your naked skin.
He’ll hold your hand and make promises he never intended to keep.
He’ll make you believe every word he says is true.
He’ll make you see that planting flowers in your lungs is so much better than destroying yourself.
But he’ll fail to tell you that once those flowers die, you wont be able to breathe.

You are the dark circles under my eyes because I have spent too many restless nights thinking about you.
You are the cigarette I put between my lips because I miss having yours pressed against mine.
You are the body's of strangers who fill my sheets because I am trying to replace the warmth you once gave me.
You are my sad thoughts because I couldn't make you stay.
You are the doubts, confusion, anxiety I have at the most inconvenient times.
You are the bright city lights that follow me endlessly.
You are the alcohol that runs through my veins because it is the only thing that keeps me going anymore.
You are the ghost that will forever remind me that what we had was not love but lust.

Judge me.
Judge me so hard
Yeah, Maybe your face would be
Full of disgust
And hatred
But at least then...
You'd be looking at me
With a face full
Of raw emotion
And energy
No matter how negative
It may be
So judge me
Judge me so *hard

Sad is the day when a man carries a gun,
to end a life and sow the seed of hate,
divide and deconstruct what has taken eons to build,
reckless and selfish this prophecy occurs,
to what end does the man have,
in their own mind of misfiring thoughts,
lies create alternate reality,
bullets need not be fired,
words and understanding will heal,
together we will build and strengthen,
divided we fall.

You have not seen me until you have seen me as I see myself
You have not seen me until you see me as I trace my hand over the stretch marks that climb the sides of my torso like veins that squeeze me
You have not seen me until you see me as my eyes become dimmer as I look at the discoloration of my sides
You have not seen me until you see every scar, bruise, and scratch that plagues my thighs and arms
You have not seen me until you have watched my body give in and breakdown because the image I see staring back at myself is one of broken glass, broken dreams, broken memories

You have not seen me until you understand that I am not a towering temple with battle scars and broken beauty marks

I am a shell of lost spirit and soul
I am a body, torn apart apart by hatred and rotten words

You have not seen me