Have you ever seen a brick go through a glass window?
It seems to happen in slow motion.
The window never expects the brick to be thrown.
The brick still shatters the window anyway.
For a brief moment, the two touch, then nature takes course.
The broken pieces of the glass litter the ground, and the brick is on the other side.

I was the window.
You were the brick.

Now I am stuck.
Picking up the broken pieces of what used to be.
The shattered edges of what was slip and slice
My hands, my heart, my head.

Once glass is broken it can never be put back together.
The window that held everything in is gone
letting the heat and warmth flow into the cool night air.

For a time, I tried to open that window, to you.
Let in the stale air that surrounded me.
In the end I decided to leave it open, just a crack
to slowly change.

It was not enough.
Now I am shattered.

I can't hold back what's inside now.
the cold air is rushing in.
I am scared.
I am shattered.

I try to pick up the pieces, to patch the window with what I can.
Nothing fits perfectly.
The window that was there
the one you shattered
was all I had.

I sit in front of the broken window
hating the brick for what it has done.
hating myself for not opening the window sooner.

I am shattered.

You are a brick.
You did not throw yourself.

I did.

The right words are hard to find
it is hard to find the right sounds to say what's on my mind.
They never come, but the thoughts remain
everyday they are the same.
The right words are hard to find
but because of you I feel better when I'm with you.

Every time we met, it was a starless night.
Each one moments, of fresh excitement,
and giddy delight.
Now that it's over I feel little more than fright.
Now I must take flight,
into another starless night.

Back in the saddle again
Back here where I am with my friends.
Because I drove to fast,
and feelings are talked about last.

Sittin' alone again,
thinking of all the places I've been
Thinking on things I have lost,
and what my actions cost.

Puttin' off going to sleep
thinking about feelings to keep.
Lookin' for something evil or divine,
to help clear my foggy mind.

Listenin' to a mix of old country and metal,
hopin' to find something that'll help me settle,
I don't really know what it is I am missing,
Other than the weird hope we'd be kissing.

Back in the saddle again,
still in love with you, my best friend.
To afraid to act,
say something that I can't retract,
and lose ya forever
something that coming back from, I could never.

Back in the saddle again,
goin' places we've never been
to clear my head,
avoidin' my bed,
escapin' that dread.

Back in the saddle again,
still in love with you, best friend.
I feel like ****,
and a hypocrite.
the end.

She is the first thing I think of every day
no matter when or where I wake up.

She is the last thought that haunts the longest and darkest nights
the ones where the moon rises and falls before sleep comes.

She is the reason I am still here.

She is the reason I want to run away.

She is the cause of so much pain, but also the cause of so much joy.

She is wonderful, and beautiful, wise, and kind,
but also horrible, ugly, cruel, and ignorant.

She is my closest friend, confidant, sounding board, and rock.
She is my enemy, a spy, a deceiver, and the first to falter.

She is worth waiting for, when all I want is to move on.
She is the only thing right, in all that is wrong.

She is all I ever wanted, and the very last thing I need.

For the longest time I thought love songs were a waste of time.
They were just chord progressions and a repeated rhyme,
A simple formula with no variation, each one the same.
That all changed, and you are to blame.
Love songs make sense to me now.
I wish I had known how.
Love songs make sense, the feelings they contain are true.
Every time I hear one, I can't help but think of you.

Doubt and fear.
Regardless of what I say its the only thing I hear.
I'm afraid of so much, and I doubt everything I feel.
I can't convince myself anything is real.
It doesn't matter.
Today is a new day. Hopefully the first in a long line of "new days"
Because I am trying to change from my "old ways".
It doesn't matter.
I need to do things, and accept the facts.
I cant be scared anymore. Its not wrong for me to feel the way I do.
I cant run anymore. I feel, and I hate it.
I don't need anyone, but it's okay that I do. I can be better.
I said "I love you", I said I didn't know what it meant, and that I regret saying it.
I don't.
I knew what it means, I know what it means to me at least. It's the one thing I know, because of that, I can stop running and hiding. I have something to fight for. I am sorry that the thing I cling to is you.
I cried in your car. In the freezing cold parking lot, as the stadium lights faded to black you cried back.
I'm sorry it had to be you.
But its the one thing I know is true.
I love you.
Its the end of the month, and its okay for me to love you.

Everything I couldn't deal with.
the pain, and anxiety, fear and dread
over something so large, yet so small.
that almost broke my head.

She knew
Why I wouldn't tell her,
Why I couldn't tell her,

She knew
How I felt.
What I needed to say.
How hard it was for me to just stay.

She knew.
I didn't.
It didn't make it less true.

Hindsight is 20/20.
I’ve made mistakes a plenty.
There are things I should have done,
But I didn’t do a single one.

Hindsight is 20/20.
I've made mistakes a plenty.
I should have made a decision,
but the right path was not in my vision.

I should have told you the truth.
I should have left it all behind and followed you south
I should not have wasted my youth.
Now all I have is a bad taste in my mouth.

Hindsight is 20/20.
I’ve made mistakes a plenty.
There are things I should have done,
But I didn’t do a single one.

Don't forget toast.
The burnt bread forbidden in dorms.
It is not the thing we miss most.
but not having it goes against the norms.

a toast to all of you, a toast to us.
We've been through a whole lot this year.
I can't find a rhyme that words with "us"
We've made it this far without turning to beer.

Its been a hard year, that is true.
But I love each and every one of you.

If there was one drink that defined her,
It would be Hamm's.
A 30 pack, kept cool in the trunk of your friend's car,
In the cold winters of your home.
Shared among a group of friends,
each trying to have fun and erase the day.
To some they see no value in the cheapest beer they can find.
Others see it for what it means.
The memories,
the highest highs of punk shows in a basement,
the lowest lows of puking into a sink.
the memories that you treasure,
memories of a past everyone wants to go back too.
People change,
Hamm's does not.
All you have left is your memories, and a 30 rack of Hamm's

You are always framed by light.
from the day I met you, until you left.
each time, regardless day or night
it hurts me now, i feel bereft.

You are always framed by light.
Late at night, in your car, framed
by the fading bulbs of the stadium, so bright.
sitting in your car making letting feelings be named.

You are always framed by light.
In a dingy basement, by the blue strobes on stage
I knew then and there, that what I felt and said was right.
Finally accepting it, felt like turning a new page.

you are always framed by light.
In your room, alone, the sun creeping through the blind.
it made your hair glow. and made me forget my fright.
holding you as we poured out our hearts cleared my mind.

You are always framed by light.
That means I am in the dark. I want to start
living in light, with you, without fright.
but the feelings that stop me remain in my heart.

It was a long day.
It did not start well.
When the clock struck midnight, we were sitting in the cold, dark parking lot.
I remember looking st you when the lights from the field went out.
As the bulbs faded and the dark crept in I could see you better than before. I didn’t need to see your face to know what to say. I cried. We’ve both cried in your car. But never over something that hadn’t happened yet. I cried because I was scared. Part of me knew for a long time.
Part of me knew what would happen.
Both parts were scared.
I love you.
I said that. With tears running down my face, I rambled on. I didn’t know why or how I felt that way. Why I was bad for feeling that way. That I was bad for telling you. That it was wrong for me to love the one person who has cared enough about me to sit down and let me sob uncontrollably into your arm.
I know how uncomfortable I made you.
I still don’t know why you didn’t leave me then.
Instead you told me bluntly and straightforwardly, that you didn’t understand. I didn’t understand. I still don’t.  You
After all I’ve done to you
Held me.
You held me when all I wanted to do was to run away. You told me not to run away.
For the first time I decided to stay. I went to bed. So did you.
I woke up hating what I did more than before. You won’t let me apologize.
Why can’t I be sorry for loving you
I don’t want to love you.
My best friend. I’m sorry.
I ran to you again.
I ended up in your arms again.
The only place I want to be.
The place I know I shouldn’t be.
We left. You took us away.
We drove for hours.
Now I’m facing my problems head on.
I can’t run away now.
I want to be in your arms again now.
I love you
I hate that I do.
I’m sorry

I want to go back
To three weeks ago.
Before you left me,
Before I knew what I know.
I want to go back
To those late nights in your car,
When we’d talk about leaving,
.but never go far.
I want to go back
To when it was just you and I
Loving each other, not in love.
Now it’s you and another guy.
I want to go back
To when we held each other, and cried.
When you told me your news,
Part of me died.
I want to love you,
To be in love, simple and true.
I want to tell you,
For two weeks I only thought of you.
I want to be brave enough to say
What makes me feel this way.
I want to go to your car, like we used to,
Hold you in my arms as the lights go dark.
Tell you all my feelings,
But that will leave a mark.
I’ve fallen for my best friend
I don’t want things to end.

what is it exactly I want to say?
Do I want to just be mad?
To be mean, and hurtful and spiteful?
Just because I was hurt, and scared?
Do I want to confess things I've kept hidden just because I feel time is running out?
Do I want things to change?
Do I honestly think it could be better?
Would it make me happier?
Should I really focus on myself?
what would that even be?
Do I want her, or do I want that feeling?
Do I just want someone to care about me as much as I care about her?
How can I tell her without hurting her?
Does it matter if I hurt her?

There is not a good way to die.
Regardless of the life they lead
There is no good way to die.
You spent your life seeking what’s best
Now you are gone.
What you’ve done is leave the rest
To try and just move on.
People say that it’s okay to be sad and upset
To me it feels that they are just looking to forget.
You were here and now you’re not, the presence leaves a whole. Where there was once a vibrant life, there is not even a soul.
I may be dumb, I may be naive, I may just be an ***.
But to me it seems their is no good way to pass.
There is not a good way, because there is always someone left behind.

Never at a normal hour,
or a scheduled time,
each one has a certain power
that leaves me with a mountain to climb.

It matters not, who calls who.
Each one draws on too long,
Because I don't want to hang up on you.
Each one makes me feel wrong.

The hard truth remains
I'm too afraid to say
that  my feelings toward you have changed.

Blanket smells like you
It’s warm and soft, like you
I hope you’re happy

Your roommate is weird
She loves you and I a lot
I love you that way

I hope you never
Ever find my poetry
Because it is bad

I wanted to kiss
As you left, but it scared me
I don’t want to hurt

It is weird that I
Write these to you, because I
Will never share them

I want you to text
I want to make sure that you
Are okay and happy

I need to stop these
They are not good, I love you
Goodnight my captain

I am scared.
I am sad, and angry, and confused, but worst of all
I am scared.

I remember everything. Each late night, and early morning.
The texts back and forth between classes, and lunches in the sub.

I remember every word. Every painful confession,
every fearful concern, and the reassurances from each other.

I remember how much it hurt.
I remember how much I cared, and how much you meant.
I remember how bad things were before.

I am scared, that when you leave, it'll get that bad again.
You'll be gone.
I'll be here.

I want to ask you to stay, I know I can't.
I want to tell you how much its going to hurt me, but I can't.
You do need to do this. It's probably the right thing to do.
It is going to ******* ****.
It's an expiration date on friendship.
I never wanted that.
It's going to ****, and I'm going to miss you.

I should have made the first move.
I was, and still am, a very hesitant person.
I wait until something or someone does something
I react, I don't act.
I live life, like a chess game, where I am losing
doing everything I can to keep my king safe.
There isn't an opponent. I see that now.
I have sat and watched life as a spectator for too long,
letting things come and go.

I didn't make the first move.
I was never going too.
I was too afraid,
of being rejected, of making things weird, hurting you or me,
But I was also afraid that things would go the way I wanted.
I had no idea what was going on, or what to do.

I did love you.
that's the reason I didn't make the first move.
I was truly afraid of what would happen between me and you.

In that car, way later than anyone should be awake,
after you rescued me from home.
It was so cold,
you were falling asleep on me in the backseat of your car.

You asked if I was going to kiss you.
I was.
But I didn't.
much later, you said you were going to kiss me then.
But you didn't.

That next morning, when we laid on the floor of your room,
I knew that I should have done something.
Anything to tell you how I felt.
But you were sad. You said you trusted me.
trusted me because I didn't want anything else.
I didn't say anything.

You were leaving for two weeks.
You came to my room just before you were going to leave.
It was just a hasty hug and a quick goodbye,
your ride was already here.
The second the door closed, reality sank in.
I wanted to run out after you, and tell you how I really felt.
I didn't
I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your friends.

I thought about you constantly when you were gone,
I kept checking my phone to see if you texted or called me.
My heart raced when you did.
I was going to wait until you got back to tell you everything.
I was going to make the first move.
for the first time in my life I was going to act, instead of react.

Then someone else made the first move.
and I have been reacting ever since.

There are many things I want to say to you.
Many things I decided to not say.
Many things I have lied about, and blatantly ignored.
Tonight, as I sit alone, in a place I hate
Just drunk enough to hurt, but not enough to go running to you,
I am going to say them.
Tonight, In this poem, I will say what I need to say.
First and foremost: I Love you.
Captain, I love you.
You watched me struggle on these words.
I choked on the truth, and you were there.
You begged me to not love you that way.
You asked me what I meant.
We both know what I meant.
It hurt me so much, when you begged me to not love you that way.
I thought I could love you the way you wanted.
I want to love you the way you want me to.
I can't.
Captain, I am helplessly and completely in love with you.
I love you, and I am in Love with you.
Capital L love.
The kind of love that people dream about.
The kind of love that everyone wants to find.
The kind of love that made me feel.
The kind of love that made me not run from feelings.
the same kind of love that made me return to where I am now.
In a very bad place, to confront things I wanted to run from.
The only reason I am here because I love you more than I care about me.
I realize how dumb and stupid that is.
I don't care.
Captain, I love you so much.
I didn't realize how much,
until you walked out that door.
that last minute together, after all we had been through that week.
When you hugged me
Said "see ya, failure!" and walked on out.
I knew then and there what I wanted to do.
Instead I sat back down, and thought about how much I would miss you.
I wanted to run out after you
Yell the truth at you, as you walked away,
towards your friends as you left me for two weeks.
Yell that I love you, that it is the way you hate.
the way you weren't ready for.
I wanted to run after you and kiss you.
I did not, because I didn't want to hurt you.
I missed you before you left.
I missed the you that sat in your room one Saturday night
and without saying a thing to me sobbed into my shoulder
I dont miss the crying, I miss the you that I held.
The you that fell asleep on me in your car.
The you that would drag me out into the cold and the snow
Just because one of us needed to talk about feelings.
I missed the you that invited me into your room Sunday morning
And held my hand as you cried,
and then made it out of bed, only to end up curled against me.
Leaning on my chest as I held you, and told you again and again that I love you.
The you that, in that situation, said you loved me too,
but only because I didn't want anything more from you.
I do want more.
There are two reasons I didn't tell you.
One: you said yourself you weren't going to be in a relationship for a very long time.
Two: I was afraid that I would lose you over something I wasn't sure of.

I have missed you every single day we have been apart.
It hurts a little bit more every day.

You want to know what hurts me even more Captain?
What you did to me yesterday.
After I told you I loved you,
After you begged me to not love you that way,
After you said you weren't going to date for a long time.
After you said you really missed me.
You decided to start dating him.
Without ever even telling me anything.
You decided to start dating him.
instead of telling me you told me I had to go deal with your roommate because she was upset about what you did.  
Because you didn't want to deal with her.
You broke my heart over a text message, telling me to go take care of your roommate.
You are the only person I have ever loved, and you knew that.
You knew how I felt. and you ripped out my still beating heart, held it in front of you, and then tore it in half.
I cried.
I cried over you.
I cried because I loved you.
It hurt me so badly.
I cried to our friends.
I was so distraught that I could not go on.
And I still didn't tell them about you.
What you had done.
Because I still love you.
I put all of the blame, all of the reason I am where I am now. On me
It isn't on me.
You broke my heart.
You showed me I still had one.
You showed me how to care, and how to feel.
You did all that, and then you broke it.
And I am still mad at myself for it.
I hate myself for wanting you.

Still leaving
together again, for what felt like forever.
separated by only a door, which left me believing.
I was hoping things would change, I was not clever.
The distance between us had grown.
The nights and days spent secretly talking,
Living and experiencing feelings not my own,
are still leaving, you're still walking.
I loved you. I was scared, but I told you.
You went to Texas, I thought only the best.
I would have begged you to stay if I knew.
You ignored me completely, with feelings repressed.
Every time we talked, you brought him up.
how happy you were, how good he is.
Who was there for you?
For hours and hours, days and nights?
For all of the tears, and fears, and frights?
Who did you tell the horrible truths, and the things that haunt you?
Who loved you first? Who trusted you completely?
Who was there?
I am still here.
Every morning, and every night.
Every dull moment, every time you feel scared.
I am always here. Still here.
Someone who has always been there for you, and wanted the best for you
No matter how much it hurts me.
It hurts me
I still lose sleep.
nights and days, hours and hours
but now for nothing, morning what could have been.
The worst part is, you're thinking of leaving again.
What am I to you?
I know you mean more to me.
Through the best and worst, I think of you.
I could never, ever leave you
Maybe you're stronger than me, or just a better person.
You have known him longer than me.
But is it the same?
You know things about me no one else could know.
I still have your secrets in me.
I love you
I hate what happened
I hate what is happening
You should have just gone
You are only going to hurt everyone else more
You are going to hurt me again
More and more every day
I am stuck on you.
You should go.
please stay.

Today is the beginning of two weeks apart from you.
All the times I've said I love you, I'm still afraid it's true.
Still, after all the times, I've said it, it still feels wrong.
2 weeks has never seemed so long.
I remember yesterday. I woke up early, and panicking, and feeling guilty again. I kept you up again, sitting in your car and crying hard.
But in the morning sun, it didn't seem so bad.
It took you an hour to get out of bed, an hour of hand holding and talking about feelings.
You got out of bed and got onto me.
We sat on your floor, me holding you, you holding me.
It took another hour and a half for either of us to start the day.
I knew you were leaving then. I told you that you needed to leave when you wanted me to tell you to stay.
You need to go.
I need to stay.
we need to stop needing each other.
2 weeks has never seemed so long.
2 weeks for something to go wrong.
I love you, and you say you love me.
You don't want me to be in love with you. the reason you trust me is because you believe I'm not.
You and I both know I am. I hate that I feel that way. I wish it wasn't the truth.
I love you enough that I love you, without being in love.
It doesn't make sense to me. but it does to you.
I wish I didn't feel so bad, even after all we've been through.
2 weeks apart, and I hope I'll stop being in love with you.

I call you captain to create distance.
You need the distance.
We both need each other.
O captain, I’m afraid of losing you.
I love you, and more terrifying than that
I’m in love with you. I know it’s wrong.
It’s mutiny. A betrayal of trust.
I wasn’t always in love with you.
But I’ve accepted it as true.
O captain, I don’t want to hurt you.
I didn’t realize how bad it was until you left.
You left.
And part of me left too.

I wanted to run after you. To stop you in the hall, in front of all. Kiss you then and there.

I didn’t. I said goodbye, and sat back down after we hugged goodbye.

I love you captain. It pains me to say.
Regardless of how I try, the feelings stay.

Captain, I feel marooned here, without you, left by myself.

No man is an island, but with you, I kept afloat.

Now I can’t help but feel I’m An anchor holding you back.

I never wanted too

Who was it, when you were terrified and afraid about leaving him?
Your horrible boyfriend, who took years of your life from you?
Who talked to you night after night, hour after hour, in the cold and dark and rain and ice and snow?
Who worked so hard to convince you that you weren't a monster?
Who spent hours holding you as you sobbed?
Who told you they loved you, but said they were too afraid of making you uncomfortable?
Who put their own feelings aside and helped you anyway?
Who told you to go to Florida, or Texas, or anywhere with your friends, because you needed it, even though I needed you there?
Who knew how I felt, and without even telling me, moved on with someone else?
Who was left in the dust?
Who had all of the horrible, painful memories and secrets?
Who still loved you, more than any other person in the world?
Who did you tell about you wanting to leave?
Who was hurt the most?
Who still stood by you?
Who was there on your horrible trip?
Who sat on your uncomfortable floor as you were terrified and kept you calm for 9 hours on a saturday night?
Who bought you lunches at the sub, when you were saving your meals so you could eat throughout the week?
Who did you get drunk and scream at?
Who was there?
Who did you use?
Who did you hurt?

You are my best friend.
I never want to hurt you.
I love you.
I can't keep things from you.
I am afraid of what I have to say.
I am in love with you.
I hate it. I hate that I feel that way.
I feel like I am betraying you for feeling that way.
I realized it when you left.
I cried when you left, because I missed you in ways I couldn't understand.
I realized it later that night.
I love you, and I am in love with you.
You have changed my life, in ways you can never understand.
You taught me how to feel again.
You taught me how to talk about feelings again.
You taught me how to write about feelings again.
You made me realize everything wrong with me.
You made me realize that it wasn't all my fault.
You gave me a reason to want to be better.
You made me want to be better for myself, not out of greed or spite or some false belief that I needed to be stronger than everyone else.
You became my best friend.
You loved me. I loved you.
You made me feel happy, genuinely happy, something that I didn't really think I could still feel.
You let me cry in your car.
You trusted me. I trust you.
Because of that, because of all that you have done for me, I have the capacity to be in love.
I am in love with you.
I hate it.
I know you don't want that.
I know that you don't want to hear this.
I am too afraid to say it to your face.
I am too afraid that I won't get through it all.
I am too afraid that this will hurt you, that it will destroy your trust in me, That you will hate me.
I understand how you feel, about not wanting to ruin a friendship with your feelings.
I am afraid that I would not be able to be your friend without telling you the truth.
the ugly, painful, horrible truth.
I love you more than I can express.
I don't want this to change things between us.
I know it will.
I want to be your friend. I don't want to be in love with you.
Right now I am.
I am so sorry.

Why me ?
Why are you telling me again ?
Why am I supporting you ?
Why can't you see ?
Why can't you love me ?
Why can't you grow up ?
Why can't you move on ?
Why can't I move on ?
Why can't I grow up ?
Why can't I love me ?
Why does everything change?
Why does everyone grow and change?
Why don't I?
Why does everyone else get better?
Why does everybody else get to be happy?
Why do I get sadness poured on to me?
Why can't it just stop?
Why can't it be about me?
You can't leave me.
You have to stay, you have to watch me get better.
Remember how much I changed last year?
Why was it because of you?
Why the **** do I care about you?
You treat me like dirt until something goes wrong?
Why am I always someone's second choice?
Why am I my own second choice?
Why can't you see you need me?
Why do I need you?
Why?

Secret memories
little treasures I keep,
for when the times are tough
or the future is bleak.

A joke that makes you laugh
or when we share something,
splitting it in half.

The first words in a morning,
the last words at night,
the little jump you do
when something gives you a fright.

When things are good, your smile
when things are not, the walks,
sometimes longer than a mile.

Little things are all I can keep.
I never wanted you to weep.
So these memories are all I can keep.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer."
There is one though that has been on my mind.
One thing I must say, but I am afraid.
"Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration"
The uncertain outcome,
the possibilities of failure, rejection, and pain,
plague my every moment.
" I will face my fear"
I need to, it is holding me back.
It is stopping me from being the person
that you taught me to be.

Like the gears in a watch,
Twisted too far to the right,
The tension inside
Keeps me up at night.

Like a rubber band,
Pulled far back,
I feel ready to snap,
let go of control and crash land.

The things that bend me out of shape,
The things that tear me apart,
Are things that are between you and me,
clutching at my heart.

Like a bag of chips, ripped open,
I fall apart,
making a mess.
For once something, I didn't start

It’s been a while
You left
I stayed
I should have followed you
After we said goodbye.

Out into the hallway, into the world
Said what I felt as I watched you walk away.

I’ve made it about me,
I don’t want it to be
I am in love with you
I’m sorry to admit it’s true

I wanted to run into the world,
Stop you, look you in the eyes.
Beautiful, brown, and darker than the night sky. Tell you everything.
I thought I had.
What remained hidden was to bad.

The one thing you trusted me on was that I
Wasn’t like every other guy.
I didn’t want you.
I didn’t want you.
Until you walked out that door.

It got so bad I couldn’t take it anymore.
I still can’t tell you.
I still can’t do that to you.

I love you more than I’m in love with you.
I know now they are separate things.
I still feel both.

I am afraid.
Afraid to love you,
Afraid to be in love with you.
Afraid to say something
Afraid to say nothing.
Afraid of what comes next.
Afraid of the future

I see why it won’t work.
I see that it will end poorly.
I see how I will get hurt in the end.
The part I can’t deal with is the part where it hurts you.

If I could take all of the hate and sadness and pain from you I would.

You won’t let me do that

I love you.

You were a great guy
A kind and happy man
I never had a bad experience with you
Your death broke me.
I didn’t know you that well.
I thought I didn’t care.
I cried about you.
I hadn’t cried in a very long time.
You died, and I was upset about me.
I couldn’t face that.
I still can’t.
I couldn’t go to the memorial.
I couldn’t look at the remnants of your life,
I couldn’t be there, with all of our class mates. I couldn’t let it be about me.
I skipped your funeral because I’m still scared.
I can’t say you were ok with how you died.
I’m not.
To my dead friend,
I’m sorry.