we were so ******* close
i thought for maybe a second
that you could possibly like me back
but when i saw you with her

my heart broke into so many pieces
it put the stars to shame
why can't i find someone that cares
just as much for me as i do for them

tears poured down my face like acetone
so fast that i couldn't feel my face
the stinging made the pain come back
and it made me cry even more

you may be too sane to love me
or you're too insane to pay attention
but i'll always be there because
i'll never find another like you

i walked out crying and you didn’t go after me
i looked back hoping you’d come running
but you didn’t
you stayed sitting there and let me cry over you

why didn’t you try to help me?

it was your fault anyway.
it doesn’t matter
because i’ll be the one apologizing
while you make yourself the victim

because i was hurt.
because i was betrayed
because i was in pain
because i trusted you

you twisted the knife so far into me
and i didn’t even get to fight back
you always think you can trust the ones
that hurt you the most.

all i did was love you
i didn’t deserve this
I didn’t deserve to feel
like i don’t matter

i care too much about your opinion
you could make me up
and break me down
with one comment

maybe it’s because you’re the
only one i have left
or maybe it’s because you
gave me false hope that I’m worth something

i could wish upon my heart
but when your eyes meet mine,
nothing else can match the sky

i want to be in a field of sunflowers and
i want to take you with me
we can run away at three in the morning; going on adventures that we’ll remember forever
we can bring a bottle of ***** and forget about the rest of the world
we can watch the moon glide across the sky
taking in the presence of the dazzling lights of stars
rex orange county can play from the radio while we make the night worth it

i want to be in a field of sunflowers and
i want to take you with me
so that we can see the yellow flowers and feel like we can be happy again
so that we can belt out our favorite songs without anyone hearing
so that i won’t feel alone anymore

i want to be in a field of sunflowers and
i want to take you with me
because ‘loving is easy’ is relatable in more ways than one
because i want to love and be loved back
and bringing you on my journey to the field will make that happen
they can call us crazy but they should call us
sunflower dreamers

If I thought yesterday I would lose you, I would’ve kissed you longer, I would’ve taken in every single detail of you. I thought we would be together forever. That’s what you said when you gave me the ring. Ten years we were together, I guess that means nothing to you. I fall asleep thinking of you, while you fall asleep thinking about someone else. I should be happy for you, but I’m not. No matter what you wanted to do I always said “If you’re happy, I’m happy” but that’s not the case. I guess that’s selfish, but I should’ve been the one walking down that aisle. I should’ve been the one that said ‘I do’. I should’ve been the one that you would kiss under the mistletoe at Christmas. I should've been the one that your family would hate, but you wouldn’t care because you love me anyway. But now… that’s all happening with the person I told you I didn’t like. I told you not to trust them, that they would take you away. You didn’t listen. And NOW look what happened. You left me there. You left me at the snap of a finger. You loved me. You said you loved me every day, and that the only person that you could ever love is me. You obviously didn’t mean that. But I’m over it. You’re happy and that means if i’m not happy I’ll act like I’m happy. For you.

You are my best friend
Someone I know will always be there
Someone I can tell all of my deepest darkest secrets
And know that you won’t tell anyone else

Your heart is as pure as water from a mountain spring
You wear it on your sleeve for everyone to see
You inspire me to be my best
Even in my lowest times

You support everything I do
No matter what it is
I trust you with my life
And I know you trust me with yours.

I can not remember the last time I was truly happy
Every day is like waking up to a monster staring at me
I want to scream and cry, but I remember that monsters are not real,
And that I am only being over dramatic

“Get over it” they say
Don’t tell me to get over it
That tells me that you don’t care
It only makes me so much worse

Just because I act does not mean I am able to act happy all the time
I put on a smile, but on the inside I am scared

I am scared to leave my seat because I think people are talking about me
I am scared to talk in class because I think I will say the wrong thing
I am scared to go to school because I think I won’t be worth anything in the long run

These things I am scared of are only in my head, I know that
But my mind is like that sometimes

The people that I call my friends are like fire
They may seem amazing from far away,
but they have the ability to burn me if I get too close
And that burn won’t go away, no matter how much I try

That burn stains my skin,
And the only difference between real and metaphorical fire
Is that the scar from real fire can be seen by other people

These are the people that make me think they are talking about me
These are the people that make me think I am going to say the wrong thing
These are the people that make me feel like I am not worth anything
But I keep them around because I don’t have anybody else
Now you see why I am scared

The reason I have trust issues is not because my mom broke a promise one time
The reason I have trust issues is because I have been ******* over way too many times

It takes everything in me to close my eyes during bonding games because I do not trust other people around me
The people that I’ve been around for years, I can not trust because I’m scared
I’m scared people will hurt me without me even knowing it

I use self-deprecating humor to hide behind the sadness and pain
It’s ironic really

My loneliness seeps through my pores like chemicals
It paints a picture of perfect pain and poor mental health
I try, I really try to be positive, but sometimes it makes me hurt even more

I know I have friends, but my uncontrollable anxiety and paranoia makes me believe
That none of them want to be around me

Being lonely is like you’re floating through space
Nobody can hear your screaming no matter how loud you are

If you look up in the sky on a clear night you can see the very center of the milky way
It’s a beautiful mix of yellows, and purples, and blues
Almost like a Van Gogh painting
28,000 light years away, but we are still able to see the beautiful mystery on earth

And I’m right in the middle of all of it, but you wouldn’t be able to see me
No, you wouldn’t want to see me

It’s like Saturn’s rings are getting tighter and tighter until I can’t breathe anymore

But do you even care?
Probably not.